


For There She Was

by QueenStephanie



Category: Unspecified Fandom
Genre: Anger, Carol - Freeform, F/F, Filming, Fluff and Smut, Interviews, NOT based on real events, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-26 04:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 42,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10779933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenStephanie/pseuds/QueenStephanie
Summary: Cate and Rooney flirting during award season and some flashbacks set during the filming of Carol...





	1. I just wished the best, for you two

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is obviously NOT based on real events... I hope you like it! Please leave a comment to let me Know what you think of it! (:

“And watching you - I fell in love with you… I mean…” 

Rooney shook playfully her head, smiling at those words. Cate was doing that on purpose, she was sure of it. That look in her eyes… she was trying to make her blush or something. Indeed, Cate perfectly knew the effect she had on her, that she had always had! Since Rooney was thirteen or so.  
Rooney tried hard to focus again on what the moderator of the press conference was saying, and to avoid to keep staring at the blonde, gorgeous woman who sat next to her. 

“… and at the end of the movie, I just wished the best for you two!”

“Thank you…”

Those words had slipped out of Rooney’s mouth before she could stop them. For a split second she had thought the interviewer was talking of them, Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett. But then another thought crossed her mind, how the hell could he know about them?. And finally she realized that he was probably referring to Carol and Therese, and their situation at the end of the movie. But it was too late, she said those words without even thinking about it. She blushed smiling and lowering her eyes. Her feet going up and down, as always when she was nervous. She slightly raised her head to glance at Cate. She was laughing openly. She couldn't help but shiver, watching that beautiful smile. The audience was laughing, too. They all thought she was joking. After all, there's no better way to hide something than to say the truth as a joke she thought relieved. The truth… the wonderful truth.  
She had always liked Cate Blanchett. Liked? More loved actually. It was because of her that she had decided to be an actress. And it was always because of her that she had managed somehow to hold on during a peculiar period of her life, when she thought she wasn't good at anything. And she hadn't even met her yet, back then!  
Then she had almost turned down the opportunity to work with her in Carol because she was still in that peculiar headspace. But then luckily she managed to gather strength and self-confidence again, and she avoided to make the mad decision she would have probably regretted all her life.

“Rooney? Are you coming?” 

She shook from her daydreaming. Cate was towering over her, stroking gently her shoulder with her long, elegant fingers. Rooney looked adoringly in her piercing blue eyes, momentarily unable to say anything.  
Cate sighed and lowered herself, so that her lips were only inches apart from Rooney’s ear.

“We won't be able to keep this thing hidden for much longer if you look at me like this, darling…” she whispered.

Rooney felt a familiar heat rising to her cheeks and her chest. She opened her mouth to say something in her defense, but then she saw that Cate was smiling, amused by her reaction. Then she winked at her and she started to head towards the exit, from where Phyllis and Jake had just disappeared.  
Rooney got up, and quickly followed her.

“Well, after what you said at the press conference in Cannes, and especially after the tone you used to say it, I’m pretty sure no journalist will dare to imply anything about your sexuality EVER again” she said to Cate in a low voice, once she had reached her, out of the room.

The blonde beauty chuckled.

“Oh come on! I wasn't that horrible!”

“What? You looked like you wanted to kill that poor Italian journalist! I actually feared for his life!”

“Now you're being dramatic… That's true I was really annoyed that day, with all the arguments with Andrew about what I had said in that interview to Variety and the kids being bullied at school because of that, but you are describing me as a sort of monster!” she replied pretending to be offended.

Rooney laughed.

“The most beautiful monster I’ve ever seen…” she whispered.

“Mmh are you trying to make up for what you’ve just said about me?”

“I don't know… is it working?” she asked grinning.

“Of course, it's working, honey… when you look at me adoringly like that, how could it not work?” she replied amused.

“I don't stare at you adoringly…” she said slightly annoyed, feeling like a spoilt child.

“No, of course not” Cate said trying hard to suppress a smile.

“Well, if you weren't so damn beautiful, I wouldn't have to look at you like that” Rooney whispered stubbornly.

“Oh, so it is my fault now…” the other woman replied, rolling her eyes and Rooney started to laugh. 

They reached Phyllis and Jake who were talking of the press conference.

“Oh, there she is!” Phyllis said smiling “Cate, you were unusually kind with the journalists today”

Rooney couldn't help but laugh.

“Oh, God! Here's another one…” she replied exasperated. “What is it with you guys today? Have you teamed up to torment me?”

“I’ve just reminded her of her infamous Cannes interview” Rooney explained, grinning.

“Oh yes, that will not be easily forgotten!” Jake said with a roaring laugh.  
“I’ve read recently a hilarious article about it on TIME Magazine, I think… which said something like “Cate Blanchett, famous for taking no prisoners during interviews, replied…” ” Phyllis quoted with a smile.

Cate shook her head amused.  
“Oh, for fuck’s sake! That's the price for being funny, ironic and entertaining during interviews and press conferences. If it wasn't for me, you’d be sleeping all the time …”

“She is in denial right now” Rooney whispered to Phyllis and Jake.

“Cate, the first step towards healing is admit to have a problem” Jake said still laughing.

“Well said!” Phyllis agreed, clapping her hands.

They went on talking a bit and then they all went out and climbed on separate taxis. Indeed, Rooney would have had dinner with Cate that evening at her hotel. She relaxed against the seat of her taxi, her head back to Cincinnati where it all began.


	2. Room service

CINCINNATI 2014

Rooney had just gotten in her hotel room, when her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rooney! This is Todd”

“Oh, hello! How are you?”

“I’m fine thank you! I'm calling you because… I know you’ve just arrived, but I was wondering whether you could come to a little meeting Phyllis and I organized to figure things out a little before starting shooting.”

“Of course. No problem at all! Just tell me when and where” she replied, eager to meet her new colleagues.

“Oh, that's great! I was afraid you’d be too tired to come. Cate is going to be there, too. So you can start to know each other a little better since, you know, you will be lovers soon” Todd said laughing.

But Rooney had stopped listening after the words: “Cate is going to be there too”. Shit. They had told her that her co-star would have arrived in Cincinnati not before the next day! Why the hell was she already there? Rooney wasn't ready to meet her and she started regretting to have already agreed to go at the meeting. Stop, this is nonsense. Try and be fucking professional. She said to herself. But how could she be fucking professional, when she was in complete awe of Cate Blanchett? Ok, she wasn't most definitely psychologically ready to meet her again. Last time they saw each other was when Rooney presented her with the Outstanding Performer of the Year Award at Santa Barbara Film Festival. She still recalled her shaky voice when she had read the speech dedicated to her favourite actress and role-model. Cate had seemed to have appreciated her speech back then, but they hadn't been able to talk much on that occasion. They had just done some photos together and then they had just gone away separately. So how could she face her now? After having said all those sweet things about her? Cate would have probably thought that she was like some creepy fan or something like that…

“Rooney, are you still there?”

She shook from her thoughts.

“Yeah sorry. Ehm.. yeah, that’s great! Can't wait to see her again!” she lied, feigning an enthusiasm she wasn't feeling.

Todd laughed saying that he was glad and then he gave her the time of the meeting and the address.

When he finally hung up, Rooney watched the time on her phone. She only had an hour to get ready. Sighing, she went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When she got out, she felt a bit calmer. She grabbed her phone. One missed call. It was from Charlie. They weren't in a good phase of their relationship right now. Rooney suspected that after all those years they were getting a bit tired of each other. Of course, they had loved each other at first. But now that feeling was changing. No one was to blame. It changes. She didn't want to argue again, so she ignored the missed call. She was feeling tired and sleepy from the journey, so she ordered a tall Americano from the room service. Then she went to the bathroom to get her make up on. After a few minutes she heard a knocking at the door.

“Well, that was quick” she murmured to herself.

She opened the door absentmindedly, not really caring that she was still wearing only a towel.

“Oh, hello Rooney!”

Her mouth fell open and her heart skipped a beat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My, my... who would that be at the door? Room service? Mmmh not so sure... ;)  
> I know this chapter is a bit short, but I'll make up with the next one :)
> 
> Let me know what you think please! :)


	3. Chapter 3

It was like being in a dream. It was like it wasn't really happening to her. It had no logic, after all. How could Cate Blanchett be in front of her? It made no sense. It MUST be a dream, Rooney thought. Either that or she was getting mad. 

“Rooney?” Cate said with a slight smile that was half amused, half worried.

It isn't a dream. And you're behaving like an idiot. Get yourself together, for God’s sake! She said to herself.

“Cate! Sorry, I was just… I wasn't expecting to see you. I’m…” Rooney babbled feeling like an idiot. She silently swore and took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that she only had a towel around her naked body and that she only had half of her make up on.  
“Uhm, sorry. Would you like to come in?” she said trying to act normal.

Cate’s smile was only amused now. She was more beautiful than Rooney remembered. She was wearing a simple dark grey suit (which was probably Armani’s since it fitted her so well) with a white shirt loosely opened till just above her breast. Her wonderful blond hair were up in a messy chignon, and even though she had little make up on, her face was radiant.

“Well, sure… thank you” she replied walking into her room.

As Cate passed her by, Rooney was hit by the wonderful smell of the perfume she was wearing and she started feeling a bit dizzy.

“I’m sorry to bother you… but I thought you would be coming at Todd’s meeting” Cate said apologizing for her intrusion.

“I am coming, actually” she replied. 

Cate stared at her half naked body for a moment, with an eyebrow half raised. Rooney felt her cheeks blush.

“I was… I was getting ready. I’ve just arrived. My plane landed only a few hours ago”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for having disturbed you then! I arrived this morning and I assumed you did the same. And, well, since we are staying at the same hotel I thought you and I could go together at the meeting… but since you're clearly not ready yet, I should probably go… I’ll wait for you in the hall, if you like”

God, how lovely was the sound of her voice…

“Uhm, Rooney?” Cate said after a few seconds, since she wasn't answering. “You know that you’ll probably have to talk to me if we are going to do this project, right?”

Rooney shook herself, again feeling like a fucking idiot.

“I’m sorry, you're right… no, you can definitely wait for me here. I… I’ll just put some clothes on and then we can talk. Please, sit down wherever you want, I’ll be back in a minute!” she said quickly.

Cate sat down on one of the armchairs, laughing.

“Don't worry, take your time! We’ll be fashionably late, like true divas…” she said winking.

Rooney went to the bathroom closing the door behind her.

“Fuck!” she said under her breath, frustrated “Fuck! Fuck!” 

She leaned against the door. If she could, she would have punched herself for behaving like that in front of HER. She took a deep breath. Well, what's done is done. She thought. But she could still make things better. She just had to go out there and behave like anyone sane would, and not like a crazy creepy fan. She took another deep breath and then she started to wear a pair of black jeans and a light grey jumper. She quickly fished to put her make up on and then, without stopping and thinking too much, she went out.

Cate was comfortably sitting on the armchair, looking outside the window. She turned around.

“Oh, feeling better with some… clothes on?” she said with her beautiful half-smile.

“Yeah… I’m sorry for before, but I really wasn't expecting anyone… so you caught me a bit off guard” Rooney replied smiling a little.

“No, don't worry! Ah, by the way… a waiter brought your coffee while you were dressing” she said getting up and bringing to her the cup that was placed on the table in front of the armchair.

“Oh, thank you… well, Cate, you shouldn't ha-” she muttered slightly embarrassed.

“It was a pleasure… after all, it was me who came here uninvited. You are probably thinking that I’m only an annoying middle-aged woman” she joked.

Rooney laughed.

“For God’s sake, Cate! You're not middle-aged! And you're not annoying, not at all! Besides, you perfectly know how much I admire you”

“Yeah, I kinda suspected it after your wonderful speech, last month” Cate replied winking.

Rooney blushed. Of course she remembered it, everyone remembered it. She could as well have gone there holding a sign with written “Cate Blanchett I love you” on it.

“And I didn't have the time that day, to tell you how much I have appreciated it. And I didn't even have to pay you to say those beautiful words!” she went on laughing and squeezing her arm.

Rooney cleared her throat, trying to ignore the shiver that was going down her spine at that touch.

“Shall we sit while I finish my coffee?”

They went to the armchairs.

“How did you know which was my room, anyway?”

“Oh, I just bribed the concierge down at the hall” she said matter-of-factly, making Rooney laugh. Then she added: “That's funny… I don't think he recognized me at first, because when I asked him if he could tell me which room Miss Rooney Mara was in, he spent a good minute staring at me suspiciously, like I was some kind of crazy fan trying to get to you!”

“And then what?” Rooney asked sipping her coffee.

“And then he asked me why would I want to know. I said “because we are colleagues and I need to speak to her”. He turned very pale and then he started to apologize muttering things like “Ms Blanchett… I… I… am so so sorry! I didn't… I wasn't…”” she said brilliantly performing the part of the embarrassed concierge. “In the end he even added that he found me stunning playing Galadriel in Lord of the Rings”

“Hahahah! Well, you WERE stunning in those movies!” Rooney said laughing. She was finally relaxing a bit. Cate had that wonderful talent to make people at ease.

“Careful, my dear, or my, already big, ego will make this room burst!”

They stared in each other's eyes for a little while. Then Rooney had to look away, afraid that the other woman would be able to read in them what she was really feeling for her. Rooney herself didn't know what kind of feeling was that exactly, but what she knew, was that it would only have brought troubles.

They stayed in a comfortable silence while she finished her coffee.

“How’s your family by the way? How are your kids?” Rooney asked after a while.

“Oh, they are fine. Thank you for asking! They will probably come here for a few days next month, I already miss them”

Rooney smiled sympathetic.

“And what about Andrew?” those words slipped out of her lips before she could stop them. Why was she asking about her husband??

“He’ll stay in Sydney” she replied dryly. Was it Rooney’s imagination or Cate’s tone was a bit colder?

“But what about YOUR boyfriend? Will he come and visit, too?” Cate said changing the subject.

“Oh I don't know…” she replied blushing.

“You don't know if your boyfriend is coming?”

“I don't know if he’s still my boyfriend” she sighed.

“Oh, darling I’m sorry… I’ve been awfully tactless” Cate said leaning forward and putting her hand on Rooney's knee. “If you ever need to talk…”

“Thank you, Cate” Rooney whispered and without thinking she covered her hand with hers. Their fingers entwined. Her grey eyes were again locked with Rooney’s. She felt that Cate was somehow studying her. As if she couldn't fully understand the younger woman sitting in front of her.

Then Cate suddenly stood up, still holding her hand.

“Shall we go?” she asked with her famous half smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it doesn't happen much in this chapter but I really needed to let those two know each other a little better and create a bond... I really want my story to be as realistic as possible so...
> 
> Really hope you like it! Please, feel free to leave comments and let me know what you think! ;) Have a great day, guys!


	4. Making plans

 

 

The meeting went well. They all sat together, the actors, some of the producers, Phyllis, Todd and Sandy Powell, and they all discussed a bit how things were going to be managed. In the end, since the budget was not very high, they had decided to leave a week for rehearsal and dress fitting, and after that they would start shooting right away. Then Todd had wanted to have a word with the actors and Phyllis alone, to discuss the script and possible suggestions or doubts.

“You know that people and journalists will only talk about the sex scene between me and Rooney, right? All the depth and poetic meaning of the film will only stay in the background. So I’m wondering: is it really necessary?” Cate said doubtfully.

“Yes, Phyllis and I, have long discussed about this scene. But in the end, I agreed with her. It is necessary. Their relationship has to be absolute, and that includes sex as well. And after all, even if we only show you and Rooney kissing, the press will only talk about it anyway… so let's hope to make a film so visually wonderful and with such a deep meaning, that sex between you two will be considered secondary or not so important” Todd replied cheerfully.

“I agree with Todd” Sarah interjected “let’s not kid ourselves, they _are_ going to talk about it. Just think about ‘The Black Swan’: Natalie Portman was only asked about _that_ scene and not, for instance, about all the other scenes in which she displayed all her skills as a ballet dancer! So I think it's pretty inevitable. But, as Todd said, we have to work hard to let them slightly forget about it. And you have to make it very poetic and erotic. It has to be a celebration of love. When people see it, they have to forget the fact that it is between two women. Carol and Therese are just two human beings who are deeply in love with each other, and in that scene, they are celebrating their love. That has to be the message of the movie!”

“Bravo! Well said Sarah!” Phyllis said smiling.

They all looked at Cate.

“Well, I guess one can't argue with this. Very well, let's do it!” she said sighing, but she was smiling, too.

Then they discussed a few more minor things about the script.

“Rooney, you are very quiet” Todd said after a while.

Rooney shook from her daydream.

“Yeah, sorry… I’m just a bit tired. But I’m listening very carefully to what you are all saying. Believe me”  
Truth be told, her mind was dangerously lingering on the thought of her and Cate. In a bed. Together.

“Ooh, poor darling…” Cate said, putting a hand on her shoulder “Todd, I think that's enough for today. It's already 7.30 p.m. and it's been a long day. We are all tired…”

“Yeah, you're absolutely right” he agreed and then added quickly “just one more thing before you go: one of the first scenes we are going to shoot is the love scene, not the main one, but the one before Carol leaves to go back to New York. I’m telling you because I don't want you to go on set the first day and find out that you have to… you know, kiss each other. I know it can be embarrassing so… I just want to avoid that”

“Thank you, Todd” Cate replied clearly amused by the whole situation. Then she leaned towards Rooney and whispered in her ear:

“Well, that’ll be a hell of an icebreaker, won't it?”

Rooney laughed, slightly blushing.

“Oh, look at them…” Sarah said mockingly “they are already whispering in each other's ears, like two lovebirds”

Cate burst out laughing, standing up and putting an arm around Rooney's shoulders.

“You're just jealous that I’ve caught the hottest girl of the crew”

“Well, she is actually the _only_ girl of the crew. No offense, Rooney” Sarah replied with her teasing smile.

“None taken, Sarah” she said laughing.

“And besides, you chose her because you couldn't have me… admit it, Cate!”

Cate sighed.

“Yes… but please, let's not talk about it. It still hurts” she said bringing her hand to her face in a dramatic way.

They all started laughing and after a few minutes, they all left to go back to their hotels.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It was Sunday evening and Rooney was taking a shower. The first week passed sooner than she expected. They had all been very very busy rehearsing and trying different costumes and wigs on. She didn't see Cate a lot, since she had spent most of her rehearsals with Jake, who was a really easy-going and funny actor, with a very contagious laughter. But nothing compared to the few moments she had spent with her. She was so funny, and beautiful and clever! She was all Rooney wanted to be, and more. It felt like Cate entered her life and suddenly coloured everything. Everything had changed - life itself had changed !- since she met her. She kept telling herself that what she felt was just admiration, and nothing more. But the more time she was spending with her, the more she was starting suspecting that it could actually be something more. What she was feeling slightly remembered her of what she thought was love, but ten thousand times more powerful and strong. Like something that could bring her the greatest happiness or that could crush her in a hundred pieces.

“Stop thinking about it!” she loudly said to herself, grabbing the hairdryer.

She blew her hair dry and she was starting take off the towel from her body to get into her pajamas, when she heard a soft knock at the door.

 _It would be funny if it is Cate at the door. It would be the second time she sees me only wearing a towel_ she said to herself smiling at the absurdity of that thought. Why would Cate come and see her at that time of the evening? It was ridiculous. She went to the door still smiling and she opened it.

Her heart skipped a beat, again.

“Well, that's becoming a habit. Whenever I knock at your door you always open it with only a towel on. Are you trying to seduce me, Miss Mara?” Cate said with a sly smile on her lips.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I'll be able to upload my next chapter as soon as I did with the previous ones, but please don't give up on me! 
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy reading this! (:


	5. I'll be whatever you want

Rooney felt herself blushing, but she tried to joke.

“Oh God, you got me! I didn't think my attempt would have been so easily spotted!” she replied, trying to ignore her pounding heart.

“Call me Sherlock” Cate said winking. “Well, are you trying to seduce also all the people on your floor, or you're going to let me in?”

“Of course! Sorry… come on in!” Rooney said quickly, laughing nervously.

Once inside, and after Rooney had closed the door behind her, Cate turned around smiling.

“I’m sorry, darling… I’m always bothering you, coming here at the wrong time”

“No, don't worry… I like it when you come” Rooney said. But in a split second she realized that what she had just said could be taken in the wrong way, so she blushed and quickly added “to visit me in my room, I mean”.

Cate just stared at her definitely amused by the whole situation. And Rooney was starting to suspect that Cate liked spending time with her just to have a good laugh.

“Why don't you sit, while I-”

“… put some clothes on? Gosh, this is really starting to feel like a déjà vu” Cate said with a sly smile, sitting comfortably on the armchair.

“Yeah, exactly…” Rooney said sighing and disappearing behind the bathroom door.

“ _I like it when you come?_ Seriously, Rooney??” she angrily whispered to herself once alone, bringing a hand to her forehead. That was getting ridiculous. She couldn't go on like that. And they hadn't even started filming yet! She'd have definitely gone crazy before the end of the shooting. She hastily put her pajamas on and she went out. Cate was resting her head against the armchair, her eyes closed.

Rooney stopped in the middle of the room, thinking that she had never seen anything as beautiful. Suddenly she just wanted to flung herself to her and kiss those well-shaped lips till it hurt. But she couldn't, of course. Cate was married and loved her husband very much. So she had to push those thoughts out of her mind. _But she's flirting with you_.. said a little voice inside her head. Nonsense! She flirted with everyone. It didn't mean anything. _She_ didn't mean anything to Cate. That undeniable truth suddenly saddened her. She sat down on the armchair in front of her, watching her sleep.

“I’m not sleeping, you know? I'm resting my eyes” she murmured after a few minutes, opening lazily her beautiful blue eyes.

“Of course” Rooney replied with a small smile.

“I’d be an idiot if I came here interrupting your nighttime beauty rituals just to fall asleep on your couch”

Rooney laughed.

“Why did you come here anyway?”

“Do I need a reason to visit my favourite young actress?” she said leaning forward with a half smile.

“No, of course not. But why did you come?” Rooney insisted, smiling too.

“You're not very easily fooled, are you?” Cate sighed.

“Nope” she replied smiling.

“Well, I’m just here to remind you that tomorrow is the big day” she said casually.

“You mean the icebreaker?” Rooney asked trying to seem at ease, when she was definitely not.

“Yes.. the kiss. I know it's not that scene, but still… I just wanted to make sure you're fine with it. I don't want you to feel embarrassed or anything with me” she said. Her teasing tone had disappeared, and she looked genuinely worried for her. Cate was always very ironic and playful, but not when she talked about her work.

Rooney sighed. _Of course I’ll be embarrassed! I blush every time you slightly touch me, let alone kissing_! She thought. Her heart racing. But she replied:

“Don't worry, Cate. It's not a big deal, I can definitely cope. Yeah, I'm a bit nervous because I really care about this movie and I don't want to spoil it in anyway, but I’ll be fine”

Cate smiled. It was not her usual amused smile, there was something sweet in it this time.

“I’m nervous, too, you know”

Rooney raised her eyebrows.

“You really don't look that nervous to me”

Cate laughed.

“Well, that's because I’m very good at acting comfortable when I'm not” she gestured herself “Look at me. Even right now I’m not comfortable, I’m not relaxed. It's all down to acting.”

“Well, then you really are a wonderful actress” Rooney said, then she added a little resented “I guess I’m not that good yet”

“No, no, no, honey! You got me wrong. You are a splendid actress on screen, and you know that without me telling you. The only difference between you and me, is that I learnt to act in real life too. It's very easy for me to pretend to be something I’m not, very easy to pretend to feel something I’m not feeling. Yes, it's all extremely easy for me. But it is tiring too. And after a while you start to wonder if what you're feeling is real or it is just pretense”

Rooney didn't say anything. She just looked her in the eyes. There was nothing she could say or do to make her feel better. So she just looked her in the eyes. She never thought that Cate could be unhappy because she was always so funny and easygoing and amusing, and yet…

“I feel a bit like Carol, you know…” Cate said after a while with a sad smile “… only I don't have a Therese to cling to”

You have a Therese! You have me! Rooney wanted to shout, but she said instead:

“Cate, you know that if you need to talk I’m here for you, right?” she leaned forward with a concerned look.

“Are you offering to be my Therese?” she replied trying to go back to her usual teasing tone.

“I’ll be whatever you want” Rooney said in barely audible whisper.

The smile disappeared from Cate’s lips, and she just stared at her intensively. Then she got up and went to Rooney. She lowered herself towards her. Rooney was starting to feel dizzy at that proximity. Then she placed her lips on Rooney's cheek. She left them linger there a bit longer than usual. Then Cate straighten up and went to the door. And without even looking back she said:

“Goodnight, my darling” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uff... that was quite a night for both of them! Let me know what you think! Have a great Sunday!! (:


	6. Is that enough?

 

 

The following morning Rooney went down to the hall of her hotel quite early, ready to leave for the set. It was 8.30 and she had already had breakfast in her room. She hadn't slept well and she was starting to feel a threatening headache at the back of her head. And it was all because of Cate. The spot where she had placed her lips was still burning on the side of her cheek.

When the doors of the elevator opened, the first thing she saw was Cate Blanchett herself who was handing the keys of her room to the receptionist.

 _Shit_.

Rooney had the irrational urge to go back in the elevator and flee the scene as soon as she could. But that would have been completely useless since she would have seen her in a few moments on set anyway. Rooney was afraid that she had made a complete fool of herself the night before, crossing a line she shouldn't have crossed. I’ll be whatever you want. Why had she said that? She could as well have said _I’m madly in love with you_. She was so afraid Cate was starting to suspect what she was feeling, that she had passed all the previous night tormenting herself thinking about terrible (improbable) scenarios.

She was starting to feel sick. Maybe breakfast that morning hadn't been such a great idea, after all. That wasn't exactly the right mood to film the scene they were going to film that day.

Cate turned and saw her standing in the middle of the hall, feeling like a complete idiot. She smiled and waved at her. Rooney walked to her trying to smile, too.

“Hello, I was waiting for you” Cate greeted her.

“You were?” Rooney replied, quickly scanning her mind in search of a moment of the night before in which Cate might have said that they were to meet in the hall that morning. But she couldn't recall anything like that.

“Yeah, I thought we could go on set together. So I waited here for you to come down”

“Oh, you could have let me kn-”

“I didn't want to come to your room and bother you again. I was afraid I might interrupt your morning shower this time” she said, with her wonderful teasing smile.

Rooney laughed. Cate was making her feel at ease, and was grateful for that.

“Yeah, right… did you sleep well?”

“So and so. I told you: I'm nervous too” she said winking.

“Oh really? I'm not. Not at all. Sorry for you, though, because Cate, really, I thought you were more professional than that” Rooney said joking.

Cate opened her mouth and brought a hand to her chest dramatically.

“How dare you?” she said pretending to be offended “do you know who you're talking to?”

“Uhm… Cate Blanchett?” Rooney said laughing.

“Exactly. Also known as Queen Cate. And don't you fucking forget it” Cate replied moving her hair on the side of her shoulder with an exaggerate gesture of the hand.

“Do I really have to call you Queen Cate from now on?” Rooney was still laughing.

Cate gave her a scornful look.

“Uhm, your highness, will do”

Then she added with a grin:

“Let’s go now or Todd will kill us both. And after all, since you're not nervous at all, you must be dying to kiss me, right?”

Rooney blushed violently. Cate shot her a vengeful, satisfied look and with a sly smile, she started to walk towards the exit of the hotel.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

“Okay, Cate. So, you are talking to Abby on the phone. You are in a terrible state, you’ve just learnt about the detective and you know that Harge is winning. Your last chance is going back to New York, leaving Therese, to go and fight for your daughter. You know this is your last night with her and deep down Therese knows that, too. So, Rooney, when you go to her on the bed I want to see some pain on your face and also in your kissing Carol. All clear?” Todd said, excited as a boy on the first day of school.

Both Cate and Rooney nodded and went to their position on the set. Rooney tried to breath normally, but her heart was pounding and she was feeling dangerously dizzy.

“You ready?” asked Todd sitting on his “director” chair.

Cate and Rooney gave a last nod. Todd made sure that also the camera operators were ready and then he shouted the word that made Rooney's heart skip a beat.

  
“Action!”

Silence fell on set. The only thing Rooney could hear was her heart beating unbearably loudly and Cate’s voice murmuring at the phone. She couldn't even make out the words Cate was saying. She forced herself to move her feet and went out of the bathroom, towards Therese’s bed. Cate hung up the phone and turned towards her, who was already beginning to climb on her bed.

“You don't have to sleep over there.” Cate said with her husky voice.

It sound peculiarly strange to Rooney, hearing her speak in that Yankee accent. She stopped a moment and then she went to her. She silently thanked Phyllis for having written the scene with no lines for Therese, because Rooney really doubted that she would have been able to utter a single word, if she had. Cate was looking intensively in her eyes. Was it just Rooney's imagination or her piercing blue eyes’ pupils were dilated?

As soon as she got to the bed, she was wrapped in Cate’s arms. Suddenly she felt all her muscles relax. Her body was pressed against Cate’s and she'd never felt better in her whole life. All the nervousness and insecurities were gone the second Cate had touched her. Rooney kissed her neck, savouring the moment. Everything was permitted because right now, she wasn't Rooney. She was Therese, and she was madly in love with the woman lying in her arms. Cate raised her head a little just to look at her face for a moment. She lowered herself and gently kissed her lips. Then she lightly kissed her cheek, before taking her lips back to Rooney's mouth. Rooney felt drugged from that kiss. Cate’s lips moved wonderfully soft and smooth between hers. She put a hand in her blond hair, while the other was still around her waist, holding her even closer to her body. Cate broke the kiss for a second and shifted so that she was now on top of her. But Rooney couldn't stay away from that beautiful mouth for too long, so she immediately started to kiss her again. She could almost hear the sound of her heart beating. Or was it Cate’s? It didn't matter. They were so close that the sound of their heartbeats melted in a wonderful symphony. Had she just felt Cate’s tongue against hers? She felt one of Cate’s hands on the back of her neck and the other one on her throat. She started kissing her neck and hugged her even more tightly to her. Cate's lips brushed her jaw before going back to her mouth again. Rooney deepened the kiss and now she definitely felt Cate’s tongue slipping in her mouth, desperately searching for hers.   
Then, suddenly, Cate broke the kiss and looked intensively in her eyes for a second. Rooney couldn't understand what was hiding behind that stare. Lust? Love? Hunger? Or could… could it be _fear_?

“Is that enough?” Cate said eventually, turning her head towards Todd. Her hand was still on Rooney's throat, her thumb lightly caressing her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! As always I really hope you liked this chapter! And please fell free to leave comments, I don't have much time to reply to all of them, but I read them and they warm my heart! Hope your Monday is going well!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	7. Pouring Rain

Rooney came back to the hotel in the late afternoon. She was soaking wet and really cold. The weather outside had turned horrible around 2 p.m. and rain had been pouring down since then. After shooting with Cate that morning, she felt an immediate need to go somewhere walking to clear her head. She didn't have to work in the afternoon so she went around the city with no particular place in mind to go to. She just walked and walked, trying to lower the nervous energy that she was feeling in every fiber of her body. _That kiss_ … she couldn't bare even thinking about it.

Cate had left in a hurry shortly after that scene without saying a single word to her, and telling Todd that she had to meet Sarah to rehearse the scenes they would have filmed together in the afternoon.

Rooney couldn’t help but thinking that Cate must have sensed what she was really feeling when she was kissing her. That it wasn't Therese that had kissed her fervently, it was all Rooney. But Cate had kissed her back too, Rooney could still feel the taste of her tongue in her mouth. Had it been just an act? Not even Cate Blanchett could be such a great actress. Or could she? With all this thoughts clouding her mind, she had kept walking and walking around the city. She hadn't stopped even when she had started feeling the first drops of rain on her face. Not even when her damp clothes had started to stick on her skin. Not even when the rain on her face had made it hard for her to recognise which were the drops of water and which were the tears streaming down her face.

She removed her wet clothes sneezing and trembling, and got under the warm stream of the shower. But the hot water didn't seem to chase the cold away from her. When she got out, a terrible headache started to hit her, and she kept sneezing. _Shit, a cold is the last fucking thing I need right now_ she thought frustrated sitting on the bed with a long sigh. Her phone buzzed. A message from Todd and one from Charlie. She read the one from Todd:

“Hey Rooney! Phyllis, Sarah, Jake, Cate, Kyle and I are planning to go out this evening for a drink to celebrate our first day of shooting. It’d be great if you’ll join us too! Let me know!”

Yeah, sure. She was barely able to stand up, because she walked in the cold rain like an idiot all afternoon, let alone going out and facing Cate. She quickly replied:

“I’m sorry, but I don't feel very well… I think I might have caught a cold. Have a drink for me too, and don't worry about me. I just need some rest. Have a great evening and say hello to the others for me!”

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! Try and get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

She shut her phone and got into her bed blowing her nose. She turned the tv on. A documentary on koalas. The news. Modern Family. Grey’s Anatomy. The news. A talk show. Commercial. A documentary on sharks. And then…

“You gotta be fucking kidding me” she said out loud, annoyed.

Cate’s face had just appeared on the screen. They were airing _Bandits_. That was one of Rooney’s favourite films, and she loved Cate in it. She quickly turned off the tv, because new tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. She sneezed again feeling utterly miserable.

She woke up at the sound of someone knocking at her door. She watched her phone. It was 9 p.m.. She must have dozed off. She got unwillingly out of the bed and went for the door. She opened it sneezing.

“Oh God, so you are really feeling unwell!” Cate said surprised with her eyebrows raised.

She was as beautiful as ever even though she had no make up on and was only wearing a jumper and loose trousers.

“Would you like to come in?” Rooney said tired. Her headache was getting worse.

“Thank you”

Once inside, Rooney climbed on her bed again, slightly closing her eyes.

“I’m sorry for my attire, but as always I wasn't expecting anyone” she grunted, indeed she was wearing only some light shorts and a large t-shirt.

“Well, you're wearing some clothes and that's refreshing!” Cate replied laughing.

Rooney smiled too, despite herself.

“Why were you so surprised anyway to find that I am really sick?” she asked after a while.

Cate sat on the edge of the bed.

“Well I thought it was just an excuse you made up to turn down Todd’s invitation. I thought you didn't want to see me, actually”

Rooney sat up, opening her eyes. Why was Cate sitting so close? That didn't make things easier.

“Why wouldn't I want to see you?” she said, even though she perfectly knew the answer.

“Oh I don't know… I thought you might feel embarrassed for our scene together. But never mind, I was wrong. You really don't look well, darling” Cate replied nervous.

Rooney let herself fall on the bed again. She was too tired for having that conversation and the headache wasn't helping her to stay clear minded.   
After a while Cate got nearer and gently pressed her hand on Rooney's forehead. Rooney didn't even open her eyes, but that touch sent a shiver all over her body.

“Darling, your burning!”

“It's nothing, it's just a cold…”

“Nonsense. Wait for me here” she said raising up and she going out of the room.

She came back a few minutes later with a thermometre in one hand and a blister of pills in the other one. She sat again on the bed. Rooney sat too, leaning against the pillow.

“Stick this under your armpit” she ordered, handing her the thermometre.

“Cate, you really don't have to… what if it's contagious?” Rooney babbled, doing what Cate had said.

“Darling, I have three boys and I spend my winters blowing dripping noses and cleaning up vomit. I assure you, I’ve seen worse than this” she replied smiling ironically “And besides, I spent my morning making out with you so if it really is contagious, I’m afraid we'll die of it together”

Rooney blushed and lowered her eyes smiling.

After a few minutes Cate wanted to see the thermometre.

“You have a temperature of 39 degrees” she said shooting her a worried look.

Then she got up and went to the bathroom. She came back after a few seconds holding a glass with some water and two pills.

“Here. Take these”

“What are they?”

Cate smiled amused.

“I’m not trying to poison you, you know... It's paracetamol, it will lower your temperature and you’ll feel better”

Rooney swallowed the pills, like a good girl. Cate watched her satisfied. Then she took off her shoes and sat next to her on the bed.

Rooney felt her heart beating faster at that proximity. She sneezed again and Cate handed her a tissue, smiling.

“Why didn't you go out with the others by the way?” Rooney asked after a while, desperately trying to say something.

“Mmh, I didn't feel like it. And then Todd told me you weren't well so I came to see how you were doing”

“But you thought it was only an excuse not to see you!”

“Yeah, well, my ego was wrong. Sorry” she said laughing.

They stayed in silence for a while. Rooney's head was not getting any better, so, without thinking too much, she rested it on Cate’s shoulder and closed her eyes.   
After a moment she felt her hand on her hair, slowly caressing it.

“Sometimes I think about how hard it must have been for women like Carol and Therese in the past. Not being able to live their life and their love. Always worried, always hiding…” Rooney said after a few minutes delighted by that touch.

Cate didn't say anything for a moment, the she murmured:

“Well, do you really believe that right now, in 2014, it is any different?”

Rooney didn't answer so Cate continued:

“Let me give you an example. If you and me, let's say, started to feel something for each other and got together, do you think we could go public with it?”

Rooney raised her head and looked her in the eyes. They were so close that she could see all the different shades of blue that coloured them.

“Well, I think no one would dare to judge us. I think times have changed, Cate”

“Of course they wouldn't openly judge us! They will all maintain that politically-correct façade, that I hate so much… but in the end both my career and yours will be ruined”

“Mmh, I don't know… I think you're being a bit tragic..” said Rooney resting her head again against her shoulder. She was feeling sleepy.

“Oh really? Rupert Everet had a shiny career in the ‘90s – I know, I’ve worked with him! – but ever since he came out as gay, have you seen him in any film? And the same goes for Jodie Foster! And I’m not only talking about the film industry, it's every industry! There’s still a lot of discrimination…”

Rooney yawned, then said with her eyes closed:

“Mmh, you may be right, but I think it would be worth it anyway… after all, all great love stories need obstacles to overcome to be really magnificent…”

Cate laughed softly and started caressing her hair again.

“Enough talking for tonight. Sleep, my dear romantic girl. You are too young and I'm probably too cynical for having this conversation”

But Rooney didn't answer, she was already letting herself fall asleep in her arms.

She wasn't so sure, and maybe it all happened in her feverish imagination, but after a while she felt Cate’s lips on her burning forehead. She left them there for a while before whispering:

“My darling, my sweet darling… I’m sorry... I'm so sorry because, for as much as I may want it, I’m not Carol and you… you are not Therese”

Rooney felt something wet suddenly land on one of her cheeks. Was it still raining, even in her room? She thought confused and half asleep. Could it really be a drop of rain?

No. A tear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a cold myself right now, so I hope this chapter is fine and not too delirious! ;) I love reading your comments, so please write me as much as you want! I really appreciate all your suppurt, guys! You are all amazing!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	8. The sad truth

Rooney woke up suddenly, with someone furiously knocking at the door. Who could that be, knocking at her door in the morning? She felt something around her waist. She slowly opened her eyes and turned her head. Cate was sleeping next to her. She was on her stomach and her right arm was lying lazily on Rooney’s abdomen. She felt her heart racing.

Another knocking.

Cate woke too, opening her eyes and raising her head quickly. Her eyes met Rooney’s.

“What the hell is…” she said sitting up, slightly confused. Rooney sat up, too.

“I think you fell asleep here…” she said stretching her arms and legs.

Then she sneezed twice and Cate handed her a tissue.

“How are you feeling today?” 

“Mmh, I’ve been better… at least the headache is gone…”

Another knocking at the door. The two women looked at each other.

“Rooney, open up! Come on!” said a male voice from outside.

“Oh fuck!” Rooney whispered. Her eyes wide open, her heart pounding in her chest.

“Fuck? Why fuck? Who's that?” Cate asked quickly, with a worried look.

“It's Charlie, my boyfriend!” Rooney replied, trying not to seem too panicked. What the hell is he doing here? She thought angrily.

“What? Did you know he was coming?” 

“No, of course not!” Rooney whispered “we are not going to open. He’ll think I’m on set or that I’ve gone out”

Cate nodded.

Another knocking.

“Rooney I know you're in there. The receptionist told me that you haven't left the hotel yet, so open up! You can't ignore me forever!”

“That fucking concierge is so easily bribed!” Cate commented under her breath. Then she added:

“Maybe you should just let him in. We’ve done nothing wrong! I stayed with you yesterday evening because you were sick, and I fell asleep on your bed. It's not a big deal!”

Rooney looked at Cate, and then looked down on herself.

“Cate, if he gets in here and sees us like this… well, it’s pretty clear that you’ve spent the night here and I’m only wearing a t-shirt and some shorts. You’re hair is messy and mine is probably, too. We are filming together a lesbian movie and he knows that I absolutely adore you. So do you know what he’ll think?”

“That we are fucking sleeping together” Cate finished with a sigh. She massaged her forehead with one hand, before asking:

“So what are we going to do?”

“You have to hide. Go to the bathroom. I’ll try to convince him to wait for me in the hall” Rooney said getting up.

Cate nodded and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Rooney silently repeated like a mantra as she was heading to the door.

She opened it.

“Well, Rooney! About time!” 

He walked onto the room before she could stop him.

“What are you doing here, Charlie?” she asked tired.

“What am I…?” he started angrily, with an incredulous look on his face. He breathed deeply.

“I sent you a text yesterday evening, telling you I was coming”

Of course, the message! She hadn't even opened it, she had been too distracted by Todd’s.

“But it's pretty obvious you haven't even read it!” he shouted looking at her blank face.

“Will you keep your voice down, please? I don't feel well, and I have a headache” Rooney replied cold.

Charlie took a deep breath again.

“You don't return my calls, you don't answer my texts… what’s going on, Roons?”

“Listen, why don't you wait for me in the hall while I get changed, and then we will talk” she said, her mind to Cate hidden in her bathroom.

“No, I want to talk right now! Did I do anything wrong? Tell me, because honestly I can't understand why you're behaving like this!” he insisted.

“You did nothing wrong, Charlie… it's me, I think I’m a bit confused right now and I need time to think”

“Confused? Confused about what? I love you, Rooney. And I thought you loved me too! Why are you treating me this way?” Charlie said desperately.

“Look I don't think I want to have this conversation right now. I have a cold and a terrible headache. So please go” 

Charlie stared at her for a moment without saying single word.

“Is there someone else?” he asked after a while. His face was horribly pale.

“No!” Rooney replied, but even she could spot the guilt in her voice.

“What? Is he here now? That's why it took you so long to open the fucking door and you are so desperate for me to leave! Where is he hiding? In the closet, under the bed?” he shouted.

Rooney could feel her heart pounding under her t-shirt.

“For fuck’s sake, Charlie! You are being fucking paranoid! There’s no one else in here. Go on, search the room if you like, but your acting like a crazy idiot!” she said, hoping he wouldn't spot the slight tremble in her voice.

Charlie seemed to take possession of himself again, and lowered his eyes, ashamed.

“I’m sorry, I am sorry… but please, tell me what's going on then..” he begged her. His eyes were glassy.

Rooney didn't know what to say.

“Tell me now, or we are done, it's ended” he murmured with his eyes fixed on the floor.

Rooney felt a wave of affection mixed with pity. She cared a lot about Charlie, and it hurt her so much, to see him like that. He was his best friend, but she couldn't lie neither to him nor to herself: she didn't love him anymore. So she forced herself to say:

“I guess it's ended, then”

Charlie raised his head, looking her in the eyes. A tear went down his cheek, then he slowly nodded. He walked towards the door. But before leaving, he whispered:

“I’m not stupid, you know… and tell whoever is closed in your bathroom that he is a lucky son of a bitch”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Poor Charlie... I'm actually a bit sad for him... Anyway, I'm afraid next chapter won't come as soon as the other ones, because I have to study a lot these days. But please don't give up on me and thanks for your comments! Keep writing them!! ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	9. Say it!

 

Rooney was standing in the middle of the room when Cate opened the door of the bathroom. She had her hands on her hips and she was trying to breath normally. She turned to face the gorgeous blond woman that had just appeared in the room. Rooney blinked hard trying desperately to calm herself, but she only managed to get things worse. Completely unable to stop herself she started sobbing, tears streaming down her cheeks, like the pouring rain that almost drowned her the day before.

“Oh no, darling, no…” Cate said in her low husky voice, walking towards her.

But she stopped halfway and seemed not to really know what to do. Then she carefully got near her shaking body, and slowly wrapped her arms around her. The room was quite dark even though it was still morning, because the weather outside wasn't any better than the previous afternoon. A lightning briefly illuminated their two bodies pressed against each other. Cate made Rooney sit on the bed, holding her tight. She couldn't stop crying, her face pressed against Cate’s neck. She felt so desperate that she couldn’t even understand the soothing words that Cate was whispering in her ear. After a while her sobs slowly died down, and she finally started to listen to what Cate was saying.

“It's gonna be alright, baby. You’ll be fine..”

“No!” she said with tears streaming down her face “I’m just a selfish, stupid, spoilt girl, who doesn't EVER know what she wants. And I just always end up hurting people I care about”

Cate sighed and then slowly removed her arms from around her. Then she took Rooney's face in her hands. She dried her cheeks with her thumbs.

“Look at me, Rooney” she said softly.

Rooney did what she told her. Cate’s blue eyes were a of shade darker than usual and it was almost unbearable for her to look at them. So after a few seconds her gaze fell on Cate’s well shaped lips, and it stayed there.

“Do you still love him?” Cate asked. Rooney seemed unable to utter a word.

“Look at me, darling” she repeated. She spoke softly, but the slightest hint of a threat in her voice made Rooney raise her eyes again.

“It's not too late to go after him, you know…” she said then.

“No” Rooney was finally able to say.

“No?” Cate repeated in a whisper, with a raised eyebrow. She was so close that Rooney could count the freckles on her face.

“No, I don't love him anymore” she said in the end.

The angles of Cate’s mouth raised imperceptibly.

“Then you weren't selfish. You just said the truth. The truth is not always nice - it's not its role to be nice – and yes, it may hurt, but if you had lied to him, it wouldn't have been fair to neither of you.”

Rooney got up, unable to stand being so close to her. She went for a tissue and blew her nose.

“I could have told him in a different way. I could have explained…” she tried to say, leaning against the wall.

“What? What could you have explained? You are clearly confused. You don't know what you want. You would have only made it worse” Cate said standing, too.

They stayed like that, looking at each other, for what seemed hours, like two beautiful sculptures frozen in time. Rooney was the first to look away. Her head was starting to pound painfully again.

“I’m sorry for having involved you in all this… drama” she said slowly, trying hard not to start crying again. “We’ve just started to know each other, and I’ve already cried my eyes out on your jumper bothering you with my problems… I’m sorry, I’m just an id-”

“Will you stop that?” Cate murmured, her skin looking even paler than usual. She didn't shout, she said those words with a calmness that Rooney found even more powerful and frightening than screaming.

“I feel like I’ve known you for a lifetime. I'm glad to be here to help you, so stop saying those things. We are not strangers anymore, Rooney, we’ve never been. You can tell me anything, you can ask me anything. I'm here for you”

Those words… those fucking words… Why did she say that? Thought Rooney, and completely unable to stop herself, she started crying again. She brought her arm to her face, trying to calm down. Cate patiently waited, keeping her eyes on her. When she started to feel calmer, Rooney lowered her arm and looked at Cate again.

_Say it! It's the right time. You won't have another chance. Say it! Say that you love her or this moment will be gone, forever. Say it!_

Rooney took a deep breath.

_Say it! Come on!_

She opened her mouth.

_Just say it!_

“How are things going with your husband?”

 _What? Have gone completely mad?_ Said the little voice inside Rooney's head.

Cate just stared at her. She didn't looked too surprised by the question.

“Not very well, I’m afraid”

“Why?”

Cate sighed.

“Things change… _Love_ changes”

Rooney slowly nodded. They both remained silent for a while, then Cate went to her. Rooney's heart was beating so loudly, that she was afraid that even Cate could hear it. She raised her hand and Rooney could feel it burn against her cheek. She put her hand over hers and closed her eyes. Then she suddenly felt her soft lips on her other cheek and after a few seconds her warm breath on her ear.

“I wish you could tell me what you're thinking, I wish you could say what's going on in your mind right now…” Cate murmured.

_Please, say it! It's your last fucking chance. Don't be a coward!_

But her mind was foggy, clouded by the presence of the woman she worshipped like a goddess.

Cate looked her in the eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, I wish I could too” Rooney simply replied, with a sigh.

She had just lost Charlie. She couldn't afford to lose Cate, too.

So she said nothing more.

The little voice inside her was screaming.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feverish so I can't study... but I can most definitely write, so here another chapter! I really want to know your opinion about this! Leave comments everybody!!!! Hope you're all fine! 
> 
> Happy weekend!! :)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	10. Can I have a word with you?

The following weeks went by uneventful. Cate was always funny and caring towards her, but Rooney could tell that something had changed. She wasn't openly displaying that, but it seemed to her that Cate was a bit colder than usual, a bit resentful even. Rooney suspected it was because she didn't open up with her, when she had asked her to. She probably thought that Rooney didn't trust her enough to be completely truthful to her.

Oh, if only she knew the truth! How could have Rooney told her? How could have Rooney confessed her feelings? She wasn't psychologically ready to be rejected. She couldn't cope with it, she knew that. She had to face the truth: Cate was not gay. She might not love her husband anymore, but she wasn't interested in her either. She was a great actress, and the kissing scene had been just that: an act. Rooney had to face that and move on.

But how could she move on if she saw her everyday? Always that smile, always those lips, always those eyes that caught her like an ocean ready to drown her, always that low, husky voice, always that laugh, always that bright skin, always that perfume… how could an addict recover from a drug if he always has it under his eyes?

Luckily the film shoot was almost at the end. Two more weeks and then she wouldn't have to see her for some time. At least till the promotional tour.

_Luckily? But if you are dreading the moment when you will not wake up with the thought of seeing her in the morning!_

Indeed, seeing Cate and spending time with her was the only thing that prevented her from crying out of frustration for the horrible situation she got herself into. It was the only thing that helped her face the morning light every day.

_How will you cope when the film shoot is ended?_

But she would cope, she thought in a rare moment of self confidence, she would be hurt and she would cry, but in the end she would be fine and she would forget about that silly little crush. Maybe she would even laugh about it!

 _Now you’re exaggerating_ …

Okay, maybe she would not laugh, but she would be fine. She was sure of it.

And with those positive thoughts she left for the set.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
They had just finished shooting the scene in which Carol and Therese are on the rooftop of Therese's house, and Carol asks her if she wants to go with her on a trip west.

Rooney had pronounced the words:"Yes, yes I would" with such feeling that Todd complimented her once they had finished.

After a while, Rooney and Cate were chattering with Sarah, who was on set just to see how things were going, when Todd interrupted them:

"Roons, Cate? Can I have a word with you two for a second?"

Sarah looked at both of them with a sly smile.

"What have you done, you scoundrels?"

"Really, Sarah? _Scoundrels_? Are you speaking English right now? I thought you were a too proud American to lower yourself to this!" Cate said teasing her.

"Well, at least people know which is my nationality... while most of them don't really know if you're British or from Middle Earth... but no one ever knows that you're actually Australian. Mmm, dear, that must be really sad.."

Rooney laughed grabbing a bottle of water.

"Girls?" Todd called them.

"We are coming!" Rooney said, then she added, still laughing: "Come on, Cate... she is not worth it"

“Oh, Rooney, you're on her side… how refreshing!” Sarah said ironic.

Rooney blushed but before she could reply, Cate put an arm around her neck.

“ ’Course she is! She is my sweetheart! Don't be so fucking jealous, Sarah” she said winking.

Then they turned and walked towards Todd.

“So dear director, tell us, have we done anything wrong?” Cate said with the half smile Rooney loved so much.

“No, absolutely not! You were both great tonight!” he said enthusiastically.

“Okay, what's it then? Spill the beans, Todd!”

The director laughed before answering:

“Okay, okay… well, it's about tomorrow. I know, Rooney, I told you you could have the day off since it's your birthday…”

Rooney felt Cate stiffen next to her.

“No, don't worry. If we have something to shoot tomorrow I'll do it. And I don't have any particular plan for tomorrow anyway, so...” Rooney replied quickly, sipping some water.

“Oh great!” Todd replied relieved “Because, due to some problems we had with the organization of the scenes… we have to shoot the love scene tomorrow”

Rooney started coughing the water she was drinking. She couldn't almost breathe. She had been so taken aback, that the water she was sipping went down to her lungs instead of her stomach.  
She kept on coughing, tears filling her eyes. Cate was watching her amused, trying hard not to laugh.

“Rooney, are you all right?” Todd asked her worried.

“Fine… I’m fine… the water… fine” she managed to say while still coughing.

“Okaay… uhm, Cate the scenes you were meant to shoot with Kyle tomorrow are rescheduled for the 20th”

“Yeah, no problem. Don't worry, Todd”

“Very well, then! I’ll see you both tomorrow morning, so off to your hotels now, you need rest!”

Rooney still had tears in her eyes when they went back to Sarah.

“Wow! What did Todd say to her to make her cry?”

“They rescheduled our love scene for tomorrow” Cate answered.

“Oh God, Cate… then you must be a really bad kisser, if the mere thought of sleeping with you has this effect on her…” Sarah said joking.

Rooney laughed nervously.

They chattered for a little while more, then they went out. Cate and Rooney said goodnight to Sarah and took a cab together.

“Why didn't you tell me that tomorrow is your birthday?” Cate asked quite cold, once inside.

“I’m sorry, I didn't really think about it… it's not that important, you know…” Rooney tried to justify herself.

Cate looked outside of the window of the car. She could barely hide her annoyance.

“Cate, I am really sorry..” she repeated touching softly her arm.

“No, don't worry… I’m getting used at you not talking to me” Cate said cold.

Rooney sighed miserable, not really knowing what to say. So she just took her hand, without really thinking. Their fingers entwined. Rooney felt the sudden urge to kiss her. But she knew she couldn't, so she just stared at her.

“I do trust you, Cate. Please don't doubt that. It's myself I don't trust.”

Cate sighed too.

“My God, Rooney, you are talking like you’ve killed someone!”

“Maybe I did…” she tried to joke.

Cate rolled her eyes.

“And you don't think I can help you get rid of the body…”

“Sorry, I’ve already asked Sarah…” Rooney said grinning.

“What?” she said pretending to be offended, but then, after thinking a little, she added: “Yeah, I would choose her too. She's definitely more cold-blooded.”

Rooney laughed.

“I swear I'm going to tell you someday, when I'm finally over it” she said eventually.

Cate looked at her, then she sighed giving up.

“Okay, okay.. besides, you know I can't stay angry for too long when you look at me like this”

Rooney grinned.

“Do you wanna talk about tomorrow?” Cate asked after a while.

“Well, it’s really no big deal for me. I'm quite used to be naked on screen” she tried to joke, but she was feeling as scared as fuck for that scene.

“Uhm, I’m not… I think this is actually the first sex scene in which I’m completely naked with someone else”

“Yeah, but as Todd told us, you’ll be giving your back to the camera, so people will only see that”

“ _You_ will see me” she said with her half smile, but Rooney could tell from her eyes that she was quite nervous.

“You're kidding me, right?” she replied incredulously.

 _I'm dying to see you naked_! She wanted to say.

“It's easy for you! You're young and gorgeous” Cate said rolling her eyes.

“Oh my God. I can't believe we are even having this conversation! You're Cate fucking Blanchett! One of the most beautiful women on earth! And, God, you're not old!” Rooney exclaimed fervently.

Cate was watching her amused.

“Oh, I love when you get angry…” she said winking. “Okay, okay… I won't be embarrassed, then. Anyway, I’ll have to touch you - it's a sex scene – so is there any particular point you don't want me to-”

“No, of course not!” Rooney interrupted her a little too eagerly, blushing.

“I’m a professional, you know” she added then. “It's a love scene, and we’ll do whatever it requires us doing”

Cate laughed, and Rooney thought it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Well well, a very important scene is coming... ;) 
> 
> Hope you've all spent a nice weekend! Please let me know what you think of this, because I'm afraid I'm not very good at judging my works as I'm never satisfied with them... ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	11. I can't do it

 

Rooney woke up very early the following morning, after a restless night. The night before, Todd had sent her a text saying that they would be filming the scene late in the afternoon and not in the morning, as he had said to them.

So she didn't know what to do or how to spend the hours that separated her from that dreaded moment. She replied to the birthday wishes some of her friends had sent her and she was called by her sister Kate, and also by her parents. Then she read a bit, since she was unwilling to go out.

She had a light lunch and after that she decided to go and find Cate, to ask her if she was ready to go.

She took the elevator and went to her room. She knocked lightly.

"Yes?"

"Cate, it's me"

The door was flung open.

“Oh, happy birthday, darling!!” she said hugging her tight and planting a kiss on her cheek. “I was actually coming to you”

“Thank you, Cate” Rooney replied slightly embarrassed.

“Do you wanna come in? I just have to grab some things and then we can go”

“Sure” she said stepping in.

Cate’s room was filled with her perfume, and Rooney inhaled deeply feeling a little dizzy.

“Since you told me only yesterday about your birthday, I haven't had the time to get you a gift or something so…”

“Cate really, it doesn't matter! It's not important…”

“So…” she went on ignoring her “I am going to take you out for dinner tonight. My treat.”

“Oh!” Rooney’s eyebrows raised surprised, while she was already panicking inside.

“Wow, don't get too excited about it. Really, Rooney, curb your enthusiasm!” Cate said ironic, with an amused look on her face.

“No, no, sorry! I am delighted really! I am very enthusiastic!”

Cate laughed.

“Even though my gift is already the fact that I’m sleeping with you today” she said casually.

Rooney started coughing again. This time it was saliva that went down the wrong pipe. Her eyes filled with tears while she was still coughing.

“Do you want some water?” Cate said beaming, clearly enjoying the whole situation.

“God, no! I will only make it worse” Rooney replied when she was finally able to speak again.

“Maybe you should have your throat checked… it's happening quite often lately” she said with a sly smile.

“Shall we go?” she asked then grabbing her purse.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Set was almost deserted when they arrived. There were only a few technicians and operators, compared to the usual crowd. Todd came to them smiling.

“Here are my favourite actresses! Today I only allowed on set people who are strictly necessary, to make you feel more comfortable”

“Oh that's nice Todd..” Rooney said smiling.

“Well, I did it mostly for Cate… weren't you the one who posed naked with pierced nipples on the poster of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”?”

Rooney burst out laughing.

“God, everyone always remember that!”

“Thank you, Todd. Miss Mara here, is far too daring than I am…” cate said smiling.

“No problem” he replied winking “ Off you go now, costumes and make up, we begin in an hour”

In less than forty-five minutes Rooney was in her dressing room with her make up done and only a nightgown on. She was pacing around nervous. She was going to throw up, she was sure of it. Her hands were shaking, her heart was pounding loudly and she was finding it hard to breathe normally.

 _I can't do it. I can't!_ She thought desperate. She sat down with her face in her hands. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. _Oh God, I’m really going to throw up_.

Someone knocked softly at her door.

“Yeah?” she forced herself to say.

Cate opened the door and came in.

“Todd is ready, he sent me to call you. He looks like a child who ate too many sweets. He is really overexcited…” Cate said with her half smile.

Then she noticed the state in which Rooney was.

“Are you all right?” she asked worried.

Rooney raised her eyes and looked at her.

“No, I feel sick” she said getting up. “Cate, I can't do this. I just can't. I thought I could cope, that I was strong enough, but I’m not”

“Darling, you are just nervous. I'm nervous, too, you know. There’s nothing to worry about” she said, trying to calm her down.

“No it’s different, you don't  understand… it’s worse for me… I can't…” she babbled, while tears were dangerously starting to fill her eyes.

“Why? Why is it worse for you?” Cate asked serious.

Rooney brought her hands to her face trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall, ruining her make up.

“Rooney…” Cate murmured worried.

“Because _I’m in love with you_ , for God’s sake! _I love you_ , Cate!” she finally exploded, desperate.

Suddenly the tears that filled her eyes stopped their flow, and she strangely felt better. As if a heavy burden had been finally taken off her shoulders.

Cate’s lips parted in a small gasp, her eyes filled with surprise.

Then the door was suddenly opened and the head of one of the assistant appeared.

“Miss Mara, Ms Blanchett, you are strongly requested on set. Mr Haynes wants to begin as soon as possible”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it looks like someone has finally found the courage to confess her feeling....
> 
> What do you think about it? How will Cate react? 
> 
> Leave comments, pleaseee! I really enjoy reading them! You are all so great and supportive! :)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	12. My angel...

Cate and Rooney followed the assistant out of the room, without saying a word. Rooney couldn't believe she had really said that, and she was starting to regret the words that came out her mouth. But it was too late now. Sh had said them, and she could not take them back. She didn't even want to! She finally felt relieved. Now it was up to Cate. She would most definitely turn her down, but at least Rooney was not hiding anymore. And after all, they only had a few scenes left to film together, so..

“Oh here you are! Ready?” Todd said clapping his hands.

Cate didn't say anything. She still looked pretty shocked and in deep thoughts. So it was Rooney who answered, instead of her.

“Yeah, let’s do it!” she said feigning a cheerfulness she was not feeling.

She shot Cate a worried look, but she was clearly avoiding her eyes.

Cate and Rooney positioned on set and, after making sure that the lights and all the operators were ready, Todd shouted:

“Action!”

As always, complete silence fell on set.

Rooney was sitting in front of the mirror, with her heart pounding in her chest. Cate came in the room from the bathroom and grabbed her bottle of beer, smiling to her.

“Happy New Year”

“Happy New Year” she murmured back bringing her glass against her bottle.

They both drank, then Cate moved behind her, watching her in the mirror. She took another sip, then she put down her beer. She started to gently caress her hair and Rooney would have liked to just lean her head against her and stay like that forever.

“Harge and I never spent New Year’s Eve together. Always a business functions, always clients to entertain” she said with her husky voice, watching Rooney with so much intensity, that she almost forgot that her line was coming.

“I’ve always spent New Year's alone. In crowds.” She stopped for a moment. Then she took on of Cate’s hands, that were lying on her shoulders.

“I’m not alone this year” she continued, watching her glorious reflection in the mirror.

Cate had a very serious look on her face. But was it hers, or Carol’s? Rooney couldn't help but watching her adoringly in the eyes. Her heart was beating furiously, anticipating what was coming next.

Cate slowly undid the lace of her nightgown, showing her a glimpse of her naked body. Rooney turned slowly her head, while Cate lowered hers meeting her with a luxurious kiss. Her hand was firmly supporting the back of her neck, so Rooney relaxed her muscles and kissed he back eagerly, closing her eyes. Cate stopped for less than a second, her eyes still closed, before kissing her again, taking control of her lips and of all her mouth. Rooney thought that if she died in that kiss, it would have been the sweetest way to die. Since Cate was clearly and deliciously in control of the kiss, the only thing she could do was slowly caressing Cate’s hand that was still lying on he shoulder. When the woman she adored, broke the kiss, she was barely able to whisper:

“Take me to bed”

She marveled at her ability to get on her feet and walk to the bed. She lay down on the covers. Cate sat on the edge of the bed. She slowly took the lace of her nightgown. Rooney watched her long, elegant fingers expertly opening it, revealing her naked body.

“I never looked like that” Cate whispered, moving her hand slowly on the skin of her stomach.

Rooney couldn't help but shiver at that touch.

Cate was watching her face with such a sweet look in her eyes, that it could almost make her believe that it was all true. That it wasn't an act. Almost. Rooney raised a hand and placed it on her cheek, while Cate lowered to kiss her softly again. Her breath came out a bit shaky.

“You are trembling” Cate murmured surprisingly. Indeed, Rooney didn't recall anything like that in the script.

Not waiting for an answer, she lightly kissed her again. Then, the stunning blond woman raised her arm and went for the lamp near the bed.

“Don't! I wanna see you” Rooney whispered quickly.

Cate gave her an indulgent look, then she slowly let her nightgown fall off her shoulders.

Her heart skipped a bit. She was magnificent. Rooney slipped her arm around her waist, caressing her back. Cate lowered to kiss her again. She didn't take it slow this time. Her lips were moving deliciously between hers. Rooney’s hands slipped in her blond hair and on her neck. Cate slipped her tongue in her mouth and Rooney raised her head to get even nearer. She couldn't get enough of her warm soft lips, of her perfume, of her hot skin over hers. Cate broke the kiss to bring her mouth firstly to her jaw, then to her chest. When her lips closed briefly around her nipple, Rooney had to suffocate the moan that was coming out of her lips. Cate was kissing her stomach, then she moved down, under her navel. Her hand was on one of her breasts, slowly caressing it. Her head was now between her legs, kissing the inside of her tights. Rooney brought an arm to her face and was having troubles breathing normally. Then Cate started to go back to her face, kissing her nipple on her way up. Her mouth was on Rooney's again. She lightly bit her jaw, before taking her lips between hers again and again. Rooney’s head was foggy, like drugged. Cate moved on her side, breaking the kiss for only a moment. But Rooney, who couldn't stay away from her lips, took her face in her hands and slipped her tongue in her mouth. Was that a soft moan coming from Cate? Or had she just imagined it? It was Cate who broke apart from her again. She caressed her face. Rooney could only read love and desire in those marvelous blue eyes. Could it be really just an act? Just pretend?

“My angel… flung out of space…” she murmured softly, before taking her back in her arms, her lips moving luxuriously between Rooney’s.

In a second she was on top of her, still kissing her mouth. Then she was biting her jaw, her neck, her chest. Her lips were again on her breast… _oh God, yes_ …

“And… cut!”

Todd’s voice came like a horrible sound, from another world, far from their wonderful reality.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh uh... well, well, my dear readers... what do you think about that? I really do hope you enjoyed reading this and hope you're not disappointed...
> 
> Leave comments, guys, leave comments! ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	13. A sweet fog

Carol raised, retrieving her nightgown, without even looking at her. She elegantly got up and went towards Todd. Rooney put on the nightgown too, and followed her to the director, who could barely contain her joy.

“Ladies, that was AMAZING! I mean… I’m still speechless”

Cate smiled lightly.

“Thank you, Todd” then she quickly added: “Will you excuse me now? I have a bad headache and I didn't sleep much last night, so I’m going back to the hotel, if you don't mind”

“No, of course not! Go and rest! You did an amazing job today!” he replied still very enthusiastic.

“Rooney can you stop a bit with me? We have to talk about the scenes you're gonna shoot tomorrow with Jake. It will only take a few minutes” he added then.

“Uhm, yeah… of course!” Rooney replied, shooting an unsure look in Cate’s direction.

But Cate avoided her eyes and after giving a forced, cold smile to Todd, she went back to the dressing rooms.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Todd’s “few minutes” were lasting for more than an hour now, and Rooney was starting to think that she would get old at that table. Her phone buzzed. She took a look at it absentmindedly.

Her heart started racing. It was a text. From Cate. She tried to act normal and to ignore it. She tried to listen to what Todd was saying, but Cate was right: she wasn't such a good actress in real life.

“Rooney, are you okay?” he asked after a while.  
“Yeah, I’m sorry… I’m just a bit tired” she replied with a sigh.

Todd took a look at his watch and gasped.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Roons! I really took too much of your time! You should definitely go and rest. See you tomorrow and happy birthday again” he said winking.

Rooney smiled and thanked him, before going back to her dressing room to get changed. In a few minutes she was ready. She went outside and took a cab. Once inside, she took her phone with a shaking hand. She opened Cate's text.

 _Can you come to my room, whenever convenient to you? We need to talk_.

She sighted leaning against the seat. The dreaded moment was coming. Cate was probably angry at her, or worse, she might even be disgusted by what she had confessed.

After a few minutes she got to the hotel. She went straight to her room to freshen up a bit and take a shower. She got into a white t-shirt and black jeans, then she went out. She took the elevator with her heart pounding in her chest. When she got to Cate’s floor, she was feeling sick again. She remained a bit in the hallway, trying to find the courage to get to her door. She took a deep breath and started to walk towards her room. She stopped halfway. She couldn't. She couldn't bear to see Cate or to hear the words she would use to turn her down. She went back to the elevator.

_Don't be an idiot. Don't be a fucking idiot. Go to her._

Rooney looked back unsure. Then she took another deep breath and finally marched to her door. She knocked. Her mouth was completely dry and her hands were sweaty.

After a few seconds the door was opened. Cate let her in, without saying a single word. She was so beautiful, with her blond hair loose on her shoulders, a simple black jumper and grey trousers.

Rooney closed the door behind her swallowing hard. In that moment she finally understood why in movies people are invited to sit, before they are given bad news. Her legs felt weak and shaky.

Cate finally turned to look at her. There was something horribly scary in her dead serious eyes.

“Aren't you going to say anything?” she said in the end. Her voice cold and distant.

Rooney didn't reply. She didn't know what to say to her.

“No?” Cate murmured then, barely able to control the anger in her voice. “What were you fucking thinking? Of all times to say something like this!”

Rooney stared at her confused. Was she complaining about her timing?

“I’m sorry, Cate. I really am, but it just came out of my mouth before I could stop it” she tried to say.  
Cate said nothing. She just kept staring at her, paler than ever.

Unable to stand there, in the middle of the room, in front of her anymore, Rooney sat down on one of the chairs and buried her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You're right. I’ve fucked everything up” she raised her head to look at the woman she loved “I’m sorry, Cate”

Then she lowered her eyes.

“But you don't have to worry about the movie. I’ll get over it and I’ll be very professional. We just have to film a few more scenes together so… you don't have to worry about it” she said, with her eyes fixed on the carpet.

Cate didn't say a word. She looked like a beautiful greek sculpture in the dim light of the room.

“Okay, well, I guess we don't have anything more to say. So I should probably go” Rooney was able to say, blinking hard to avoid crying in front of her. She stood up.

“No, sit down” Cate murmured with her low husky voice but her face was as cold as stone.

That was the last thing Rooney wanted to do at that point. She just wanted to run to her room to be alone. She had to think and to lick her wounds. She didn't want to prolong that aching situation any longer. She didn't want to listen to her, or even look at her.

“Please” she added.

Rooney sat down again.

Cate started pacing up and down in the room. She opened her mouth twice, as if she wanted to say something but then changed her mind.

“Cate…?” Rooney asked without really know what to say or do.

She finally stopped and turned her face to her.

“I wonder how did you find the courage to finally tell me”

Those words sank in Rooney's mind, and she couldn't understand them at first. Then the truth hit her like a punch in her stomach. Cate knew everything. She had always known. Then why had she looked so shocked in the dressing room?

 _She wasn't shocked by the revelation. She was only surprised that you finally were able to tell her your feelings_.

“If you knew everything from the beginning, why didn't you say anything?” Rooney was finally able to whisper.

“What should have I said?” she asked her, defiantly. “I had suspects, but I wasn't completely sure. I could have confronted you, but what if I had been wrong all along? I wanted you to tell me”

Rooney stayed silent for a while. Then she took a deep breath.

“You don't have to say anything, Cate. I get it. You don't have to worry about me, you don't have to justify…”

“Rooney, will you stop and listen to me?” she interrupted her looking a bit exasperated.

She closed her mouth immediately and waited for Cate to start.

“I have been thinking a lot about what I should have said to you. At first I thought I could have just pretended nothing had happened and completely ignore what you told me. But that wouldn't have been fair and it would only have made things worse. Then I thought it might have been better if I just said that I wasn't interested. Should I sound disgusted? Should I break her heart? Should I make her hate me? I went on and on asking those questions to myself. The last one was the best option. Because if you hated me, you wouldn't have been that hurt. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you. I’ve made so many speeches, so many rehearsals to sound convincing. I thought I was ready, I thought I was strong enough”

She stopped for a moment and started pacing up and down again.

Rooney couldn't really understand what was going on.

"Be strong enough for what?” she forced herself to ask.

Cate stopped moving.

“For letting you go” she simply replied.

Okay, now Rooney was really confused.

Cate looked intensively at her.

“Haven't you realized it yet, my darling? I _love you_ , too”

Had she really just said that? No, it couldn't be. It must have all happened in her imagination. Suddenly Rooney felt paralyzed and completely unable to move. She felt like under some sort of post traumatic shock.

Cate sighed, smiling a bit at her reaction. She walked to her. She stopped a few seconds in front of her then she slowly raised her leg and and sat on Rooney's lap. She took her face in her hands and kissed her softly. Rooney finally shook from the state in which she had fallen into. It had been literally a kiss of life.

She put her hands around Cate’ waist and kissed her eagerly back. Cate broke apart from her to kiss her neck. When she got to her ear, she whispered softly:

“Now we are in deep deep trouble, my love”

She licked her earlobe and Rooney felt a sweet fog pervading her brain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my my... finally!!! 
> 
> Tell me what you think about it! And guess what will come next ;)
> 
> I love all your comments!!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	14. What's done, cannot be undone

Cate’s lips were again on hers, and Rooney felt finally free to kiss her as much as she wanted to, with no one shouting “Cut!” to stop her.

She felt her long, elegant hands slipping under her t-shirt, on her naked skin. She held her tighter to herself and entwined her tongue with hers.

Cate removed her jumper and helped Rooney with her t-shirt. She throw it on the floor and took her face in her hands before kissing her again. Then Cate got up and took her hand. Rooney followed her to the bed, like under a sort of wonderful spell. Cate gently pushed her on the bed and crawled over her. She started kissing her neck and biting her jaw. Rooney was already finding it hard to breathe normally. She hadn't completely realized what was happening yet. It was like being in a dream in which you see something happen to you but you know it can't be real. But the woman moving over her was real. Her hot skin under her hands was real. Her wet lips on her mouth were real. Her wonderful perfume pervading the place was real. It was really happening. She was truly in bed with Cate Blanchett. And it wasn't a movie this time. It was real life. Her life. Her reality.

Cate stopped for a moment to look her in the eyes. She caressed her cheek tenderly.

“Rooney… my darling…” she murmured sweetly.

Those words went through Rooney like a shock wave. Her mind was suddenly very clear.

She circled Cate’s waist with her arms and slowly removed her bra. Then she rolled over so that now she was on top of Cate, straddling her.

Cate looked at her surprised. Rooney gave her a sly smile, then she kissed her. For the first time she was finally in control of her mouth. She playfully bit her lower lips, before slipping her tongue in her mouth. Cate moaned softly.

She kissed her neck and slowly went down to her chest. Rooney stopped for a second, looking Cate in the eyes intensively. Then she lowered and took her nipple in her mouth, gently sucking and licking it.

“Oh God…” Cate whispered moaning.

Rooney couldn't help but smile a little at her reaction.

She raised and quickly unbuttoned Cate's trousers, removing them in a fluid move. Then she went back to her lips kissing her fiercely. She felt Cate's hand undoing her bra and quickly removing it. She placed a hand on Rooney's breast, gently stroking it.

Rooney opened her mouth and slipped her tongue between her lips. After a while she slowly slid a hand on her ribs, on her stomach, under her navel, and then in her underwear.

From what she felt with her fingers, Cate was most definitely more than ready for her. She smiled satisfied.

Rooney hastily removed the last piece of underwear that Cate was wearing and kneeled between her tights.

Cate was looking at her intensively. Rooney gave her a sly smile before lowering her head between her legs.

When her tongue reached her clit, moving in slow circular motion, she saw Cate bring her arm to her mouth trying hard not not to scream.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After they both reached something that was dangerously close to heaven, under the work of each other’s tongue and fingers, they were lying in bed trying to catch their breath.

“My God, that was…” Rooney said stunned, slightly panting. She couldn't even find the appropriate words to describe what she had felt in those moments.

“I know…” Cate replied a bit incredulous, too. “Have you ever… I mean, before me… have you…?”

“No, never…”

“Then, my dear, you have a natural talent for this” she said smiling slyly.

Rooney smiled embarrassed.

“But tell me…” Cate added, kissing her softly “Am I a better kisser than Catherine Zeta-Jones?”

Rooney burst into laughter.

“Oh my God, you’ve actually seen _Side Effects_?”

“Of course! I love when you play the villain…” Cate said, then whispered in her ear “you’re so sexy when you misbehave…”

Rooney felt her cheeks getting hotter and hotter.

“So? I'm still waiting for an answer…” she continued with a raised eyebrow.

“Are you serious?” Rooney asked in disbelief “NOTHING compares to this”. She kissed her tenderly.

Cate sighed.

  
“Mm, I guess you're not reliable… love is clearly clouding your judgment”

Rooney laughed again.

They stayed silent for a while. Rooney was lying in her arms, with her head on her shoulder. And Cate was gently caressing her ribs and her back, with the light touch of her fingers.

“You know we have to talk, right?” Cate said in the end.

Rooney sighed.

“I know… but do we really have to spoil this moment with our real life problems?”

Cate laughed softly.

“No, my darling…”. She kissed the top of her head. “Not unless you want to. We’ll talk tomorrow… We’ll do whatever you want. It's your birthday after all”

Rooney had completely forgotten about her birthday.

“Oh, God, I forgot about it! What about our dinner together?”

“Mm… I think _that_ was much better than any restaurant” she replied smiling slyly. “And besides, I told you this afternoon about my true gift for you”

“And that is…”

Cate gave her the half smile that always drove her crazy.

“Well, honey, the pleasure of sleeping with me, of course!”

Rooney laughed.

“Yeah… best gift EVER”

“We will go tomorrow to that fancy restaurant and then we'll talk… But for tonight... let's enjoy the moment, with no clouds on our happiness… After all, _what's done cannot be undone_ ”

“Really Cate? Quoting Lady Macbeth? It’s not like we killed a king...or anyone, actually!”

Cate watched her surprised.

“What?” Rooney said pretending to be offended “you’re not the only cultivated one, you know”

Cate burst into laughter.

“Anyway, apart from the fact that I don't really know if you killed anyone or not…”

Rooney sighed exasperated.

“… I have to tell you that I’ve lied to you before” she continued seriously.

Rooney raised her head quickly looking her in the eyes, her heart pounding in her chest.

When? When did she lie?

_When she said she loves me?_

Cate didn't say anything for a moment, her face was horribly serious.

“I haven't really watched _Side Effects,_ I’ve only watched that scene on You Tube”

Cate watched her reaction with a very amused smile on her lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope I've lived up to your expectations with this chapter ;)
> 
> Please let me know what you think! I really appreciate your comments :) :)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	15. Follow me

  
Rooney woke up the following morning feeling absolutely wonderful. The first things she saw were Cate’s blue eyes intensively looking at her.

“If it wasn't you and if you didn't look so beautiful… I’d think it quite creepy for someone to watch me while I sleep” she mumbled closing her eyes again.

Cate laughed softly and gently kissed her lips.

“As much as I love you thinking that I'm such a creepy romantic, I must confess that I’ve just woken up too… so I’ve been watching you only for a few minutes” she said with her beautiful smile.

Rooney stared at her enchanted.

_Oh God, how can I love her so much?_

Cate’s smile turned into an amused expression. She caressed her cheek.

“Are you going to stay there admiring me all day, or are you going to kiss me?”

Rooney got nearer.

“You’re too beautiful, that's the problem. Your face distracts me” she whispered against her lips, before closing them with her mouth.

Cate slid on top of her kissing her neck and licking her earlobe.

Rooney moaned softly, feeling something like a shock wave pervading her body and ending up between her legs.

She moved her arms to put her hands on Cate's lower back, and in doing so, her gaze fell absentmindedly on the watch on her wrist.

“Shit!” she whispered.

“What?” Cate asked looking at her worried.

“It’s 11.15 a.m., and I was supposed to be on set at 9 o’clock!” She was barely able to finish the sentence, that Cate’s phone buzzed on the nightstand. She picked it up.

“It's Todd” she said watching the screen.

“Oh fuck, I left my phone in my room yesterday…” Rooney said raising an arm to her face.

“Uhm.. hello?” Cate said answering to the phone call “oh, hi Todd! Yeah, I'm fine… no, no I haven't seen her today, why?” she looked at Rooney with a little smile “Oh, I see.. uhm.. well, yesterday she told me that she wasn't feeling really well, so… maybe she overslept”

Rooney smiled and showed her a thumb up, admired by her great ability to lie.

“Do you want me to go and check on her? Yeah, I see… no, no problem at all! I’ll go and find her, don't worry.. I’m sure she is fine… okay then, I call you in a bit! Bye”

She throw her phone on the nightstand. She took Rooney in her arms.

“You really are the best actress of our times” Rooney said kissing her.

Cate’s laughter resonated like a wonderful symphony in the room.

“Careful, my darling… my ego is already dangerously big” she said with a smile that showed her white teeth. Rooney thought that she had never seen anything as beautiful.

“Well, I think that my “going and find you” might take sometime…” she added with a wicked grin. Then she kissed her lips, slipping her tongue in her mouth.

“Oh, yeah.. definitely…” Rooney was able to say out of breath, after a while.

Cate’s mouth was already on her breasts, then down, under her stomach and finally between her legs.

Rooney was finding it hard not to scream, when someone knocked at the door.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me!” Cate whispered frustrated.

“Yeah?” She said raising her voice.

“Cleaning service, ma’m”

“Oh for fuck’s sake” she said under her breath.

Rooney was torn between laughing for the ridiculousness of the situation, or crying in frustration.

“Could you come back in ten minutes?” Cate shouted back.

“Yes, madam. Of course”

Cate let herself fall on the bed sighing.

“We really have to get up, don't we?” Rooney said watching her.

“Yes, we do. Apparently the universe is planning against our staying in bed today”

Rooney laughed kissing her softly.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“You don't really look _that_ ill to me” Sarah whispered in her ear, while they were all waiting to shoot the last scene of the day.

“Yeah, I feel better now… and why are you always on set, even when you are not supposed to?” Rooney replied grinning, trying to change the subject.

“Because I like to keep things under control…”

Rooney laughed.

“Oh, I see… how could we manage without you, Ms Paulson!”

“Yeah I don't even want to think about how miserable you would all be… anyway, you're poorly trying to change the subject”

“How can I convince you that I had a terrible headache tonight but now I'm feeling much better?”

“You can't… sorry Rooney, but there’s something about you today that makes me suspect that you didn't spend the night sleeping” she said with a sly smile.

Rooney blushed and hated herself for that.

“I don't really know what you mean…” she said, pathetically trying to look indifferent.

“Oh yeah… just tell me this: was Charlie in town these days?”

Rooney felt a wave of relief. She didn't suspect anything.

“Uhm well, this is a kind of information I’m not allowed to share” Rooney said with a grin.

“Ah, I knew it! My sex radar is still working pretty well…” she said throwing a fist in the air, looking very pleased with her deductions.

Rooney laughed.

“Anyway… Todd didn't allow anyone on set who wasn't strictly necessary on the only day I really wanted to be here… they told me it’s been hot as fuck” Sarah said after a while with a wicked grin.

“I don't know what you're talking about…” Rooney said blushing again.

“Oh come on! How was sleeping with Ms Blanchett?”

 _You really have no idea_....

“Oh, normal, I mean… I don't know, it was nice… like any other sex scene, it wasn't such a big deal”

“What was normal?”

Rooney froze at the sound of her voice.

“Oh hey Cate!” Sarah said waving “ We were talking about your sex scene together and I don't see much enthusiasm here, just saying”

“Oh well, she is just hiding her real feelings for me so that you don’t get too jealous” Cate replied winking at Rooney.

Sarah rolled her eyes.

“I think I’ll go and find Jake, he is much more fun than you two…” she said walking away.

“ _Normal_? Really?” Cate whispered in her ear once Sarah was finally gone.

Rooney still had to get used to having Cate so near, so she felt dizzy at that proximity.

“Well, “it’s been the best thing that has ever happened in my life” would have sounded a bit suspicious, don't you think?”

Cate laughed softly.

“What are you doing here anyway? Do you want to keep things under control like Sarah?”

“No, I actually want to keep you under control” she whispered in her ear.

Rooney felt a shiver run down her spine.

“Follow me” she murmured.

Cate looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but she did what Rooney said.

They went to her dressing room. As soon as Cate closed the door behind her, Rooney pressed her against it kissing her lips. She heard the taller woman softly moans and she thought it was music for her ears. She slipped her hands under her shirt, feeling her soft skin under her fingers.

“Oh God” Cate whispered. Rooney’s lips were on her neck, leaving small, wet marks. The tip of her tongue was on her jugular and Rooney could feel her accelerated pulse.

Rooney slowly unbuttoned her trousers, and slid a hand in her panties. She suffocated the cry that she sensed was going to come out of Cate’s mouth, with a languid kiss.

A knock at the door, made them both jump.

“Oh, fuck, no!” Cate said under her breath.

“Miss Mara?”

“Yes?” she replied without moving from Cate.

“Mr Haynes sent me to tell you that we are ready to shoot”

“This is becoming a fucking habit” Cate whispered, closing her eyes frustrated.

Rooney broke reluctantly apart from her.

“I guess I'll see you later then”

“Yes, we have a date tonight, if I remember correctly darling" Cate said with her half smile.

Rooney laughed.

“Looking forward to it” she replied winking.

She put her hand on the door handle, but she turned before opening it.

“Remember that I love you, Cate” she murmured serious.

Then she opened the door, but before she was completely out she heard Cate whisper:

“I love you too”

She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I hope you liked it... I write for your delight, so please let me know if I disappoint you in any way!
> 
> I'd love to read all your comments, guys, they keep me going ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	16. A letter

CANNES 2017

Rooney was getting inside the theatre after a brief walk on the red carpet. After all she was not there for any nomination, or to promote any film. She was there for _him_. With _him_. Her white Dior dress was lightly brushing her calfs as she slowly walked behind the man she adored. As they sat on the theatre chairs, Rooney noted that nothing had changed. Everything was exactly like two years before. _Well, not everything_ she thought bitterly. She forced that thought out of her mind. She still couldn't bear thinking about her. Joaquin took her hand, she smiled brightly at him. She didn't have to think about _her_ , for now there was _him_.

After the ceremony, they went to the car to go back to the hotel. Joaquin was still incredulous about his prize. He went on talking about it and Rooney sat there, watching him with a big smile on her face. He was recalling the fact that he hadn't realized immediately that he had won, because he didn't understand a word of french and that he had to ask Rooney (who studied french at high school) if he really had won. She was very proud of him and she felt finally happy.

Her phone buzzed in her purse. She took it out, absentmindedly, while Joaquin was joking with the driver.

Her face went suddenly very pale. A text. A fucking text. And not from anyone. From her. After months of silence, she had decided to send her a message. Now. Cate fucking Blanchett had made a contact at last. With her heart pounding in her chest she opened it.

_Well, it seems to me you like to make films just to fuck your co-stars. I compliment you, sweetheart. Tell me, did you “fall in love” with him, too?_

Rooney’s mouth fell open.

 _How dare she? How dare she writing something like that?_ She tried to breath normally, but she felt the anger slowly rising inside of her. Her eyes were filling with tears. She had never felt so angry or annoyed. _How could she_? It was unfair, and Cate knew it. Why? Why had she decided to write her now? Now that she was finally moving on? Now that she was finally starting to be happy again? Without being able to stop them, all memories related to Cate came suddenly back to her mind leaving her breathless

 

 

CINCINNATI 2014

 

  
At 8 o’clock there was a knocking at Rooney’s door. She ran to open it.

“Hey” Cate said softly.

Rooney was momentarily unable to speak. Cate was more than stunning. She was wearing a black suit, with a black shirt underneath, and she had never been so breathtaking, Rooney thought.

“Okay, that look in your eyes… that won't do, darling. They will all find out about us by the end of the evening…” she said teasingly, but she was smiling broadly, showing her white teeth.

Rooney felt a familiar heat rising on her face, while she let her in.

“God, I love it when you blush… you are adorable, you know..” Cate said, taking her quickly in her arms, as soon as the door was closed behind her.

“Yeah, I know..” Rooney replied with a big smile.

“And those dimples when you smile, mmh…” Cate’s voice was low and husky, and it sent a shiver all down her spine.

The stunning blonde caressed her cheek, lowering her head. She kissed her lips softly and when she broke apart, Rooney groaned wanting more.

Cate burst into laughter.

“Darling, if I go on kissing you, we will never get to the restaurant…”

Rooney sighed.

“You are right…” she said dropping her arms from her waist, taking a step back.

“So, are you ready to go?”

“I just have to put one or two things in my purse… I thought you'd be fashionably late as always, so I didn't rush!”

Cate laughed.

“No, take your time. I just wanted to make a good impression on our first date” she replied winking.

Rooney smiled amused.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The restaurant where they went to, was beautiful. It was decorated with modern art pieces located in different parts of the place, and it was brightly lighted. Cate seemed to like the atmosphere a lot and the food was very good. They even had a special vegan menu that Rooney enjoyed very much.  
They spent the evening talking about everything: their lives, their families, what they liked, what they didn't like, their favourite colours, films, music. They wanted to know everything about each other, and even the smallest detail seemed extremely important. They both purposely avoided talking about their situation, and decided to just enjoy each other’s company.

“You can't ask me to pick a favourite film!” Cate said laughing “it's like asking a mother to pick her favourite son!”

“Oh come on!”

“Tell me yours then!”

“Okay… Elizabeth. That's my favourite movie” Rooney replied slightly blushing.

“As I told you once, you are not reliable because your sense of judgment is clearly clouded”

Rooney got lost in her blue eyes for a moment.

“You have no idea how much I’d like to kiss you right now” she whispered looking at her intensively.

Rooney felt Cate’s foot slightly caressing her leg. She closed her eyes, savouring the sweet pleasure that touch was giving to her.

“I’ve heard that I’m not the only actress you love and admire though…” Cate said after a while, with fake indifference.

Rooney looked at her surprised.

“What about Marion? Should I be jealous?” She asked with a sly smile.

Rooney pretended to think about it for a while, then she replied:

“Mmh… I guess I don't really like French people that much… and I’ve always had a weakness for blondes”

She winked at Cate and then she added:

“I see you did your research on me, quite thoroughly..”

“I actually googled you. After all, you know everything about me, since I'm your childhood hero, while I knew so little about you” Cate replied with her lovely half-smile.

“I love by the way that when you talk about me during interviews, you blush and you smile showing your adorable dimples” she added teasingly.

“You searched me on You Tube, too! I might have to report you for stalking” Rooney laughed.

The evening went on smoothly, they laughed and had fun and talked a lot. Rooney couldn't imagine that she would be able to love Cate even more than she did. But after that evening she had proof that it was possible.

They took a taxi on their way back. And they just sat there, enjoying a comfortable silence, they were happy just look at each other.

Once they got to their hotel, Cate accompanied her to her room.

“Would you like to come in?” Rooney asked opening the door.

“No”

Rooney shot her a questioning, confused look.

“You might have noticed that we haven't really talked about us this evening. I wasn't avoiding the topic. I haven't raised it on purpose actually.” She explained.

Rooney kept staring at her confused.

“Aren't you going to ask me why?” Cate continued amused.

“Why?” Rooney murmured, afraid of what the answer might be.

“Because…” Cate started to say, while rummaging in her purse “I’m old-fashioned - well, just old actually – and I wrote you a letter”

Cate finally took a white, small envelope out of her purse.

“A letter” Rooney said staring blankly at the piece of paper she was now holding.

“Yes, I figured that if I talked to you I wouldn't manage to say everything or to give you time to decide what to do from now on. So I wrote you a letter.”

“Decide?” Rooney was starting to feel like an idiot, going on repeating what Cate had just said.

“You have to read it, darling. You’ll understand in the end.” She replied kindly.

Then Cate looked briefly around before taking her mouth between her lips, in a voluptuous kiss.

When she broke apart from her, Rooney felt dizzy and found it difficult to breath normally.

When she was finally able to open her mouth to say something rational, Cate was already at the end of the corridor waiting for the elevator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! Sorry for the delay but I've been so busy studying (and I still am unfortunately)... well, tell me what you think about it, your comments and your support really warm my heart <3 
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	17. Be selfish

CANNES 2017

  
Rooney managed to get alone in her room. She told Joaquin that she had a terrible headache and that it was better if he slept in his room that night. He didn't complain. On the contrary, since he was receiving a lot of calls of people complimenting him for his prize, he had already planned to leave her alone for that evening. He didn't want to bother her. He was so lovely and kind and selfless. That's why she loved him. That's why she was feeling even guiltier for what she was going to do. She took her phone and scrolled her contacts till she found her number. She hesitated a moment, her heart racing. Then she remembered the content of the text Cate had sent her a few hours before, and she resolutely pressed her finger on her screen. She got the phone to her ear and waited. She was almost relieved when Cate didn't pick up. She didn't really know what to say to her. She didn't even know if she was ready to hear her voice again, after months of complete silence. She sighed feeling utterly miserable.

Then, suddenly and completely unable to control herself, she started sobbing. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she brought her arm to her face, hiding behind it. As if it was a shield, as if it could protect her from all the pain thriving inside her. She sank her teeth in the soft flesh of her forearm, to avoid screaming her lungs out, as the memory of her first mistake came back to her.

  
CINCINNATI 2014

  
Rooney closed the door of her room behind her and sat down on the armchair. Cate's letter was lying on her lap. She took a deep breath, before grabbing it and finally opening it. Cate's handwriting was not particularly beautiful and a bit messy, but usually Rooney’s handwriting was even worse – indeed, she had to shoot the scene in which she wrote down Carol’s name like a hundred times - so she managed to decipher it quite easily.

“ _My darling,_

_I know you are probably finding it strange that I’m writing a letter, instead of talking. But I thought this was the best way to tell you everything and explain everything (without being distracted by your gorgeous face…)._

_I’m being completely honest when I tell you that you are the best thing that has happened in my life for ages. You know, the day I first met you, when you said all those wonderful things about me - without even knowing me! – I immediately felt a sort of connection with you. I didn't pay it much attention back then, only thinking that it would have been good for our upcoming film together. But when I really had the chance to know you better here, I felt this feeling changing and growing till it was getting difficult to ignore or hide it. And I knew you felt the same.. God, you blushed every time I laid my eyes on you. It would have been so easy to just abandon to that feeling. I knew that one word from me would have been enough to have you in my arms. But I could have been wrong. I started to have doubts after what happened with your boyfriend. I gave you the opportunity to confess what you were feeling, and you didn't say anything. I began to think that it was all happening in my mind. But that made things easier. I told myself that it would never have worked between us. I am married, for God’s sake! And you are a woman. I’ve never felt anything like that for another woman before… nor for any men, truth be told. But loving you could mean only one thing: troubles. So I let go. I became a bit colder with you, I tried to keep my distance, even though it was killing me. Then came the time for what I feared most: our love scene. I could barely control myself in the kissing scene, how could I bear lying in bed with you? But I had to. I’m an actress after all, if anything went wrong I would have said that I wanted it to be credible, the love between Carol and Therese, I mean. And then, of all moments to tell me, you chose to confess your feelings a few minutes before starting to shoot. I was speechless. Shocked. It was like my mind had suddenly shut.  
After the scene I ran away, not really knowing what to do. As I told you before, I thought that the best thing for both of us would be turning you down. But as you know very well, I couldn't do that. When I saw that look on your face, how much you were hurt, I couldn't go through with it. I loved you and you loved me. Why should we both suffer because of the shadow of future problems or difficulties?_

_Let me tell you, sweetheart, that that has been the best night of my life. But now we have to get out of our beautiful bubble and go back to the harsh reality._

_I'm married. There was a time when Andrew was everything to me. Did I love him? Yes. Do I love him now? No. Do I care for him? A lot. He is my best friend. He is not my lover anymore, but I deeply care for him and for my wonderful kids, of course. Believe me when I say that I would do anything to see them happy and to protect them. Even sacrifice my own life. Andrew and I are only good friends now, we do not sleep together anymore and he has had a few lovers over the years. I won't be the one breaking our family apart, I’m sorry. I have a duty to protect my children._

_Another problem is our work. The other thing I love most – at times I’m afraid I love it more than my family – is acting. Without it I’m nothing. Nothing at all. I was not joking when I said the night you were ill, that our careers would be ruined if we went public. They would be ruined, and I would not survive without it. It's like breathing for me. And I know it’s the same for you, too._

_Now, I beg you, my sweet darling don’t think less of me or of my love for you – because it's stronger than ever. I love you, I love you, I love you. More than you can ever imagine. But I love my job and my family too. Not more, not less. You came into my life like a storm, and now everything is upside down. I don't know what to do. You saved me. Without you I was not happy, even though I had my family and my career. I WAS NOT HAPPY. The thing is I would NOT be happy even if I had you and my family, but not my career. Or if I had you, my career, but not my family. Can you understand this? You’ll think I’m horribly selfish and only thinking about myself. It's not true. I think about you too. Because you are the most important thing in my life right now and I could never bear to see you hurt. So I leave the choice to you._

_I can't offer you anything. I won't leave my family. I won't sacrifice my career. We will have to live in the shadows. No one can ever know about us, about our love. There might be long periods of time in which we will not see each other. I can't offer you anything. Not a family. Not a normal love life. The only thing I can offer you is a pale, dirty imitation of love. It shouldn't be like this, I know. It’s not fair. If you were a man would it be different? Probably. But we can't dwell on what it “should be”, there’s no point in it. There’s another thing I can't offer, only because you already have it: my heart. It’s yours. Even though at the end of this letter you may not want it anymore, it’s yours. It will always be yours._

_Take all the time you need to decide. Please, don't think about me. Think only about what you consider is the best thing for you. Be selfish. Would you do that for me, my love?_

_Always yours,_

_Cate.”_

Rooney lowered the piece of paper she still had in her hands, with her mouth open. She was speechless. Utterly speechless. She only knew one thing. And that knowledge made her sprang on her feet and ran out of her room towards the elevator.

  
CANNES 2017

  
Rooney awoke with her phone buzzing near her head. She slowly opened her eyes, not really aware of what was happening. She focused on her phone and picked it up, without really thinking about it.

“Yeah.. hello?” she said sleepily with a slightly hoarse voice.

“Ehm..Rooney?”

Rooney straighten up, suddenly she was very awake. Hearing that voice sent a shock through her body.

“What the fuck, Cate” she almost shouted, her phone pushed tightly against her ear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhuh that came quite quickly, but don't expect the next chapter to come as fast, since I have two exams next week ;)
> 
> Let me know what you think about it! As always, please leave your comments! I love your support for this fic!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	18. I'll never hate you

CINCINNATI 2014

  
Rooney got quickly out of the elevator and ran through the corridor till she reached Cate’s room. She knocked, trying to catch her breath.

After a few seconds the door was opened. Cate was already in her pajamas and was clearly applying a moisturizer on her hands. She froze, when she saw Rooney. Her face wasn't showing any particular emotion. But her eyes were betraying her. She was afraid of Rooney's reaction. They stood there, watching each other for what seemed hours.

Then Rooney took a step forward and flung herself into her arms. Cate hold her tight to her body and closed the door with her foot.

Rooney buried her face in the soft skin between her neck and her shoulder, deeply inhaling the other woman's sweet scent.

Cate took her face in her hands. She caressed her cheeks with her long fingers and looked deeply in her eyes.

Rooney felt hypnotized, like she was drowning in a deep blue ocean.

“I love you, Cate. That’s the only thing that matters to me. I don't care about the others. I don't care if we have to hide. I just wanna be with you, even though that might mean that we will see each other only a few hours in a month, or even once a year. I don't care. It's enough for me what you wrote in that letter. You say that your heart is mine. I say all of me is yours, not only my heart, everything. Do whatever you want with me. That’s how much I love you.”

Cate sighed holding her closer.

“Oh my darling…That’s what I was afraid of. You are not thinking about yourself. You're sacrificing yourself on the altar of love. But what if it changes, what if your love fades and you wake up one day realizing that you’ve wasted your precious time chasing an illusion? You’ll end up hating me”

Rooney suddenly broke apart from her.

“Cate, will you please stop talking to me like a was a not-so-clever child?” Rooney said decisively “I perfectly know what our relationship will mean. And I don't care. I’ll be wasting my time if I choose not to be with you, because I’ve never felt anything like this for anyone and I never will. It’s not an illusion. And even if it changes, I’ll never end up hating you. Remember that Cate, no matter what, I’ll never hate you.”

She could see that the other woman wasn't completely sure yet. She clearly didn't believe that she was being objective about the whole situation.

“Unless _you_ have second thoughts” Rooney said, with her eyes locked on her. “I mean if you are not sure, then you have to tell-”

She suddenly felt her lips pressed against her mouth. Rooney opened her mouth to deepen the kiss. Cate’s tongue felt wonderful, intertwined with hers.

“As if _I_ could ever have second thoughts about you!” She whispered against her lips, pressing her forehead gently against hers. “I’m just worried. I don't want you to get hurt. Promise me you know what you are doing and that you're sure, and I swear I won't talk about it ever again”

Rooney closed her eyes and put a hand on the side of her beautiful face. Their forehead were still against one another.

“I’m sure, baby. I promise”

She opened her eyes. Cate was watching her. Her eyes were several shades darker than usual. A rush of pure desire pervaded her body, when she hold her face and kissed her passionately.

 

  
CANNES 2017

 

  
“Would you please lower your voice, I have a headache that's killing me” Cate murmured, she sounded really tired.

“Lower my..?!” Rooney exclaimed in disbelief. She took a deep breath trying to calm herself. “You haven't contacted me for months. Not one text. Not one call. And then suddenly you send me that message, and I should lower my voice?!”

“I know, Rooney. I’m sorry”

Hearing her voice calling her name was almost unbearable. Rooney got up and started pacing around the room in her underwear.

“You are sorry? Do you really remember what you wrote to me? How disrespectful and degrading were your insinuations? I thought you were better than that. I thought you knew me better than that. That was more than unfair.” She tried to keep her voice steady, while tears were threatening to fall from her eyes.

Cate didn't answer. Silence. Unbearable silence. Rooney was starting to fear that the line went dead, when she heard a muffled sob.

Cate was crying.

Cate never cried.

Rooney hadn't expected that and was utterly shocked. Tears began to stream down her face too now and she started to shake uncontrollably. She had to sit on her bed and she leaned forward bringing a hand to her face.

“What I did was unforgivable. I was drunk. It's not a good period, you know. I'm so, so sorry.” Cate said after a while, in a barely audible whisper.

“Drunk? I thought you could come up with a better excuse” she replied, her voice a bit shaky.

Silence again.

“I need to see you” she said in the end.

Rooney didn't reply.

“I’m in London now, but I’ll be back in New York in two days. Would you please come and see me?”

Rooney tried to speak but her voice didn't come out. She cleared her throat and tried again.

“I don't live in New York anymore”

_Not since you moved there. Not since every spot of my beloved city reminds me of you. Not since you spoiled it with your gorgeous, unbearable presence._

“I know. But I need to talk to you”

She could hear that Cate was finding it hard to keep her voice steady.

“No” Rooney replied flat eventually.

Silence.

Deafening silence.

“Do you hate me, Rooney?”

Tears started to flow again down her cheeks and she had to bite hard her fist to avoid sobbing on the phone. She blinked hard trying to calm herself, but the pain inside her was growing and slowly crushing her. She breathed deeply.

“No, I don't hate you.” she murmured in the end. “You were just a huge disappointment”

Silence.

Then the line went dead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's pretty clear now that because of this fanfic I'll never pass my exams... I'm sooo desperate and stressed ooout :(
> 
> So please leave a comment to cheer me up a bit! ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	19. This is happiness (?)

 

 

CANNES 2015

  
Rooney got elegantly out of the black SUV that brought her to the Croisette. For a second she was blinded by camera flashes, even though it was broad daylight. She didn't smile to the photographers and just walked on the fake red carpet. In a minute she would meet Cate. That was all that mattered. They hadn't seen each other for more than a month now, and she was longing to be able to finally be with her again. She spotted her and Todd climbing the stairs. Cate was more than beautiful. The black dress she was wearing was absolutely stunning and paired so well with her blond locks. Cate turned her head absentmindedly and their eyes met. She froze in the middle of something she was saying and that made Todd turn as well. He waved enthusiastically. Only then Rooney realized that she had stopped in the middle of the stairs. She shook from the spell Cate had cast on her and quickly reached them. Cate greeted her with a brief hug and Rooney felt burning under that touch.

“Rooney, finally! We were starting to worry!” Todd said awkwardly hugging her. “How are you?”

“Uhm fine, thanks!” she replied when he finally released her.

Then she turned to Cate who was smiling broadly.

“You look absolutely gorgeous” Cate said caressing her upper arm and lightly squeezing it.

Rooney blushed and lowered her eyes slightly embarrassed. It was the first time they were together publicly and she didn't really know how to behave.

“Well, thank you. You, too” she managed to say.

She raised her eyes and saw that Cate was watching her amused. Somehow, seeing her adorable half-smile, calmed Rooney down. They were reached by Phyllis, too, and when they had all greeted her appropriately, Todd said clapping his hands:

“Well, now that we are all here, I think we should go to the photo shoot”

Cate and Rooney both nodded but let him go first with Phyllis.

“Well, don't you have anything to confess to me?” Rooney whispered once they were relatively alone.

Cate watched her slightly confused.

Rooney grinned.

“I didn't know you had relationships with women “many times” in the past…” she said casually.

“Oh God, you saw that too…” Cate said clearly annoyed.

Rooney laughed.

“Well, it was hard not seeing it. You made the headlines!”

“I was being ironic, for fuck’s sake! Karma is punishing me for being always such a smartass during interviews…”

“Yeah sure, the truth is that you’ve lied to me… I was not your first one. I can feel the cold blade of betrayal stuck in my heart” Rooney said joking.

Cate turned her head to look at her. There was a tender smile on her lips.

“God, I’ve missed you so much” she whispered softly.

They finally got inside, where a crowd of journalists and fans was waiting for them. They were calling their names and taking photographs. The place was full of people. Cate and Rooney tried their best to go to them and leave autographs and exchange a few words with them. At one point they almost bumped into one another, while moving in opposite directions. Cate moved on her side clapping absentmindedly her breast to avoid clashing against her. Rooney turned towards her, grabbing lightly her arm and mouthed:

“You just grabbed my boob”

“I know” Cate replied with a laughter, while going on walking to a journalist.

Then a few members of the staff finally escorted them to the photo shoot.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
“… you declared to Variety you’ve loved women many times in your life. I would like to ask you if this loves were openly loved…”

Rooney shot a side glance to Cate and saw that her head was slightly tilted on the side and that the look on her face was dangerously annoyed.

_Uh oh… that's not good…_

“… and what inspired you to build the wonderful character of Carol, thank you very much” The journalist concluded with a heavy Italian accent.

Rooney noticed that if glances could kill people, the one Cate had shot him, would have burnt him alive.

_And there she goes…_

“Uhm… from memory the conversation ran “Have you had relationships with women?” and I said: “Yes, many times. If you mean I’ve had sexual relationships with women than the answer is no”, but that obviously didn't make it to print. Not really..” She laughed, but Rooney could see that she was angry. “But in 2015 the point should be… _who cares_?...”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“ “ _Cate Blanchett vents frustration over bisexual rumors_ ” and… you’ve made the headlines again!” Rooney said watching the news on her phone.

“Mmh baby, would you please put that down?” Cate said kissing her neck.

“I just love watching your angry face again and again” she replied showing her a photograph from the press conference. “That look on your face… so sexy…”

“You will see that look on my face now if you don't switch that thing off” Cate said annoyed.

“Is that a promise?” Rooney laughed, putting her phone on the nightstand.

“Mmmh that’s better. I want you all for myself…” she said caressing her cheek.

Rooney slowly slipped her arm around her naked waist and started caressing her ribs and her spine with her fingers.

“I’m yours…always” Rooney whispered against her lips.

“My darling… my sweet darling… if only things were different” she murmured closing her eyes. She softly took her upper lip in her mouth, then her lower one gently biting it. Rooney opened her mouth to give Cate’s tongue a better access.

She felt heavenly.

 _This is happiness_ , she thought shocked, as if she had finally understood the true meaning of the word.

Cate slipped on top of her kissing her neck, her breast, her stomach, her tight…

Rooney gasped, grabbing the sheets between her fingers.

_This is happiness._

 

L.A 2017

  
 _Guilt_.

Horrible guilt.

That was the only thing Rooney was feeling, while staring at the ceiling of her room. She was lying on her bed, unable to get up, unable to think about anything that wasn't Cate.

She shouldn't have said that. She shouldn't have. It was cruel.

_You were just a huge disappointment._

She started crying silently again. She simply couldn't prevent tears from falling from her eyes. Cate shouldn't have sent that text, that's true, but Rooney had hurt her badly saying those cold words.

How was it possible for Rooney to still love her? She was with Joaquin now, but she couldn't get Cate out of her mind.

She turned her head. Joaquin was sleeping peacefully next to her. He was so handsome. She slowly caressed his cheek, hating herself because it was not his skin she wanted to touch.

She suddenly remembered something Cate had said during one of the many interviews about Carol. Something about the likely possibility of Carol killing herself after drinking too much rye one evening if she hadn't found Therese. And then those words Cate had said to her, on one of their first days in Cincinnati.

_I feel a bit like Carol, you know…only I don't have a Therese to cling to._

And then the day before.

… _I was drunk. I’m so, so sorry._

Without thinking too much, Rooney took her phone from the bedside table and switched it on. The white light almost blinded her. She touched the message icon. She started typing, then she suddenly switched it off and put it again on her nightstand.

 _Shit_.

Cate was not like Carol. She wouldn't suicide, not for her at least.

_Stop being ridiculous. She is just sad. You are sad, too. Time will heal everything._

No. Time wouldn't heal what she was feeling. Hearing Cate on the phone had been enough to let the feelings she had poorly hidden months before, resurface and drown her like a wave.

And if she met Cate at this stage, she would never recover, she knew that. Maybe she should be selfish. Just selfish. Forget about what Cate was going through and finally get over her.

But then she remember her pleading voice asking Rooney to meet her and her muffled sobs.

Cate never cried.

Cate never pleaded.

Well, except in movies. But they were not in a movie. There was no “cut” to bring them back, away from that nightmare. Away from that pain. They couldn't take and retake their scenes. They couldn't just stop acting and get back to their true happy selves. Leaving the misery and anger of their characters behind.

She took a deep breath, then grabbed her phone. She quickly typed a text and pressed _send_ , before she could have any second thoughts.

“Who writes to you in the middle of the night?” Joaquin’s soft whisper made her jump. “Your secret lover?”

Rooney laughed poorly trying to sound convincing. Joaquin wrapped his arms around her slim body.

“It’s my sister actually. I’m afraid I’ll have to go to New York for a couple of days, next week”

“Oh, baby… you sure you really have to go?” he said holding her tight.

“It will only be a couple of days, you know… not a lifetime” she said trying to joke about it.

“It will feel like a lifetime for me” Joaquin slowly kissed her mouth. His short beard tickled her cheeks.

She kissed him back, feeling absolutely nothing for the first time.

Those weren't the lips she wanted to feel on her mouth. That wasn't the tongue she wanted licking her neck. That wasn't the scent she wanted to smell.

Rooney let him slid on top of her, feeling empty. Completely empty. Like a lifeless puppet unable to feel anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well, you can't leave for a week that a (very similar to yours) new fanfic appears... anyway I hope that my beloved readers won't give up on me for something new and, most likely, more interesting... ;) 
> 
> Hahah, leave comments guys and let me know if you liked this chapter!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	20. When lovely woman stoops to folly

  
NEW YORK 2017

  
Rooney was pacing up and down her apartment, she had never been so nervous in her entire life. Suddenly a few lines from “ _The Waste Land_ ” by T.S. Eliot came to her mind.

 _When lovely woman stoops to folly and_  
Paces about her room again, alone,  
She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,  
And puts a record on the gramophone.

Well, she was lovely, she was pacing about her apartment and she was definitely stooping to folly.

_Oh God, I can't do this._

What would she tell her? What would she do when her beautiful face would be once again in front of her eyes? She would probably throw up...

There was a knock at the door.

_Shit shit shit_

Rooney’s heart was beating so fast that it was almost unbearable. She was tempted not to answer.

_Don't be a fucking idiot. Go open that fucking door._

She forced herself to move towards the door. Her hand was trembling when she put it on the handle, slowly turning it down.

“Rooney! About time!”

Rooney froze.

_What. The. Fuck. Wrong Kate._

“Kate! What on earth are you doing here!” she said to her sister, still shocked.

“Well, I’d heard you were in town so I thought I should come and visit my little sister. Shame on you, by the way, why didn't you mention you were back in New York? I had to hear it from mum…” she replied walking past Rooney, in the apartment.

“I’m only here for a couple of days, you know…”

“Have you already quarreled with your new beau?” Kate said with a wicked smile.

Rooney snorted irritated.

“Listen Kate, it's not really the best moment…”

“I can't wait to meet him by the way… I’ve loved him since “The Gladiator”, although he is a bit short…” she said completely ignoring her.

“… said the 6-feet-tall girl…” Rooney commented ironic under her breath.

Kate laughed.

“Aren't you offering me something to drink, sis?”

“Look, Kate, is there anything in particular you wanted to tell me? Because I have to meet someone in about-” she said tired massaging her forehead.

“Uh and who are you meeting who’s so important to make you chase away your favourite sister?” Kate said with a smile.

“You are my only sister…” Rooney replied “and it’s not your busin-”

She was interrupted by a knocking at the door.

Rooney's heart skipped a beat. She moved her eyes to the door and then she moved her gaze back to her sister. They stayed frozen looking at each other for a few seconds, then Kate smiled wickedly. Only then Rooney realized that Kate was the one nearest to the door.

“Kate. Don't you dare-”

But her sister had already sprinted towards it. Rooney did the same to try to stop her, but it was too late. Her hand was already on the handle.

_Fuck! FUCK!_

Kate opened the door and Rooney heard her gasp.

“Oh” said the familiar, husky voice of the woman outside. Rooney couldn't see her, but she felt a shiver going down her spine.

“Hello. Is Rooney home? I thought we had an appointment… but maybe I'm a bit early?”

Kate’s head slowly turned towards Rooney. She looked completely shocked, her mouth was still open.

Rooney sighed and went to the door.

“Hi, Cate” she said raising her hand, surprised at being actually able to speak. Cate was beautiful as always, but she looked tired, as if she hadn't slept for days.

Cate raised her eyebrows surprised.

“Oh, hi”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Rooney suddenly remembered that they weren't alone.

“This is my sister, by the way” she said.

Kate smiled like an idiot and took the hand the stunning blond woman was offering to her.

“It’s very nice to meet you” Cate said with a little smile.

“You, too” she replied.

Rooney had rarely seen her sister speechless, but that was one of those blessed moments.

“Please, come in” Rooney said in a quite formal tone.

Cate walked in, looking quite unsure.

Kate closed the door and behind Cate’s back she gestured her and mouthed to Rooney:

“ _It's Cate fucking Blanchett!!”_

Rooney closed briefly her eyes not really believing it was actually happening.

“Kate, you said you had to go to meet mum, right?” she said eventually, watching her eloquently.

Her sister stared at the both of them for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. I better be going, I’m late already” she said quickly, looking at her wrist, around which there was no watch to look at.

Rooney shook her head, closing her eyes again.

“It's been a pleasure meeting you, Ms Blanchett”

“Likewise” Cate said, looking a bit confused on what was happening.

“Bye Rooney. I’ll call you later” she said before finally getting out of the apartment.

“Thank God…” Rooney said under her breath, closing the door.

Then she slowly turned to Cate.

 

  
L.A. 2016 (INDEPENDENT SPIRIT AWARDS)

 

  
“It’s a complex film, with the simplest truth: …” Cate said with her low, husky voice. Rooney turned and looked at her with a loving smile “… _love is love_. Here is Carol”

Rooney could tell that Cate’s mood had changed. She watched her concerned, while they were walking together off stage.

“Is everything all right?” she whispered softly.

“No, but that's not the place, nor the time to talk about it” she replied cold, going towards their table.

Rooney was taken aback.

“Okay, now you follow me outside and explain what’s going on” she said then with a tone that didn't contemplate a “no” as an answer.

Cate followed her outside the theatre, in the deserted hall.

“You had to invite _him_ here?” Cate burst keeping her voice very low.

“Him? You mean Charlie?” Rooney asked incredulously. “Cate, he’s only my friend now!”

“You even spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with him!”

“I’ve already explained that to you. He had invited me there, his parents adore me but they all know we are not together anymore. And besides, he is my perfect cover if the papers believe we are still together. I thought you'd be actually pleased with that!”

Cate sighed massaging her forehead.

“I’m sorry… I’m behaving like a crazy asshole. It's just that… God, I hate not being able to be with you always, you know, like a normal couple…”

Rooney couldn't help but smile at her, showing her dimples.

“Well, you are _my_ crazy asshole, even though we can't stay together on Christmas or on other fucking holidays”

Cate smiled back.

“Sometimes I think I don't really deserve you… you're wonderful, darling” she said. Then she added, whispering playfully in the ear:

“And with those glasses… mmh… you’re hot as fuck, baby”

Rooney burst into laughter blushing.

“Come on, we should get back inside”

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
“Come on, Charlie. We have to get to the car” Rooney said slightly exasperated.

“I’m coming, I’m coming” he replied laughing and tripping on his feet. “I think I shouldn't have drunk all that champagne”

“Yeah” she replied laughing as well, seeing him so inebriated.

They finally got to the black car that was waiting for them outside the theatre. She briefly spotted Todd and Phyllis getting in theirs.

Charlie leaned his back against the SUV closing his eyes.

“Come on, open the door and get in” Rooney said as if she was talking to a not-so-bright little kid.

“Wait… I have to tell you something…” his speech was beginning to slur.

“Okay, but once you've told me, you’ll get in the car like a good boy” she replied tired. Her patience was running out.

“Rooney I love you… I still love you…” he blurted suddenly.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” Rooney said under her breath, rolling her eyes. “Charlie, please… you are drunk, get in the car”

“No, no… you have to listen to me! I love you too much… I can't only be your friend, you gotta give me another chance… please”

Rooney suddenly felt his arms around her waist and his lips on hers. Rooney was so surprised that she opened her mouth without thinking, giving him the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

When she finally realized what was happening, she quickly broke apart from him. She turned her head with her mouth still half opened. That’s when she saw _her_.

Cate was in the middle of the pavement in front of her car. She looked like a beautiful, petrified greek sculpture.

Rooney felt herself grow paler and paler watching the terrible look in her eyes, and realizing that Charlie was still holding her.

She wanted to shout her name and explain everything, but no sound came out of her mouth.

And in a split second Cate had already turned and got in the car.

Charlie finally let her go and walked a little away from the SUV. Then he leaned forward and started throwing up.

Rooney remained frozen on the pavement, feeling horribly sick as well, but for an entirely different reason.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, guys, I know... I'm flabbergasted myself ;) 
> 
> Hahahaha, anyway, I just wanted to say that I was kidding in my last note! I was surely not accusing anyone of plagiarism! I just wanted to create a bit of chaos, I was in a breaking mood :,D And I agree with you that there aren't enough fanfics about these two so... I'll read this new one as soon as I've finished to write mine (in order not to be influenced), and I'm sure I'll enjoy it a lot! ;)
> 
> Please, let me know of what you think of this chapteeeer! I really need your comments, they keep me going :)


	21. Breaking point

 

L.A. 2016 (ACADEMY AWARDS)

  
Cate didn't answer her phone. She didn't reply to her texts. She didn't want to see her.

Cate was destroying all they had for a big misunderstanding.

Why wouldn't she talk to her? She could explain everything!

But Rooney knew why. She knew what it must have looked like, that kiss with Charlie.

Cate was angry. No. She was more than angry. She was furious, humiliated, _betrayed_.

Rooney knew that she was proud, very proud. Cate was funny and chilled out and easy-going, but deep down she was exactly as she looks like when you first meet her without knowing her. Proud, aloof, regal. She _is_ a queen. _Queen Cate._ And if she ever thinks you’ve been disloyal, she’ll never forgive you.

That was the truth.

And that was the reason why Rooney was so desperate to make her believe how things really were! It hadn't been her fault. Charlie was drunk and he kissed her! There was nothing she could do about it! It hadn't been her fault!

Rooney was looking outside the window of her SUV, ready to climb down on the red carpet.

But in that moment, the only thing she wanted to do was shout her lungs out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
Rooney spotted _her_ among the crowd on the red carpet. She would have spotted her among millions and millions of people. She looked breathtaking.

_An angel, she looks like an angel._

She had cut her air – which is never a good sign – and that Armani dress looked like a piece of art on her perfect body.

She suddenly turned. Their eyes met. For a brief moment her cold stare petrified her.

Cate was beautiful, utterly beautiful, but Rooney noticed for the first time that there was something horrible – cruel! – in all that beauty.

It was just a brief moment, then her face melted in a warm smile and she waved at her. Rooney went to her with trembling legs.

“Gotcha!” Cate said slipping an arm around her shoulders, smiling broadly.

Rooney smiled a little, feeling utterly confused.

Photographers were calling their name, so they turned to them smiling. Cate’s arm was now around her waist, and was squeezing her tightly against her body.

They were reached by Todd as well, who left with Cate to take some pictures alone. Rooney watched them walk away hand in hand.

Then she saw Todd step on the train of her gorgeous Armani dress. The look on Cate's face, made Rooney run towards the two of them. And while Todd was profusely apologizing, Rooney bent down to heal the mess he had caused to her dress.

She knew that people would talk about her gesture, but she couldn't care less. After all Cate _was_ her Queen.

“Thank you” she simply said.  
  
Then they followed Todd inside the theatre. While walking to their sits, Rooney tried to whisper:

“Cate…”

“I think we need to take a break, Rooney. So you can figure out what you really want” she whispered back softly and aloof, slightly touching her hand.

Rooney saw the flashing light of a camera, taking a picture of the two of them from behind, while she was slowly dying inside.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
Rooney was in her hotel room restlessly pacing around.

She hadn't had the chance to talk to Cate during the ceremony, since she had completely ignored her, and when she wasn't completely ignoring her, Cate had spent most of her time outside the theatre without following the awards.

After the ceremony, she had tried to call her, but the only answer she got was from her voicemail.

So she had gone straight to her hotel, too depressed to join any of the many after parties, other celebrities were throwing and attending.

She had smoked a cigarette feeling utterly miserable and then she had gone straight to bed, hoping for sleep to relieve some of the pain she was feeling inside.

She had woken up in the morning feeling more frustrated than ever. She had tried to call her again, but the now familiar voicemail had answered instead of Cate.

Now, in the middle of the afternoon, she was pacing around the room not really knowing what to do.

Her phone buzzed on the bed. She ran to it, hoping it was Cate.

It wasn't Cate. It was fucking Taylor Swift. Why couldn't she just leave her alone? She didn't want to join her freak group of snobbish super models! She wasn't one of them. Taylor remembered her of one of the fucking cheerleaders she used to hate in high school, so she switched off her phone, annoyed.

Then she suddenly got on her feet and grabbed her jacket. She had to go to her. She had to explain to her that she didn't need time. That the only thing she needed was her. That she couldn't even bear the thought of losing her, of living without her.

She quickly took a cab and went to the hotel where she knew Cate would be. Somehow she would make the receptionist tell her what room Cate was in. She was Rooney Mara, after all, not some creepy fan trying to get to see her idol!

It took her some effort and a lot of patience to actually convince him she really was Cate’s colleague. But in the end he gave in, telling her the room number.

In less than five minutes she was in front of her door. She knew that it was madness, but she couldn't afford to lose her. So after taking a very deep breath she knocked.

Rooney heard some noises coming from the inside, and after a few seconds, the door was opened.

Rooney’s mouth fell open and her heart skipped a beat.

“Uhm, I’m sorry I thought it was room service” said Andrew Upton, clearly embarrassed, wearing only a towel around his waist, under his naked belly. “Are you… ? Yeah, you must be… Rooney, Rooney Mara”

Rooney felt her mouth going numb.

“Who’s that, darling?” said the familiar husky voice coming from the inside.

“Uh I think it's for you… it's… it's Rooney Mara!” he shouted back pretty confused, smiling at Rooney.

She felt sick. She had to swallow hard trying not to throw up her lunch.

She heard some noises from the inside and then Cate appeared hastily closing her silk nightgown.

Their eyes met and for a moment it felt like time had frozen.

Andrew cleared his voice and brought them back to reality.

“Well, I think I will go down to the pool, honey” he said going back inside to take his swimming costume and to put on his bath robe.

Then he came back. They were still staring into each other's eyes.

“Okay, see you later” he said, kissing Cate softly on the lips.

Suddenly Rooney didn't feel numb anymore. The only thing she was feeling now was rage and anger rising from her chest to her head.

“It was really nice meeting you, Rooney” he said smiling kindly, passing her by.

Rooney somehow managed a smile, but she punched him repeatedly inside her head.

When he was finally gone, Cate turned and walked inside the room without inviting her in.

Rooney followed her anyway and closed the door behind her back.

Cate turned again giving her a defiant look.

They stayed like that for a moment. Rooney could almost hear her frantic heartbeat.

“Are you sleeping with him again now?” she heard herself asking, dead serious.

“Yes” Cate simply answered, always keeping her eyes locked on hers.

Rooney felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water on her.

She slowly nodded, feeling anger taking over her brain.

Then she suddenly grabbed the first thing she saw – a wine glass placed on the small table – and she threw it against the opposite wall.

The piercing noise of glass shuttered against the wall filled her head and matched the one her heart was making while exploding into million pieces inside her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I KNOOOW!! I'm sad myself, so I can imagine how you're all feeling guys! ;)
> 
> Let me know, let me know! Love your comments!!!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	22. The end

L.A. 2016

  
Cate didn't move. She didn't even flinch at the noise of the glass breaking into pieces against the wall. She didn't even turn towards it. She just went on looking at her.

“Feeling any better?” she finally asked. Her voice was as cold as ice. Her eyes were even colder.

“Do I-” Rooney started. She could feel she was on the verge of tears, so she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

“Why? Why would you do that? TELL ME WHY!”

“He is my husband” her dead calm tone was frightening “and besides, I don't really understand why it bothers you”

“You are kidding me, right?” Rooney replied incredulous.

“Well, you seem to have no problem in sleeping with you little boyfriend, so I don't see why I can't do as I please with my husband” she replied with indifference, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not sleeping with Charlie, for fuck’s sake!” she said frustrated raising her voice.

“Oh, so you just happened to trip and fall on his tongue the other night, right?” Cate said with a cold laughter.

“Oh God, I’ve explained that in the hundreds of texts I’ve sent you!”

“His tongue was stuck in your throat, what's there to explain, darling?”

Rooney looked at her not really believing what was happening.

“Have you…? You haven't even read the texts I’ve sent you!” she was almost shouting now.

“I told you, there was _nothing_ to explain. I know what I saw. You think you're hurt now, sweetheart? Well, you have no idea how I felt in that moment” her calm was now being replaced by a poorly hidden anger.

Rooney was starting to have difficulty in breathing. Tears started to fall from her eyes, but she dried them with a nervous gesture of the hand.

“He was drunk” she managed to say.

“What?”

“He was _fucking_ drunk and I was trying to get him in the car, when he kissed me” Rooney shouted. “And you would have known that if you had read at least one of the fucking texts I’ve sent you!”

She brought he hands on her hips trying to breath between the sobs that were shaking her body.

Then, when she felt a bit calmer, she raised her head and looked in her grey eyes. Something was different, the ice-cold look was fading away and was slowly being replaced by the realization that she was actually telling the truth. Rooney could see from the small changes in her facial expressions that the terrible awareness of having made an unforgivable mistake, was finally dawning on her.

“Do you know what hurts me the most?” Rooney said angrily “That you immediately jumped to the conclusions. You didn't even ask for an explanation. I was _guilty_ from the beginning for you. You didn't trust me, not even a little bit, not even as little as it was required to ask _me_ what really happened.”

They stayed silent for a moment, but Rooney's anger was still rising.

“And if that wasn't enough you immediately wanted to punish me, to humiliate me going to bed with him!” she shouted “Well, very mature of you, Cate”

The blond woman opened her mouth ready to speak, but Rooney interrupted her.

“I thought you were different, you know. But I guess I was in love with _the idea I had of you_ , rather than with who you really are. My bad”

Rooney turned, and walked towards the door.

“Rooney, I’m sorry..” she heard Cate whisper.

She slowly turned.

“Oh, fuck you, Cate"

Then she opened the door and got out of the room, without looking back. She walked down the corridor and reached for the elevator.

She didn't immediately press the button, but she looked back instead. She waited a few seconds, hoping that Cate would rush out of her room and run to her and tell her to stop and fight for their love. Like it happened at the end of every silly romantic movie. Like it happened in _Carol_. But nothing happened and no one came out running from her room.

They weren't in a movie this time and that was their real life ending.

She pressed the button and called the elevator.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry This one is a bit short, but it's also a very important chapter to understand what happened between them! Before they can talk about it in 2017 in the next chapter! 
> 
> Hope you are not too sad about it or angry with me, hahahaha! I want to know what you think, please leave a comment!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	23. Anger

NEW YORK 2017

  
Rooney slowly turned to face her. Cate was leaning her back against the counter. They said nothing for a while.

“Well, aren't you going to say anything?” Rooney said in the end.

“You look very fine” she replied trying to smile. “I like the hair…”

“Thank you, you look fine too” Rooney didn't really know what to say, her brain felt completely shut down.

“Your sister seems… interesting”

“Yeah, sorry for that… she is kinda starstruck..”

Silence fell again between them but they just couldn't keep the eyes off each other.

“Okay” said Rooney eventually, sighing “enough with all this. We are not strangers, so let's stop acting like we are”

Cate raised her eyebrows surprised.

_I'm changed, you know. I'm not anymore the girl who couldn't talk to you without blushing or was completely in awe of you._

“You said you wanted to talk. Well, let’s talk then” she said getting near her.

_God, I didn't remember how beautiful she actually is._

“Yeah right..” Cate whispered lowering her eyes for the first time. “I’m so so _so_ sorry, Rooney. I'm sorry for being a huge disappointment, I’m sorry for not being the woman you thought I was, I’m sorry for not being always there for you, I’m sorry for having behaved like a fucking proud bitch. I’m just so so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you...”

Rooney saw a tear falling from her perfect face. It looked like a small diamond, hit by the dim light coming from the window.

Rooney took a step back.

“Oh stop _fucking_ doing this!” she said. Suddenly she was very angry. Angry with her, angry with their fucked up situation but most of all she was angry with herself, for not being able to let her go.

“Doing what? Apologizing?” Cate asked confused.

“No, crying!” Rooney said in a whisper. “You know I can't stand this. I can't stand to see you crying. It freaks me out! And I can't stand to see you like this! Broken, defeated… I can't-”

She had to stop, because she could feel that tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. She blinked hard.

“That's why I didn't want to see you, Cate! Because it’s easier to be angry with you, when I can't see your face, or your eyes, or hear your voice. And I am so _fucking_ angry with you”

“I know. I’m sorry” Cate said taking a step forward. For a moment she looked unsure of what doing next, then she just stood still in front of her.

“Yeah, but that's not gonna change anything. For a while I thought I was finally better with Joaquin, that I was finally happy again, that I had finally recovered from… _you_ ”

“I understand, he… he seems really nice” Cate said with a blank face.

“Yeah… but he’s NOT YOU” she almost shouted.

Finally tears came streaming down her cheeks and she covered her face with her hands. Her body was shaking uncontrollably.

She could hear Cate getting nearer. Suddenly she felt her hands tentatively touching her. Then when she saw that apparently Rooney wasn't going to push her away, she wrapped her arms around her shaking back and shoulders.

Rooney started to cry even harder at that touch. She was suddenly reached by her wonderful, familiar scent. She felt like her chest could explode from all the discordant emotions she was experiencing in that moment.

Without breaking apart from her, Cate guided her to the sofa and they both sat down. Rooney laid her head on her breast still sobbing.

“Oh baby.. what can I do to make you feel better?” Rooney could hear that her tone was very concerned.

“Just hold me, please..” she managed to say. She immediately felt Cate’s warm arms, close tighter around her body.

They stayed like that until her sobs had subsided. Then Rooney raised her head.

“This is wrong… we shouldn't do this”

“Why?”

“Because you fucking broke my heart and I should be _hating_  you, not crying on your shoulder!”

Cate sighed.

“What shall we do then?”

“I don't know” Rooney replied shaking her head.

“God, we really are like Carol and Therese! That film was a fucking curse!” Cate said with a sigh, leaning her back against the sofa.

“Well, they are happy at the end” she said watching her deeply in the eyes.

“We won't be” Cate replied with a said smile, stroking Rooney's short hair.

Rooney closed her eyes, savoring the moment. Cate’s hand was now hot against her cheek, slowly caressing it.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you”

“But you didn't do anything to win me back” Rooney replied. Her eyes were still closed while she enjoyed the pleasure of her light touch.

“I know” she simply replied.

“Why?” she asked in a whisper.

Cate’s hand was now lightly caressing her jaw, then she felt her thumb softly stroking her lips. Rooney lightly parted them. She had the sudden impulse to lick it, but she forced herself not to do it.

“I thought it was best for both of us if we ended it. I was scared of what I was becoming. I am usually the one in control, the one who is adored, not the one who is desperately in love. And I was desperately in love with you. That’s why I got scared. When I saw you with Charlie I just freaked out. So I thought that if we broke up, with you hating me, you wouldn't suffer so much. I was wrong. I was terribly wrong.” she murmured.

“No” Rooney replied finally opening her eyes. Cate’s hand was on her neck now.

“No?”

“Don't say you broke my heart for my own good, please. I’m not stupid, you know. You went back to your husband because you thought I had betrayed you. Your pride was hurt and you were humiliated, you wanted revenge. You wanted to hurt me, as much as you were hurt.” she said feeling a familiar anger rising again in her chest.

Cate looked intensively in her green eyes.

“You are right” she said sighing in the end “I have no excuses for my behaviour. But I really didn't go back to you, for the reasons I’ve just said. I am a proud idiot, but you have to believe me when I say that seeing you hurt and miserable, breaks my heart in a million pieces”

Cate slowly removed the hand from her neck, and lowered her eyes.

“Put it back” Rooney whispered.

Cate raised one eyebrow surprised, but did as she was told.

Rooney closed her eyes again.

“Do you love him?” she heard Cate asking in a barely audible whisper.

Rooney didn't immediately answer, enjoying the feeling of Cate’s hand slowly slipping under her Nirvana’s grey t-shirt.

“Yes. Yes, I think I do”

She could feel Cate was getting nearer to her face.

“I’m glad”

Rooney felt her whisper against her lips, and a shiver went down her spine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the answer is yes in case you were wondering. I really do like to leave you hanging, hahahah! (:
> 
> Oh my, my... what will Rooney do? What will Cate do? (I don't really know myself, I guess only time will tell us ;) )
> 
> Leave comments guys!!! 
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	24. My favourite drug

NEW YORK 2017

 

Cate’s hand was slowly going up her back, under her t-shirt, and Rooney felt heavenly for the first time in months.

“And tell me, does it feel the same when he touches you?” Cate murmured with her low, husky voice.

She didn't answer to that obvious question.

Her eyes were still closed, but Rooney could hear that Cate was now dangerously close.

She leaned her back on the sofa, and could feel the blond woman slightly on top of her.

He hand was now halfway up her back, when it suddenly stopped. Only then Rooney remembered that she was wearing no bra underneath, and Cate must have realized it too at that point.

Her hand moved on the front and slightly brushed her naked nipple. Rooney couldn't help but holding her breath.

“I’m waiting for an answer, you know?” she whispered in her ear, slowly licking her lobe.

Rooney’s heart was beating so fast that it was almost unbearable. She felt her phone buzzing in her jeans pocket, but she ignored it.

She finally opened her eyes. Cate was so close that she could see all the shades of grey and blue of her beautiful eyes. Her pupils were dilated and she looked like a magnificent feline ready to eat her prey.

Rooney raised her hand and touched her well-shaped mouth with her fingers. Cate slowly licked them with her tongue, always looking in her eyes.

Rooney was feeling wonderfully dizzy and was beginning to understand how a drug addict must feel every time he injects his favourite brand of heroine. Only, in her case, Cate was her drug. And she was falling again in that sweet oblivion, and she knew it was too late now to back down. There was no point in doing it, she had already injected her dose. She knew she would feel terrible after that brief moment of pure joy, but it was to late. The only thing she could do was enjoying the moment not thinking about the consequences.

Cate’s long, elegant fingers were expertly unbuttoning her black jeans, and she slowly slipped her hand inside them, between her legs.

Rooney couldn't help but moaning.

“Mmm, I take that as “no” then…” she said with a sly, satisfied smile.

Rooney suddenly raised herself and swiftly moved to climb on top of her. Cate watched her surprised.

“Of course it was a _fucking_ _no_ ” Rooney replied with a hoarse voice, taking off her Nirvana’s t-shirt and throwing it on the white wooden floor.

Cate looked at her bare chest with her mouth half opened.

Rooney took her face in her hand, forcing her to look her in the eyes.

“And does your loving hubby kiss you like this?” she said in an angry whisper.

Then she pressed her mouth on hers. Taking her lower lip between hers and sucking it hard and slightly biting it. A moan escaped from Cate’s mouth. Rooney felt the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, but she didn't stop. Cate was now kissing her fiercely back. Her tongue licked her lips, and then entered her mouth entwining perfectly with hers.

Rooney's hand hastily unbuttoned her black shirt and threw it behind her shoulders, without breaking the kiss. Then she undid her bra, quickly removing it. She brought her lips on the blonde’s milky-white neck and sucked hard. She felt Cate’s nails sink in the soft flesh of her back, but again she didn't stop.

She went back to her lips and slipped a hand inside her grey trousers. Cate moaned louder in her mouth.

Her phone buzzed insistently in her pocket. She suddenly broke the kiss with a loud _smack_ slightly pulling Cate's blond locks with her hand to keep her head still, while she hastily took her phone out of her pocket.

“Yeah?” she answered with a horse voice, always looking into Cate’s darkened eyes.

“About time, Roons!”

“What do you want, Kate?” she replied sharp.

“Listen, I don't know what you are up to or what’s going on there, but your gloomy boyfriend is here in the hall and I don't know for how long more I can keep him distracted before he comes up. So I’d suggest you to make Ms Blanchett _fucking_ go now”

“Wait, _WHAT_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, I just love cliffhangers sooo much... please don't hate me and indulge me instead, my beloved readers... <3 ;)
> 
> Hope you liked this one! ;)
> 
> Please, please leave a comment just to let me know what you think about it!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	25. Dinner?

 

NEW YORK 2017

 

“Why didn't you tell him that I wasn't home?” Rooney asked slightly panicking.

“Oh, so there _is_ something going on between you and the hot Australian!”

“No, she is just a friend!” Rooney replied a little too quickly. “And for fuck’s sake, Kate… I don't think that's the best moment for an FBI investigation”

“Okay… anyway, I panicked. I got out of the elevator, and he was there, in the hall, wearing a lost puppy look. He recognized me and asked me about you, and I just panicked, I told him I had just left your apartment after a short visit… I’m sorry, sis…”

“Okay, never mind. Where is he now?”

“He is signing autographs and taking pics with the doorman, who apparently is a huge fan. But it won't last long, so I suggest you move swiftly, darling. Oh, gotta go… he is calling me for a selfie all together… shit, I hate him already... no offence, Roons”

She hung up.

“ _Fuck_ ” Rooney whispered under her breath, climbing down Cate’s lap and letting herself fall heavily on the sofa.

She turned her head to look at the woman she adored and hated at the same time.

“Well, your boyfriends always have a very fucking bad timing” she said in the end with her lovely half-smile.

Rooney burst into laughter. But it was an hysterical laugh that slowly turned into sobs.

Cate slipped an arm around her shoulders and hugged her tightly.

“I just love you so much, Cate.” She said between tears “And I know I shouldn't because this is all fucked up, but I love you. We shouldn't have to hide and hide and hide. It's just not fair. I love you, but I wish with every fiber of my body that I didn't.”

“Oh baby… I love you too”

Rooney breathed deeply, savouring for a moment more the bliss of her embrace. Then she broke from her and dried her tears with her hands.

“Okay, we’ll think about this later. Now we have to get you out of here” she said briskly.

“Yeah, but how?” Cate replied getting her shirt on.

“Well, I should definitely go down first. It's less suspicious. Then you can borrow a pair of sunglasses and a scarf and while I distract him, you get out of the building”

“Sunglasses and a scarf” Cate repeated skeptically.

“Aren't you the best actress of our times? That’s a nice opportunity to prove it” Rooney replied with a small smile.

“Are you challenging me?”

“Of course I’m _fucking_ challenging you!” she said openly smiling now.

“Bring the sunglasses then! There’s no way he’ll recognize me. Let the show begin!”

  
APPROXIMATELY 15 MIN LATER…

  
“Oh. My. God…. Cate? Is that you?” Joaquin said incredulously.

“Joaquin!” Cate said with forced enthusiasm. She was walking down the hall trying to keep a low profile to get the hell out of that building as soon and as unnoticed as possible. But she had clearly been caught.

“…and Rooney!” she continued acting surprised to see her there.

“What…? Cate?” Rooney said trying her best to act speechless too.

They hugged awkwardly.

“Wait, do you two know each other?” Rooney asked really surprised this time.

In the meantime her sister was watching the whole scene with her mouth half-opened, as if she wasn't really believing that was really happening.

“Oh yes, uhm, I went to Australia to visit Russel like – how long ago was that, Cate? – seven, eight years ago?”

“Yeah, more like ten I think” Cate replied with a convincing smile.

“And it happens that Cate is one Russel’s best friend, and so we had dinner and hung out all together! How’s Andrew by the way?” he asked a little bit too excited.

“Well, he is.. he is very fine, thank you”

“But what are you doing here, Cate? It's been ages since we last saw each other!” Rooney interjected, trying to throw off suspicion, while the scene in which a half-naked Cate was under her was playing inside her mind.

_Oh stop it, Rooney! You have to focus, for God’s sake!_

“Oh, that’s a very good question” Cate replied “I’m actually here to… to visit my niece..”

“Oh, your niece lives here?” Joaquin said interested.

“Yeah, she… she has just moved in”

“Yes, Rooney! She must be the new girl of the seventh floor that we met yesterday” Kate said joining the conversation.

“Oh, yeah!” Rooney replied not really convincing.

“Wait, you live here too?” Cate asked pretending to be fairly shocked by the news.

“Yes, yes she does! Isn't that a coincidence?” Joaquin said laughing.

In that same moment a twenty-something girl got out of the elevator. She stopped frozen as soon as she saw them.

Nobody did nothing for a few seconds, then Cate did something Rooney had not expected.

“Oh there she is! Are you already going out, darling?” she said going to the girl, putting an arm around her shoulders.

The young woman looked speechless and pretty shocked.

“What…? Am I in a movie or something?” she finally said with a strong yankee accent.

Cate’s laughter was a bit forced.

“Yeah, I know, honey… who would have thought that you would see Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix in your own building!”

The girl looked at Cate with her mouth half-opened and then at the others.

Joaquin broke the silence going towards her with his hand stretched.

“It's so nice to meet you! How’s having Cate Blanchett as an aunt?” He said trying to be funny.

The girl froze at those words.

Then Kate mouthed to her behind Joaquin’s back:

“ _Just play along!”_

“Yeah… it’s…it's nice..” the girl forced herself to say, blushing.

Cate laughed again pretending to be comfortable.

“She is starstruck, you know? She literally adores you…”

“Is that so?”

“Uhm yeah… I really loved you in… in...” the girl was struggling to find a movie in which she had actually seen him.

“ _The gladiator_ ” Kate mouthed again.

“…The Gladiator! Of course! Loved it! Great film! Great interpretation! Yeah…”

Rooney shot her sister a look full of gratitude and she winked back.

“Can I take a picture with you, sir?” She asked shyly eventually.

“Of course! And no sir, please! Am I really that old?” Joaquin said with a roaring laughter.

While they were taking pictures, Rooney got near Cate and whispered:

“Does all this seem surreal only to me? I can't really believe it actually worked”

“Darling, your talking to the best actress of our times… of course it worked! It's my fucking job” she whispered back with her half smile.

Rooney laughed looking up at her glorious face, with an adoring look.

When she looked down she saw Kate staring at her with an amused, I-know-I-was-right smile.

Rooney rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Well, it was really nice meeting you Mr Phoenix..”

“Oh, what's all this formality? Call me Joaquin…” he said going back to Rooney and placing his arm around her shoulder.

“And why don't we all go to dinner together this evening?” he asked then enthusiastically.

They all froze.

“Uhm… I actually have to see my boyfriend this evening” the girl said finally showing some enterprise.

“What about you Cate?”

“Uhm…” she started, clearly trying to find an excuse of some kind.

“You have no excuses, so we are all going out tonight! You too Kate!”

“Well I wouldn't miss it for anything in the world” she replied with an amused smile on her lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaaa! I finally finished all the exams of this semester, so now I'm happy and free at least till September! 
> 
> Sooo I decided that after all the angst a lighter chapter was most definitely due...
> 
> Let me know what you think, because I doubt that all this happiness will last (mine and theirs of course, hahahahah)
> 
> Comments, I neeeeed your comments!! ;) ;) ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	26. Disappointment

NEW YORK 2017

 

_Oh God, this is going to end up really, really, really bad._

Because, on what planet could it go well? A dinner. A _fucking_ dinner with her boyfriend and with her (ex?) lover – who also happens to be Cate Blanchett ( _Yeah, Cate fucking Blanchett_!!) - and with her sister. Sounded like a bad joke. _The boyfriend, the sister and an actress walk into a restaurant…_

Only it wasn't a joke.

 _Shit_.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

_Okay, let’s stay calm. No panic. It's useless. It's only a dinner. What could possibly go wrong? We will talk and have fun and it will soon be over._

Rooney got into her cab trying to breathe normally and to stop her hands from shaking.

“Roons? Are you even listening to me, babe?” Joaquin asked with a look that was half amused and half worried.

Rooney shook from her daydream.

“Yeah, of course! You were saying…?” She replied a bit too quickly.

“You seem distracted… I was saying that I’m a bit disappointed Cate’s husband is not here in New York. I would have liked to see him again, he is really funny. But I suppose I should have expected this. With everything that happened with that young Australian starlet. Cate didn't take it well, I heard.”

“But on the papers they said they are only friends, that Cate was ok with it!” Rooney replied suddenly very interested.

“Yeah, turns out that Cate wasn't really fine with it. Apparently she sent a fiery e-mail to the girl and then she hushed up the scandal. I don't think that young woman will ever work again in the theatre business... Russel told me Cate was furious with Andrew, she even got rid of the ring for two or three days after the affair had surfaced. But then they probably sorted things out, for the kids’ sake, you know…”

“Wow, you and _Russel_ are worse than tabloids… have you ever thought of working as a paparazzi?” she said laughing.

Suddenly her mood had changed. She knew she shouldn't be so happy of Cate’s marital problems, but yet…

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“So…” Kate started with a little sly smile.

Cate hadn't arrived yet and Joaquin had just gone away with the waiter to choose an appropriate white wine for the evening. So the two sisters were alone at the table.

Rooney rolled her eyes.

“I don't know what you're talking about..” Rooney replied looking at the menu.

“But I haven't even asked you anything yet!” Kate said with an innocent face.

“Yeah, but I know what you are going to imply…” she said without raising her eyes from her menu.

“Mmh okay… so you’re telling me that you and Cate Blanchett are just friends”

“Yes, exactly” Rooney replied with fake indifference.

“Then why didn't you tell your boyfriend you were going to meet her here in New York?”

Rooney closed her menu exasperated.

“God, I don't even know why I’m doing this… _because_ I heard Cate was in town only when I was already here”

They both saw that Joaquin was coming back and Cate was with him.

“Okay, I can accept the fact that you don't wanna tell me. But don't you think, for a moment, that I’m really _that_ stupid or so easily fooled. I’ve watched _Carol_ , you know. No one is such a good actor. Not you, not even Queen Cate Blanchett.” Kate whispered quickly. “And if I have come to notice it, I don't think he is very far from noticing it as well”

Rooney swallowed hard, before wearing her best smile to welcome the woman she was so dangerously in love with.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
“..I haven't watched _Carol_ yet. Yeah, I know, shame on me!” Joaquin said laughing.

“No, no… that's almost unforgivable, right Rooney?” Cate said pretending to be really offended.

“Yeah, I mean, I don't know even if I’ll be able to look at you with same eyes from now on” Rooney said laughing too.

“How come you haven't watched it?” Kate asked.

“I don't know…” Joaquin said trying to justify himself.

“You know what? He must be one of those guys who doesn't like films with women as main characters…” Cate joked.

“…and then what? Are you going to shout “… _the world is round, people!_ ” even here at the restaurant?” he teased her.

“Well, I think she most definitely should!” Kate said laughing.

“…anyway, if I really were one of those guys, I would have watched it just to see you two making out”

Rooney, who was as always drinking water when she shouldn't have had, started coughing.

Cate watched her with her famous, amused half smile.

“Are you okay, hun?” Joaquin asked worried.

“Yeah… fine.. the water… fine, fine..” she managed to say while tears were falling from her eyes.

“Anyway I’m curious” he continued. “You two didn't know each other before the movie, right? Wasn't it awkward to… well, kiss each other or pretend to be so in love with each other? I mean, if I had to make a film in which I have to be in love with another man… I think it would be too awkward for me, I don't know if I’d be really able to convey that _love_ on screen”

“Uhm, so you fall in love with _every_ actress you have to work with in order to be credible?” Cate asked.

 _Uh oh_. Rooney thought seeing the look on Cate’s face. She was getting really annoyed.

_This is not going to end well._

“No, I’m not saying that… I mean, there can't be love all the time, of course, but there’s always attraction. I think that helps… and I don't know, if I’m not really attracted to someone I don't think I’m really credible on screen either”

“So you don't think love can be faked like any other emotion?” Cate said cold.

“No, I don't”

_Oh no. He didn't really say that._

“So how do you think we managed?”

“Well, as I’ve said before I haven't watched _Carol_. So I don't really know if you _actually_ managed. Don't get me wrong, you are both two great, _great_ actresses but… I don't know… it's like _Brokeback Mountain,_ two amazing actors but for me they didn't really made me feel that the two characters are in love”

“Are you kidding me? You seriously didn't like _Brokeback Mountain_?” Kate interjected shocked.

“It's not a bad film, I would never say that… but I was disappointed”

“That’s even worse” Rooney heard Kate mutter.

“That’s probably why I haven't watched _Carol_ yet. I’m afraid I will be disappointed”

_He DIDN’T really say that!_

Rooney shot a worried side-look to Cate, who was sitting next to her. Her face was still and hard like stone. Then she smiled and suddenly turned towards her.

Rooney looked into her wonderful grey eyes, and felt like she could drown in them.

Cate took her face in her hands, and before Rooney was even able to think about what was happening, she felt her well-shaped lips on her mouth. She kissed her back, completely forgetting about where they were.

Then Cate broke apart from her and turned towards Joaquin and Kate who were staring at them with their mouth half-opened.

“Were we convincing _enough_ for you, Mr Phoenix?” Cate said.

Her low, husky voice, could not completely hide the ice-cold tone she used

Rooney was staring at Cate, too.

Too shocked to actually say anything.

Too shocked to actually think about anything that wasn't the sweet taste of Cate's mouth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes she just did it! I knoooow, I'm shocked too!!! What is going to happen next??? Stay tuned guys and let me know what you think!
> 
> Your comments really brighten my day!!! Your support is EVERYTHING to me, my dear readers!
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	27. Drunk

RESTAURANT 10.45 p.m.

  
_She didn't really do that._

_This must be a dream. Wake up, Rooney, wake up._

But she wasn't waking up.

_Wake up, please, wake up._

They were all staring at Cate. It was like time had frozen. Luckily the waiter had put them at a very isolated table, to avoid any nuisance caused by any fan who might have walked into the restaurant, so nobody had seen what happened.

Cate seemed to be the only one at ease looking Joaquin in the eyes with a defiant, cold smile.

Then the shocked silence was finally interrupted by Joaquin's roaring laughter.

Cate started laughing too, and so did Rooney and her sister.

They were all laughing so much that tears started to fall from their eyes. When he was finally able to breathe again, Joaquin said:

“Oh God, Cate… you definitely won… and I swear I will watch _Carol_ now! Probably on this same evening!”

“Very well! I’m sorry for the kiss, Rooney… but that was the only way to convince your pretty prejudiced boyfriend here… and you know how much I hate to lose…” she said with a warm smile now.

_Well played, Cate, really well played._

“No, don't worry… I won't say it wasn't a big sacrifice to kiss you after all this time.. but, yeah we simply couldn't let him win” she replied with a forced smile, trying to joke.

“Oh guys, I’m so happy about this evening! It's been ages since I've had so much fun” Joaquin said clapping his hands.

“Yeah, and I guess having two girls kissing in front of you has nothing to do with it, right?” Kate said teasing him.

“No, exactly… indeed I was about to say that the real reason why this dinner is such a success is your presence, dear Kate” he said laughing.

“Oh you're so sweet…” Rooney’s sister replied with a smile.

“Oh no, I'm sorry… I meant _Cate_ … _Cate Blanchett_ ” he said pretending to be embarrassed by the misunderstanding.

They all started laughing again and the dinner went by with no further accidents.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
“Mmh, she looks pretty drunk… maybe you should take her home, I’m not sure she can get a cab on her own” Joaquin whispered to Rooney, shooting a worried look to a tripping Cate.

“I can hear you, you know… and I don't need anybody.. perfectly fine…” she mumbled stumbling again and if it hadn't been for Kate who had caught her in time, her perfect face would have ended up on the hard, grey pavement.

Rooney sighed.

“Okay, Cate, let’s go… let's get a cab” she said slipping an arm around her waist and raising the other to call a taxi.

After a few minutes two yellow cabs were right in front of them.

“I’ll see you at home in a while” Rooney said turning to Joaquin, before getting in the taxi with Cate. “Bye, sis!”

Kate gave her a sly smile and winked before climbing on hers.

Rooney sighed finally relaxing against the leather seat. She turned to look at Cate whose eyes were closed and whose head was loosely placed against the window.

Rooney smiled watching her like that. She looked so innocent and angelic.

Without too much thinking, she took her hand. Their fingers entwined, and Rooney saw a small smile curving up her lovely mouth.

After 20 minutes or so they were in front of Cate’s apartment door.

“Do you want me to open it?”

Cate nodded handing her the keys.

Then they both walked into the apartment. Rooney had already been there a few times, but as always she marveled at how modern and cozy it looked. She smiled involuntarily.

“Would you like something to drink?” Cate asked staring at her with her half smile.

_Wait. Something is wrong._

Yes, something was definitely wrong, but Rooney couldn't really put her fingers on what was bothering her.

Then she suddenly understood.

“You’re not drunk” she whispered.

“Pardon me?” Cate asked openly smiling now.

“”You are not fucking drunk” Rooney repeated raising her voice.

Of course! Cate hadn't tripped once since they had gotten out of the taxi; she was perfectly able to talk without slurring and the look in her eyes was not foggy anymore but perfectly lucid.

She smiled even more and again Rooney thought that there was something horribly cruel in all that beauty. But it was so alluring nonetheless.

“I drank only two glass of wine, of course I’m not drunk…”

“But why all the pretense?” Rooney asked angry.

“I hoped you would feel sorry for me and carry me home. I needed some time alone with you to sort things out” she said with a serious look on her face now.

“Couldn't you just ask? No, of course you couldn't. You had to show off as always...such a wonderful actress…” Rooney said not able to hide her annoyance.

“I thought it would be less suspicious this way”

“You fucking kiss me in the middle of a restaurant in front of my boyfriend and my sister, and now you talk about throwing off suspicions? You gotta be kidding me…” she almost shouted.

“Yeah, I have to admit I might have lost control for a brief moment there. But I was so annoyed! He, being so prejudiced and all about the one film I care the most for! It's against all this that I fought all my career… so I know, I lost it, I’m sorry…”

Rooney felt her anger gradually receding, seeing that she was really sorry.

“Yeah, never mind… he behaved like a complete idiot”

They stared at each other for a moment.

“So…?”

Cate opened her mouth, ready to speak.

 

ROONEY’S APARTMENT 4.03 a.m.

  
Rooney slowly turned the keys and opened the door, trying to be as silent as possible. She turned to go towards her bedroom, when the small light near her armchair suddenly went on.

“Jesus Christ!” Rooney gasped dropping her purse “you scared the fuck out of me!”

Joaquin was silent, sitting in his armchair and sipping a drink.

He was horribly pale and looked like he was going to be sick.

“What happened?” Rooney asked worried getting near.

At first he didn't say anything.

Then he started laughing bitterly.

His eyes were red and filling with tears.

“Baby, what's wrong?” she asked, panicking now going to him.

He smiled bitterly putting down his glass.

“I have finally watched _Carol_ ” he simply said.

Rooney stopped frozen in the middle of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh I was actually missing a bit of drama, weren't you? ;)
> 
> But most important: what happened between Cate and Rooney at her house? Will we ever know? (Hahaha, I'm just kidding, OF COURSE we'll know ;) )
> 
> Come on my dear loyal readers, leave comments please! Now that I'm free from studying I can even answer them! (: (: (:
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	28. A good laugh

CATE’S HOUSE 1.08 a.m.

  
“So…?”

Cate opened her mouth to start to speak.

“No. Wait” Rooney said suddenly changing her mind.

“Wait?” Cate repeated raising her eyebrows.

“I think we did enough talking last time and it didn't work. Let's not talk this time”

After having said that Rooney quickly walked to her, took her face in her hands and kissed her fiercely.

Cate was took by surprise and had to take two steps backwards ending up against the counter in order not to lose balance.

She savoured the feeling of her soft lips between hers and felt like she was finally back home after a long journey.

“Oh God…” Cate murmured while Rooney kissed her milky white neck.

She felt her long, elegant hands on her back slowly unzipping her dress. In a moment she was out of it, and kissing Cate again she started to unbutton her shirt. She removed her jacket, but in doing so she heard a horrible strap noise. Rooney immediately stopped kissing her and saw that the sleeve of Cate’s beautiful black jacket was half-torn from the rest of the garment.

“Shit... was that Armani?”

Cate examined the damaged sleeve.

“Yeah… and you’d expect it to be a little more resistant seen the price” she said throwing it on the floor with classy indifference.

“I’m sorry” Rooney said circling her waist with her arms.

“Oh well… I'm sure Giorgio will send me another one, I’m his _fucking_ best client!” she replied with her half smile. “But maybe it’s better if I take the shirt off myself… this is a limited edition and he will kill me if I harm it in anyway”

She took it off and carefully placed it on a chair, while Rooney was laughing softly.

“Yeah, I know… it’s not really sexy when you have to take off expensive clothes” Cate said coming back to her. “But now, I’m all yours baby… you can tear me apart if you like…”

She placed her hands on Rooney’s hips, caressing her tights and her buttocks.

Rooney smiled slyly, kissing her again. Her tongue inside her mouth, was better than any drug.

Rooney slowly removed Cate’s bra. She stopped kissing her for a moment, to admire her bare chest, lightly caressing her ribs with her fingers.

When Rooney raised her eyes again, she saw that Cate was looking at her, with such undeniable love that it melted her heart.

“No one has ever looked at me like that” Cate whispered.

“I always look at you like this...” Rooney murmured gently stroking her cheek.

_Because you're precious and beautiful and fragile like a wonderful flower._

“I know…” Cate replied taking her hand and leading her towards her bedroom. “And you are the only one who does that. That’s why I love you so much, my darling”

“Oh,I thought it was because I’m _hot as fuck_ ” Rooney replied in a whisper.

“Uff… I was trying to be romantic… but yeah, guilty as charged that’s the main reason… I mean, look at you!” she said with her half smile, gently pushing her on the bed, with a hungry look in her eyes.

 

ROONEY’S APARTMENT 4.10 a.m.

  
“Well, you must have really hated it, if it left you like this” Rooney said poorly trying to joke.

Joaquin said nothing for a while. He just looked at her, with dark shades under his eyes.

“You perfectly know why I am like this”

“Oh, God… again with your absurd theory that love can't be faked…” Rooney replied rolling her eyes, trying to look as exasperated as possible.

“No one - _NO ONE!_ – can fake love in such a convincing way! Not you, not Cate Blanchett!”

“So what? Are you suggesting that Cate and I…” she half-laughed “God, you are fucking paranoid. It’s a film Joaquin, only a damn film!”

“She bloody kissed you in front of my eyes!” he exclaimed.

 

“She was _joking_ , for fuck’s sake! She was teasing you for being such an ass! As you are being right now, by the way”

Joaquin seemed unsure for a moment.

“So you are saying that nothing has ever happened between you two”

Rooney laughed again in a convincing way.

“Of corse not! That's true, I really admire her, but that's all. I’m not _gay_ , Joaquin…”

He still looked uncertain for a moment, then he sighed.

“God, I’m a fucking idiot” he said putting his hands on his face.

“Yes, you are..” she said, bit there was a smile on her lips.

“But it seemed so real!” he continued lowering his hand and looking at her. “How were you able to do that?”

“Joaquin, we are _actresses_ … it is our _job_ to fake” she said slowly, as if she was talking to a not really bright kid.

He sighed again.

“I’m sorry…” he stood up and went to her “… I shouldn't even have suspected it.. come on, you are so _not gay_!”

He put his arms around her slim body.

“No, it’s been a good laugh actually… Cate and I… yeah, like it could ever have happened” she replied rolling her eyes.

Flashes of Cate’s naked body all over her, crossed her mind.

She smiled involuntarily and kissed him softly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... I wonder what happened after Cate and Rooney spent the night together.. did they talk? (SPOILER of course they talked, come on!)
> 
> Everything is soooo ambiguous...
> 
> Please leave me your comments, I'd love to know what you think about it!!! (: ;)
> 
> Xx
> 
> QS


	29. Would you?

CATE’S APARTMENT 2.45 a.m

  
Rooney was lying peacefully in Cate’s arms with her head placed between her shoulder and her neck, and she couldn't recall being so happy with another person ever. Not even with Joaquin.

 _Joaquin_.

Rooney was cheating on him.

She loved him and she was cheating on him.

 _Why_?

The answer was simple: she loved Cate  _more_. Much more.

She had never thought about spending an entire lifetime with someone. She had never understood how someone could think that love could last forever. You get tired of everyone in the end.

Now she understood. She would never get tired of Cate. _Never_.

And a lifetime with her seemed the only thing she could possibly want at the moment.

Always her smile. Always her scent. Always her skin. Always her voice. Always her tongue. Always her mouth. Always her irony. Always her cleverness. Always her _love_.

She felt a growing ache in her chest at the thought that she couldn't spend a lifetime with Cate.

_But why?_

Because they had so much to lose.

_But I don't care about my career. I don’t care about what my family will think. I don't care about what people will think!_

_All I care about is Cate._

_A_ tear fell from her cheek and landed on Cate’s shoulder.

She felt her arms tighten around her naked waist.

“Please don't cry, my darling… don't cry…” Cate whispered soothingly in her ear.

“I’m sorry” she whispered back, licking away the tear that had fell on Cate's skin with her tongue. “It's just that I’ve missed you so much...”

“I’ve missed you, too” she replied kissing the top of her head.

They stayed silent for a while.

“I was finally starting to believe that I was really getting over you… then you show up and all is lost again” Rooney murmured kissing softly her skin.

“I’m sorry, darling”

“The truth is I’ll never be able to be really over you. Not now, not in a month, not in a hundred years. I love you, Cate, and I think that however this will end, I will always love you”

Cate raised and sat with her back against the pillow. She took her face in her hands and kissed her softly in the dark.

“I love you more than you can imagine too, honey” she said against her lips.

Rooney raised and sat as well.

“But we can't be together, so what's the point? Sometimes I wish we weren't that famous… that we could live as we want, together, like normal people”

“Do you really believe that if we were common people it would be any easier? Let's say if we lived in a little town and I was, I don't know, a doctor and you, say, a teacher…”

“Why can't I be the doctor and you the teacher?” Rooney said trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“I’m trying to be realistic here, honey…” Cate said laughing. “We both know I’m the smartest of the couple”

Rooney hit her with the pillow, outraged.

Cate laughed again, then she went on:

“Anyway do you think that if I was a doctor and you a teacher… or another doctor…”

“Uhm, that's better”

“… would it make any difference? It would never be normal for other people as it would be if you were a man”

“I don't know… but still we wouldn't have so much to lose”

Cate didn't reply but just put her lips on her shoulder, kissing her skin.

“I actually have something to ask you” she said in the end.

“Ask me anything” Rooney whispered.

But Cate didn't say anything, she just kept caressing her back and her ribs, as if she had changed her mind.

“Well?”

“Okay, this might seem crazy”

“Ookay… I’m used to crazy, go on” Rooney said smiling.

“Tomorrow I have to come back to Sydney…”

“Oh, I thought you were attending the Tony’s”

“No, I’m not going to win anyway so… and I’m not in the mood for a red carpet. Anyway I’m going back to Australia for a few days, but then I think I’ll spend a week or so in the South of England alone… a sort of holiday… and I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering if you would like to come with me. A week just the two of us, like normal people… would you?”

Rooney didn't answer immediately, too surprised to say anything. Then she smiled.

“Yes… yes, I would”

 

ROONEY’S APARTMENT A DAY AFTER

 

“So…”

“So what, Kate?”

Her sister smiled slyly.

“Cate has left, right?”

“Yes, she went back to Australia” Rooney replied sipping her Americano.

“And you are leaving with Joaquin to go to LA tomorrow and then in two days he goes to Australia too…”

“Exactly”

“Mh”

Rooney sighed.

“Have you finished with your interrogation so I can go and have a shower?”

“You don't really wanna tell me what’s going on with you and Ms Blanchett?”

“Oh God!” Rooney said exasperated standing up “I don't really know what's wrong with you and Joaquin these days… nothing happened!”

“Aha! So he did notice too!”

“You’re worse than paparazzis…” she said rolling her eyes.

“I checked on the internet and there are a lot of fanfics about you two as well… so lots of people noticed that something is going on!”

“I don't even know what a fanfic is! And if you don't stop talking nonsense, I swear I’ll throw you out”

“There's nothing wrong if you…”

“Okay, out!” Rooney said pointing the door with her finger.

“No, okay. I won't say a word more about it” Kate replied raising her hands.

Rooney just looked at her exasperated.

“Well, do whatever you want. I’m going to take a shower” she said going towards the bathroom, but then she stopped in the middle of the room.

“Oh, one more thing. I’m going to London next week…”

“What?! You mean London, UK?”

“How many Londons do you know, sis?” Rooney replied rolling her eyes.

“Why are you going to London?”

“I have things to do there…” she said casually.

“Will Cate be there?” Kate asked with a knowing smile.

“GET OUT!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, but I was really busy this weekend... 
> 
> Hope you liked it! (: (: (: 
> 
> Anyway whether you liked it or not please leave a comment! Let me know what you think!!!! ;)
> 
> Xx 
> 
> QS


	30. Troubles

 

LONDON

 

“So, how was your flight?”

“Pretty exhausting” Rooney said letting herself falling on the bed with her phone pressed against her ear.

“So, we are meeting tomorrow in Crowbo…something, right?” she added.

“It's Crowborough… Honey, if you don't even know the name of the place how do you expect to get here safe and sound?” Cate said laughing.

“Do I really have to take the train to get there?” Rooney asked putting her arm on her face.

“Yes you do. No one is expecting the great Rooney Mara to take a train to get in the middle of nowhere in the English countryside! And besides, weren't you the one who wanted to be like “normal people”?”

“Yeah, right… not _that_ normal!”

“You’re talking like a spoilt heiress…”

“I’m not!” Rooney replied quickly, she had always tried to avoid that kind of stereotype. “The train is perfect! Even though I’m pretty sure I’m not really famous here in England…”

“Oh, but the British loved Carol! So someone might actually recognize you!”

“You should have said: no, Rooney, you’re such a brilliant and famous actress, that everyone will recognize you!” she said pretending to be offended.

She heard Cate’s soft laughter.

“I can't really wait to see you, honey”

“Are you going to pick me up at the station?”

“Of course I am! And then we’ll leave straight away by car”

“I still can't understand why we can't spend the night in your wonderful mansion there” Rooney said sighing.

“Because surely a photographer will be there just to make sure I’m not in England, and we can't risk that… great move anyway the one of the fake vows ceremony with Joaquin before he left for Australia”

“It was his idea actually…”

“Well, that was brilliant anyway…” Cate simply said, but Rooney could tell from her voice that she was smiling.

“Do you think I should use an English accent just to throw off suspicion?”

“Well…” Cate started unsure.

“What?” Rooney asked quickly.

“I’ve watched Una…”

“And…”

“Well, I think you should stick to your lovely American accent” Cate replied laughing.

“What?” Rooney said pretending to be offended “ My British accent was perfect in that movie!”

“I know, I know… I was just teasing you, you were brilliant!” she said still laughing “Loved the shower scene by the way…”

Rooney smiled and raised herself up on her elbows.

“Mmh really?” she said slyly.

“Yeah, and you still have that _girl with the dragon tattoo_ piercing on your nipple! Why have I never seen it?”

“Oh, I thought you may not like it so I usually took it off when we were to meet..” Rooney replied blushing, glad that Cate wasn't there to see her.

“You. Thought. I. Wouldn't. Have. Liked. It. Really??” Cate said surprised.

“Well, Charlie didn't!”

  
“Well, because he is a fucking idiot! I think it's one of the sexiest things ever…”

“Really?” Rooney asked with a pleased smile on her face.

“Yes, so make sure you have it on during our little trip.. I can't wait to lick it…” Cate said in her soft low voice.

Rooney felt a shiver going down her spine.

“Well I can't wait for you to lick it as well…” she murmured, she was going to say something more but her phone buzzed in her hand. “Wait, I have another call” she said sighing.

“Is it Taylor _fucking_ Swift again? Because I swear she might be in love with you”

“No, worse… it’s my sister”

Cate softly laughed.

“Okay babe, pick up, I’ll call you later and we’ll finish that piercing conversation..”

Rooney laughed and said a quick goodbye, before picking up the call.

“Kate, this better be important”

“It’s really nice hearing your voice too, sis” she replied with her usual mocking tone. “Am I interrupting something?”

“You might not believe it but I am in my hotel room alone”

“Mmmh.. no hot Australian actress around, then?”

“Are you calling to check on me or do you have anything important to tell me?” Rooney said exasperated.

“Well, it's really lucky that you are in the hotel alone, cause I’m out of your room, right now”

“WHAT?” Rooney shouted jumping up and rushing to the door “Kate, what the fuck…”

But there was no one outside.

“If this is a joke, it's not funny and I don't have time right now to…” Rooney said annoyed on the phone, slamming the door closed.

“Well, this might have been a joke, but it won't be when Joaquin will say the same thing to you in a couple of days” her sister replied.

“WHAT?! He is in fucking Australia!”

“Yes but he has some days off and he wants to make you a surprise…”

“How on earth do you know all this? And anyway, he doesn't even know I’m in London at present..” Rooney said trying to calm herself down.

“Well…” Kate started, guilt permeating her voice.

“Kate, don’t tell me that…”

“I’m sorry, sis, I – ”

“You fucking told him!”

“He asked me where you were, because you weren't answering your damn phone! And anyway if you are there alone it’s not a big deal, right?”

Rooney didn't answer.

“Cause you are there alone, right?”

“Of course I’m not fucking alone!”

“Aaaah I knew it!” she replied triumphantly.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll call you Sherlock from now on… what am I gonna do now?” Rooney said massaging her forehead.

“Mmh is Cate with you?”

“No I’m going to meet her tomorrow” Rooney answered without thinking, too worried about Joaquin to wonder how Kate had known about Cate.

She heard Kate’s roaring laughter at the phone and it almost deafened her.

“What?”

“I have some good news for you, darling… Joaquin doesn't know anything and he didn't call me, for what I know he is probably down under getting drunk with Russel Crowe”

There was a dead silence for a few seconds.

"Roons, are you still there?"

“I’m coming back to New York just to _FUCKING_  killing you, you idiot”

“You wouldn't leave your sexy Aussie alone just to come and get me”

“You really have nothing to do, right? Isn't Jamie keeping you busy enough?” Rooney replied still annoyed but relieved.

“And yes, I’m here with Cate, because we are working on a new project and nothing more” she continued.

  
“I don't understand…” Kate started sounding confused “Is ‘project’ the new code for ‘sex’?”

“Oh fuck you, Kate” Rooney replied, but there was a smile on her face.

 

SYDNEY

  
“Cate is not gay, Jo” Andrew Upton said with a small laughter, sipping his beer.

“You gotta listen to me, there’s something going on between them, I’m sure of it” Joaquin replied passing a hand in his black hair.

“They are good friends, that’s all, man!”

“No no, have you seen them in Carol?”

“My God, you are obsessed, my friend!” Andrew said openly laughing now “Cate is a wonderful actress and Rooney as well. It's their fucking job!”

“You don't seem really concerned that your wife might be cheating on you with another woman” he replied slightly annoyed for not being taken seriously.

“Look Jo, I love Cate, we are good friends but… it’s not like it was before. We are not _in love_ anymore. So…”

“Aren't you concerned about your kids at least?”

“What about my kids?” Andrew asked dead serious now.

“Well, it didn't really go well for them when she released that interview about being bisexual”

Andrew didn't say anything for a while, then he murmured:

“Let’s pretend that I’m taking what you are saying about Cate and Rooney seriously for a moment. Cate is not stupid. She would never do that to our kids”

“What if they are really in love and she decides to leave you for another _younger_ woman” Joaquin said feeling like Iago playing with Othello’s mind.

“She would never do anything that might hurt me or the children” Andrew replied calmly, but he wasn't laughing nor joking anymore.

“Mmh, where’s Cate now?”

“She is in England. She needed a week off”

“Mmh, guess where Rooney is?”

“It doesn't mean anything. It’s a mere coincidence and you are fucking paranoid, my friend”

“Remember the kids”

Andrew sighed sipping his beer again.

“Well, I might know someone, a friend who can check what she is doing there. An ex cop who’s now in private investigation”

“That would be great, man!” Joaquin exclaimed smiling for the first time.

“I feel like an idiot checking on my wife like this, but at least I’ll prove you are wrong and maybe I’ll cure you from this ridiculous obsession”

"I hope you will, Andrew, I really do"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't find enough words to tell you how sorry I am for leaving you waiting for such a long time!!! But I had been abroad all summer working and then I had an exam last week so I've been really really busy...
> 
> But now I'm baaaack!!! And I need to read your opinions and comments as bad as always ;)
> 
> Sending lots of love and I hope none of you had given up on meeee!!!! (: (: (:
> 
> Xx 
> 
> QS


	31. Blinded

PARIS FASHION WEEK – GIVENCHY OCTOBER 2017

 

Cate elegantly walked towards her with a big smile on her face. She sat down next to Rooney and greeted her with a quick kiss on her cheek.

Awfully aware of all the flashing cameras in front of them, Rooney couldn't help but blushing. She waited patiently for Cate to say hello to Julianne who was sitting next to her, then she whispered to her ear, nodding lightly towards the cameras:

“Joaquin will not be happy about all this”

“Oh fuck him!” Cate replied a bit too loud, crossing her legs, while Rooney laughed softly.

“And apparently, you are going to go living together, so what does he want more?” she went on whispering this time.

“He is completely delusional, Cate. I don't know what to do with him anymore.. I can't even deny that, because I’m afraid he is going to give those pictures to the papers.. But this is starting to get ridiculous!” Rooney replied in a very low voice.

“I know..” she sighed putting a comforting hand on her back. “Let’s not think about that now and let’s enjoy the evening, shall we?”

Rooney smiled at her, showing her adorable dimples. She lowered her head still smiling and in doing so she noticed something that made her heart beating faster.

"You aren't wearing your ring" she stated forcing herself not to touch Cate's hand.

Cate lowered her gaze too and lazily moved her left hand's fingers.

"No"

Then she leaned towards her ear and whispered:

"I'll explain later"

The crowd behind them started to clap their hands as the fashion show started. Tall, gourgeous, young women in flamboyant dresses started to flow in front of her, but all Rooney could think about was Cate's arm lightly pressed against hers.

 

CROWBOROUGH 2 MONTHS BEFORE

 

Rooney got off the train and entered the smallest station she had ever seen in her life. It wasn't even a station actually. It was just a sort of brick house with a sign on it with the name of the city on and a ticket machine. Rooney sighed feeling sweat coming down her back under her “pulp fiction” t-shirt.  
She walked into it with her trolley, looking around, hoping to find Cate as soon as possible. Not that there were many people around. It was just her, a drunk old man and a middle-aged blonde woman who looked like Polish or Ukrainian.

She got out on the main street and she saw a ginger woman with Ray Bans on who was loosely leaning against the side of a white Range Rover. Rooney wouldn't even have given her a second glance if the woman hadn't smiled at her. In that moment everything made sense. She would have recognised that smile among millions.

“Hello stranger” Cate welcomed her with a perfect British accent.

Rooney just smiled, but she was almost feeling her heart exploding in her chest for how much she loved her.

There was only Cate; there was only that blinding sun that casted a blackening shadow on everything else.

 _Everything_.

Even on the middle aged man smoking outside his car, not very far from them. He was watching them intensively. And probably Rooney would have noticed him under different circumstances. 

But not that day.

Because that day Cate was in front her. And her light was making her blind.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

“Hello, darlings! Come on in!” said the lovely old lady meeting them on the doorsteps of her B&B.

Rooney and Cate had found it by chance near the town of Broadstairs and they agreed it was too adorable not to stop by. Also, it was getting late and Cate was getting tired of driving.

“Do you need me to call my husband to carry you suitcases?”

“No, thank you I think we’ll manage” Cate replied smiling.

She was still wearing her ginger wig, while Rooney was wearing a long, straight black one that was making her look like a dark 17 years-old.

“So where are you from? Oh don't stay on the doorsteps, come in the living room!” she said cheerfully, making them sit on a very fluffy sofa.

“We are from London” said Rooney.

“We are from Crowborough” said Cate at the same time.

They looked at each other, then at the old lady who was watching them with curious eyes.

Cate made a forced little laughter.

“I mean, my niece here, obviously studies in London and lives there for most of the year, but our origins are in Crowborough”

“Oh, and what do you study?”

“Medicine” said Rooney.

“Fine Arts” said Cate.

They looked at each other again, then Cate managed another forced smile before saying:

“Fine Arts applied to Med Studies. It’s a complex faculty… you know, those days universities have so many strange courses”

“Oh yes, it's not like the good old days” the old lady sighed, shaking her head.

“And your accent is so strange, it doesn't really sound British… I can't put my fingers on it but..” she said to Rooney then.

Cate gave her an “I told you” side glance.

“Oh I knooow… that's probably because I spent the last two years in Australia and I might have mixed the accents.. and you know Australians.. they don't really speak english, do they?” Rooney replied with a vengeful smile on her lips.

The old lady burst into laughter.

“That’s right, it was a criminal colony after all” she replied still laughing.

“Oh for God’s sake it was ages ago!” Cate replied rolling her eyes, then she added quickly with fake nonchalance “Not that I care of… I mean… it’s not like I’m Australian or anything… I mean… yeah… is our room ready yet, by any chance?”

“Oh yes, you must be really tired. Follow me, I’ll show it to you”

The stairs that led to the second floor were so steep and covered with such a slippery carpet, that Rooney thought more than once that she would probably break her neck falling with all the luggage.

After the old lady had shown them their lovely floral room and was finally gone, leaving them to unpack, Rooney let herself fall on the double bed.

“ _Medicine_. Really?” Cate asked rolling her eyes.

“ _I’m not Australian and we are not an bunch of criminals_. Really?” Rooney replied without even raising her head, until something soft hit her.

A pillow.

“Are you really hitting me with a pillow?? What are you, twelve?” she replied throwing it back to her, but she was smiling.

“Lower your voice, or everyone will hear your awful yankee accent and we’ll lost even the little credibility we had”

“ _Awful yankee accent_???” Rooney exclaimed grabbing Cate’s hand and pulling her to the bed. In a second she was on top straddling her.

“You shouldn't have said that” she murmured with a threatening tone.

“Oh and what are you going to do about that?” Cate said mockingly.

“I’ll make you beg for mercy” she replied in a soft whisper against her lips.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!!! I must say I was a bit discouraged by the lack of comments (except for my darling Prince Hel, who always make my day ;) ) but I managed to get over the bitter taste of disappointment and wrote this chapter!!! 
> 
> Hahahaha hope you'll enjoy reading it! Leaaaave comments please! (If not for me, for my gigantic ego, please!) (: (: (:


	32. The black sea

OCTOBER 17th

  
“So…”

“What, Kate?” Rooney sighed sitting on the sofa already tired of her sister.

Kate Mara smiled knowingly and sipped her coffee.

“Nothing” she replied in the end.

Rooney sighed again.

“Come on, I know that smile and I know that “nothing” with you actually means something, so go on”

“Did you watch the Ellen Show on Moday?”

“Yes” Rooney replied, knowing vaguely where the conversation was going.

“Cate Blanchett was on it”

“I know, Kate… but I don’t know what that has to do with me”

“Did you watch the whole show?” She asked leaning forward, still sipping her coffee.

“No, I actually I didn’t. I’ve only watched the Harry Styles part on YouTube. Why?” Rooney replied exasperated.

Kate smiled wickedly.

“Because after that part, Ellen made her play a game…”

“And…”

“And it was about asking questions and reply with the first answer that come to your mind”

“Ookay… I still don’t – ”

“She was asked which was the co-star she liked kissing the most or something like that.. Guess what she replied” Kate said openly smiling now.

“I don’t know… Leo DiCaprio?”

“Oh come on! Don’t be so modest, sis! She said _Rooney Mara_ ”

Rooney’ s heart skipped a bit and she felt herself blushing.

_What the fuck, Cate._

Cate was always so careful. She had never talked about Rooney after Carol. There was only one explanation. Cate did that to annoy Joaquin. But didn’t she know that she was playing with fire? Well, Cate wasn’t an idiot. Of course she knew and she didn’t care. But Rooney did care. Especially about that picture.

“Well, I’m flattered” Rooney replied embarrassed.

“Then she was asked what’s her favourite thing to do in bed”

“And…?” Rooney replied, now really scared of the answer.

“And I was almost disappointed when she didn’t reply _Rooney Mara_ to this question as well, but said _sleeping_ instead” Kate said with a sly smile.

Rooney threw the sofa pillow against her.

“You are obsessed with this thing, Kate. You are even worse than all those people writing stories and posting pics of me and Cate together on the internet” she said standing up.

“Oh oh, so you’ve read some of those fanfictions, too”

“The creepy thing is that _you_ have actually read them”

Kate laughed.

“And what does Joaquin think about all this?”

“He doesn’t think anything, because it’s all happening only in your mind, Kate!”

“Fine. Whatever..” Kate said raising her hands.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while.

“Did you have fun with her in Paris?” She asked in the end, unable to control herself.

“OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

 

BROADSTAIRS, APPROX. TWO MONTHS BEFORE

 

  
“This is all sooo cool” Rooney said, looking around.

They were walking around the streets of the little town, which was full of people because it was Folk Week. And so, from every pub you could hear live folk music and the shouts of drunk British people talking about cricket or football.

They reached the costal walk, which gave a perfect view of the black sea in the dim light of the evening.

Cate leaned with her elbows against the banister and sighed watching the sea in front of her. Rooney did the same, only she wasn’t looking at the breathtaking view. She was looking at the woman she loved so much and who had given a real meaning to her life.

“What?” asked Cate with a little smile, but without taking the eyes off the sea.

“You are so beautiful” Rooney murmured.

Cate closed her eyes for a moment.

Rooney saw a single tear roll slowly down her pale cheek. It looked like a small diamond.

“You know I can’t stand to see you crying” she said suddenly worried.

Cate laughed a little opening her eyes.

“I’m just being a fucking idiot”

Then she turned to face Rooney.

“I’ve never been so happy as I am right now, my darling” she simply said.

Rooney swallowed hard and blinked a few times.

“Stop doing this”

“Doing what?” Cate asked surprised.

“Being so sweet and fucking adorable. You know that if I start crying I won’t stop. You are clearly doing this on purpose” she said pretending to be annoyed.

Cate’s laughter filled her ears like a sweet melody.

“Guilty as charged” she said raising her hands.

Then she circled her waist with her arms and she pulled Rooney’s slim body against hers.

Then she slowly caressed her face.

“People might see us” Rooney whispered weakly, unable to take her eyes of Cate’s mouth.

“I don’t fucking care” Cate replied, before kissing her passionately.

After a while they were starting to walk back home, when Rooney noticed a middle aged man with a camera in her hands, who was taking pictures of the view.

_Well, this is weird. Who takes photos at the sea at this hour of the night?_

Well, after all people was weird. Who was she to judge? Although that man actually seemed familiar. But she couldn’t recall where she had seen him the first time.

Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her. Maybe she was just tired.

Yes, she was definitely tired.

She looked at the man one last time and then she followed Cate home, forgetting about the whole matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo guys! (:
> 
> I Loved all your previous comments, so please don’t be shy and keep on writing me!
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter! 
> 
> Love
> 
> QS


	33. Hunted

L.A. LAST WEEK

 

“Cate, what the hell?” Rooney exclaimed as soon as she heard the familiar picking up sound in her phone.

“Hello to you too, my darling” Cate voice sounded perfectly relaxed. Almost amused.

“We were supposed to be careful!”

“Okay, honey, calm down” she replied, serious now. “I really don’t know what you are talking about”

“My sister just told me about what happened on the Ellen Show”

Cate’s beautiful laughter filled her ears.

“Come on, sweetheart! It was a joke! Everyone thought I was kidding! I always do that on interviews!”

“Yeah, I doubt very much that Joaquin has been laughing at your jokes.. and you completely avoided talking about your family. You could at least pretend that things were fine with Andrew!”

“I couldn’t care less of what Joaquin thinks” she said calmly, but Rooney could tell that she was poorly trying to hide her annoyance.

“But I do! He has the pictures and he has that fucking recording! If he decides to give them to the press we are fucked! Everything we did, everything we’ve worked for will fucking crumble and we will be ruined” she exclaimed pacing about her loving room, with her phone pressed with such strength against her ear that it almost hurt.

“Okay, stop it. First of all the recording is none of your concern…”

“None of my – ” Rooney started incredulous.

“Yes, exactly. That was my unforgivable mistake, but luckily it only involves me so…” Cate said interrupting her.

Rooney said nothing for a few seconds, trying to calm down the anger she was feeling rising in her chest.

“You offend me if you think that I don’t worry about you” she whispered in the end.

“Please believe me when I say that I really appreciate your concern” Cate sighed “but I’m a grown up woman and I think I can handle this, my darling”

“I don’t think you fully understand the consequences if that recording surfaces! Your career will be ruined. God, even your public image will be ruined forever! And it’s my fucking fault. I will go down with you thanks to those fucking photos and I’ll be known as the girl who destroyed Cate Blanchett’s – ”

“Rooney, enough!”

Cate raised her voice so rarely, that Rooney immediately shut up.

“Don’t you think you are a bit exaggerating?” she said then, returning to her soft husky voice. “ I am not worried and so shouldn’t you. I really doubt Joaquin will ever give all that to the press, because that will ruin his career and reputation too. He made us followed by a fucking private detective, for fuck’s sake! I very much doubt the public will be on his side, and he knows that. He is a fucking creep, but he is not an idiot”

“You don’t know him as I do… he is not thinking straight right now, he is capable of – ”

“I wanna talk to him” Cate said abruptly, interrupting her.

Rooney was so taken aback that she brusquely stopped walking.

“You want to.. _what_?”

“I want to talk to him” the other replied calmly. “Call him and tell him I want to meet him as soon as possible”

“Do I really have to tell you how bad this idea is? What are you going to say to him?”

“Oh, don’t worry my dear.. I’ll find the right words.”

“But –” Rooney tried to say weakly.

“There’s no ‘but’. I’m going to end this once and for all” she replied resolutely.

  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

DOVER, AUGUST

 

  
“God, those tunnels were awesome!” Rooney said excited following Cate to the shop of the museum.

Cate shook her head laughing.

They were in Dover and they had visited the castle and then the Second World War tunnels.

“And the history behind that was like…mind blowing” Rooney went on eagerly.

“Oh my darling, you are soooo American” Cate said mocking her with a perfect Yankee accent.

“Because of my enthusiasm?”

“Oh no, because your knowledge of history is so… how can I say that?… _limited_ ” she replied with a chuckle.

Rooney snorted, offended.

“Only because I didn’t know every single British victory or strategy during WWII”

“Honey, you asked the guide if the pilots of the RAF were the good ones or the bad ones…I’m surprised you didn’t ask against whom we were fighting for” Cate replied with an amused smile on her lips.

“Well, I’m not an historian, you know…” Rooney replied annoyed “ and by the way, smartass, I doubt you know anything about American History”

“What’s there to know? Colombo discovered it, the British took possession of it, you colonials rebelled, independence, civil war, Ford, first world war, prohibitionism, second world war, cold war, Vietnam, Afghanistan, 9/11, Iraq, Obama, Trump” Cate replied with nonchalantly.

Rooney rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling.

After having had a quick look at the shop, they went out and walked briefly towards the top of the white cliffs. The weather was very bad. A strong wind was blowing and cold, thin rain was starting to pour.

“I swear, every fucking time I’ve been here in Dover, it rained. Every fucking time!” Cate exclaimed, raising the collar of her coat to protect her neck from the wind.

Rooney got nearer and tucked her arm under Cate’s, hoping for that proximity to heat her up a bit.

“Maybe it’s you who brings this bad weather!” she said laughing.

“I’m from Australia! I should bring sun and joy!”

“Well you certainly bring joy to me” Rooney said smiling.

“Oh God” Cate sighed looking at her “those dimples of yours should be illegal”

They got to the top and the view was breathtaking despite the weather.

“This leaden sky creates such a WWII atmosphere” Rooney said in a sigh.

“You were really impressed by those stories, weren’t you?”

“I mean, it was a horrible period. Like, we reached the lowest point of our humanity, but… I can’t feel everything was much more dangerous and romantic..”

Cate roaring laughter made the other four or five people there, turn towards them. She ignored them and hugged Rooney.

“Well, I think that what we’ve been through has been romantic enough, don’t you think? We are missing the dangerous part though”

“Mh, if we stay here for much more, we will get a very risky pneumonia” Rooney replied shivering.

“Yeah, let’s go back to our lovely B&B”

They started walking back, when Rooney stopped abruptly.

_It can’t be him._

A middle aged man not very far from them had caught her eye. And he dangerously looked like the man with the camera in Broadstairs.

“What’s wrong?” Cate asked worried.

Rooney squinted her eyes. She could be wrong. She could be just paranoid.

_You’ve read too much of Carol, girl._

“No, nothing. I thought I saw someone I know” she said reassuringly.

She started to walk again, but she couldn’t shake off the impression that the man was still staring at them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  
“There’s something I need to tell you” Rooney said uncertain.

Cate softly kissed her wet neck from behind. They were having a very relaxing bath together. Submerged in hot water, they were trying to chase away the cold of that rainy day.

“Do I have to worry?” She asked with her husky voice. Rooney shivered despite the hot water.

Cate made her rest her head on her shoulder and turned with her hand slightly her face to kiss her voluptuously her mouth.

Cate’s hands were roaming playfully on her body, and were clouding her mind with sweet pleasure.

“Well?” She whispered in the end “I’m waiting…”

“Remember today when I stopped walking on the cliffs?” Rooney began.

“Yes, you said you thought you saw someone you knew”

“Yeah, it was not really that” Rooney replied.

Then she told her about the man she had seen in Broadstairs and then that she thought she had seen him also that day on the cliffs.

“…but maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe it’s nothing”

Cate said nothing for a while.

Rooney turned her head to look at her face. Her eyes were as cold as ice and they were looking right in front of her. She looked lost in thoughts and again her beauty appeared horribly cruel. That cold gaze, throwing a pitiless light on her perfect face.

“No” she sighted in the end, finally looking in Rooney’s eyes “I don’t think you’re being paranoid. He might be a journalist”

“What are we going to do then?”

Cate closed her eyes but tightened her arms around Rooney’s body.

“Maybe we should go back to London” Rooney said eventually, feeling tears of anger rising to her eyes.

Cate suddenly opened her eyes.

“No” she said flatly “we do nothing. We go on with our plan. You just have to tell me if you see him again, okay?”

She gently caressed her cheek. All the coldness had disappeared from her eyes, and a sweet tenderness had taken its place.

“Okay” Rooney whispered forcing a small smile.

“God, I feel so much like Carol right now!” Cate exclaimed trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Rooney let out a small laughter.

She opened her mouth to say something, but Cate’s lips on her neck made her shut it again. She turned her face to kiss her again. Cate’s tongue felt heavenly against hers.

But what was even more heavenly was Cate’s hand slowly slipping under her belly and finally between her legs.

Rooney couldn’t help but softly moaning against her mouth.

The face of the middle aged man, slowly faded from her mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo... sorry if it took me that much to update!!!! I hope at least it was worth the wait!
> 
> I hope you are all fine and well! Waiting for your wonderful comments, my patient readers!
> 
> Love you all <3
> 
> QS


	34. We are fucked

 

N.Y.C. NOVEMBER 2017

 

“You’ll never talk to me again?” Cate asked following Rooney inside her flat.

Rooney turned to her once Cate had closed the door behind her.

“I had to spend an entire day with Joaquin, just so you can get a date with him!”

“Oh come on! You love vegan food, you love music and you love L.A.! It couldn’t be that terrible attending to that festival!” Cate said, trying very hard to suppress a laughter.

“You know I don’t love L.A.”

“You just bought a house there!”

“Yeah, just because I loved Joaquin! Now I just hate it”

“Well it’s not my fault if you change your mind like the wind changes” Cate replied taking her coat off, smiling.

Rooney sat on the sofa sighing and opened her MacBook. After a few seconds she turned that to Cate.

“Look at me. I look like an idiot” Rooney said showing her a picture of herself and Joaquin on the Daily Mail’s website. “ I couldn’t even smile convincingly. And look at his disgusting arm resting on my shoulder”

Cate sat next to her.

“Have you really just googled yourself?”

“Oh come on! You know I google everything!”

“Well, I’m sure they always get the worst pictures to make us look bad” Cate said trying to cheer her up.

“Then why do you always look gorgeous even when you’re like.. at the airport?”

“Do you google me as well, darling?” Cate said with a sly smile.

Rooney blushed shutting her computer and Cate burst into laughter.

She caressed her cheek and bent to slowly kiss her mouth.

“You know it was the only way” she whispered against her lips.

She kissed her again, her tongue was fresh in her mouth.

“He is a fucking blackmailer” Rooney managed to say, out of breath.

“Yes, but thanks to your sacrifice, he agreed to meet with me” Cate replied kissing her neck.

She helped her out of her jumper and unbuttoned her black jeans.

“And I swear it will be worth it…” Cate whispered, slowly caressing her bare ribs.

Rooney shivered and kissed her again.

Her phone started buzzing on the small glass table in front of the sofa.

Rooney sighed exasperated and stretched her hand to grab it. She looked at the screen and sighed again.

“Who’s that? Your sister?” Cate asked.

“Nope” she replied turning the screen towards her.

Cate started laughing.

“Give it to me”

“Cate… I don’t think that’s a goo –” Rooney tried to say, but Cate’s hand was outstretched and demanded her phone. She gave in and passed it to her.

Cate picked up sliding her long, elegant finger across the screen.

“Hello? Rooney?” Taylor’s voice said on the other end of the line.

“I’m sorry…” Cate said with a perfect American accent “… but the old Rooney can’t come to the phone right now”

“I’m sorry, what? Roo –” Taylor tried to say.

“Why…? Oh, ‘cause she is dead” Cate said before hanging up.

Rooney was laughing so much that her stomach hurt.

“I fucking love you” she managed to say in the end. “I can’t believe you actually said that”

“Well, now I doubt she will ever call again”

“Mmh, I would have just gone on ignoring her”

“That’s because you are too good, honey” she replied.

Then she kissed her again.

“Mmh.. where were we?” she whispered in her ear licking her lobe.

Rooney didn’t answer but just got up and, after grabbing Cate’s hand, she led her to her room.

 

CORNWALL, SUMMER 2017

  
“He is here” Rooney whispered in Cate’s ear.

They were standing in a very crowded pub and the live band was playing a loud version of ‘Mr Brightside’ of The Killers.

Cate put down her drink on the wooden table.

“Where is he?”

Her face was like a mask of stone, imperturbable and impenetrable. Rooney was both fascinated and afraid of her when she had that look on her face.

“The middle-aged man near the bartender, the one with the beard and the green shirt”

Cate squinted her eyes.

“Fuck”

“Fuck what?” Rooney asked concerned.

“I know him” she replied not taking her eyes off him.

“You know him?” She said shocked, starting to feel foolish at repeating everything she was saying.

“I mean, I have seen him somewhere but I don’t remember where. It was a long time ago… why can’t I remember?”

“Is he a journalist?” Rooney asked.

“I… I can’t really say..”Cate said uncertain. “But there’s only one way to know”

“Oh, no… what you wanna do?”

“Nothing” she said innocently, straightening her red hair wig.

“No no no… I know that look on your face, and it’s dangerous”

“Then watch me being dangerous” she replied with a wink, grabbing her drink and walking towards the mysterious man.

Rooney watched her, nervously sipping her beer.

She gasped when she saw her tripping and landing her drink exactly on the man’s green shirt. She watched her apologizing profusely and then walking towards the ladies toilets, after shooting her a very eloquent side glance.

Rooney waited a few minutes, then went to the bathroom as well.

She pushed the ladies’ door and entered the small room dimly lighted.

“Cate?” She whispered.

She jumped when a hand grabbed her arm and pulled her inside one of the even smaller bathrooms.

“What the hell, Cate!” she said.

“Sorry, I wanted to be sure not to be heard”

“Well?” Rooney asked, her heart still beating fast “Do you remember now who is he?”

“No” Cate replied, then she smiled slyly “but I have this”

She showed her a wallet.

“You stole his wallet??” Rooney said incredulously.

“Shh.. I didn’t steal it, I just… borrowed it”

“Yeah, right.. shall I call you Bonnie Parker from now on?”

“Oh, shut up and let’s hope he has some kind of ID in here” she said opening and rummaging in it for a bit.

“Aha!” She said triumphantly, taking out a card.

Her smile subsided immediately looking at it, and her face went pale.

“What is it, Cate? Who is he?” Rooney asked concerned.

“He is.. he is one of Andrew’s best friends”

“What?”

“And he was a cop” she whispered swallowing hard. “We are pretty fucked, my darling”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the late update but... I had my heart broken and was not really in the mood for writing! Will you ever be able to forgive me, my dear readers?
> 
> Please leave comments, they might make me feel a bit better!
> 
> Love always <3
> 
> QS


	35. Coup de theâtre

 

 

CORNWALL, SUMMER 2017

  
“Okay, let’s not panic… Maybe it’s not as bad as it seems” Rooney said pacing up and down their small b&b room.

“Really?” Cate replied looking at her through her glass of whiskey.

She was sitting on a dusty, flowery armchair, and one of her legs was going up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and…

“Would you please stop doing that?” Rooney snapped. “I can’t think if you distract me”

“What’s there to think about? I mean, it’s pretty clear what this man is doing here..”

“Maybe it’s just a coincidence, maybe we are being paranoid without a reason”

“Yes, and I am the queen of England” Cate replied getting up.

“Well, technically you played one… does it count?” She said poorly trying to joke.

“No” she replied with a small smile. “God, I would so like a cigarette right now”

“Would you like me to go to Tesco and buy you a packet?” Rooney offered without even thinking.

“No I don’t want you to go out in the middle of the night to buy me a packet of cigarettes” she said with a tired voice.

They turned to look at each other and suddenly burst into laughter.

“This thing about Carol is getting fucking creepy”

“I know, my darling” Cate replied with a sigh.

She passed a hand in Rooney short hair and then she gently caressed her cheek.

“But you’re not Therese and I’m most definitely not Carol. And we are gonna handle this together, okay?”

Rooney got lost for a moment in her beautiful blue eyes.

She came back to reality only when she felt Cate’s lips gently melting with hers.

“I will never leave you alone, my love, never. Remember what I’m saying. Remember… _never_ ”she whispered softly in her ears.

Then she sat on the bed.

“Why would Andrew do something like this? Have someone following me? That’s so not him. There must be something else, something more…” she said more to herself than to Rooney.

Suddenly something clicked in Rooney’s mind, and small flashbacks hit her like bright stars in a dark night.

_“No one - NO ONE! – can fake love in such a convincing way! Not you, not Cate Blanchett!”_

_“So you’re saying that nothing has never happened between you two”_

_“… I shouldn't even have suspected it.. come on, you are so not gay!”_

_God, I had been a fucking idiot._

_He had never believed a word I said._

_It’s him._

_There’s him behind all this._

“It’s not Andrew” she was finally able to say.

“What?” Cate asked, confused, raising her eyes to look at her.

“It’s Joaquin. It’s fucking Joaquin”

“What are you saying? How can he suspect? And how can he know Andrew’s friend” she said even more confused.

“He is in Australia. I could bet my arm that he went visiting your beloved hubby” Rooney replied trying to fight the tears of anger that were threatening to fall from her eyes.

Cate got up again and hugged her tightly.

“I’m gonna fix this, baby. Don’t cry. Everything is gonna be fine. Trust me” she said with her husky voice, while Rooney’s tears were sliding down her neck.

Her voice was soft and gentle, like honey in Rooney’s ears.

But Cate’s face was as hard as stone.

Her eyes as cold as ice.

 

L.A., NOVEMBER 2017

  
“Ms Blanchett, how nice of you to come visiting me” Joaquin said with a sick smile.

Cate smiled back.

That was a game she could play as well.

“Please, come and sit” he said gesturing an armchair, then he sit in front of her.

“So, why would you want to talk to me?”

“We all know why, Joaquin” she said casually, leaning her back comfortably against the armchair. “You have something I’m interested in”

“Are you talking about my girlfriend?” he said with that smile still on.

Cate laughed.

“I already have that, thank you”

His smile cracked a bit.

“I wouldn’t joke if I were you, Cate. Can I call you Cate?”

“Ms Blanchett will do”

“Very well… _Ms Blanchett_. You are in no condition to offer any deal, I’m afraid”

Cate smiled again and she leaned forward this time.

“You know, we are similar, Joaquin” she said nonchalantly.

“In what way, Ms Blanchett?”

“We both love something more than anything in this world, you love Rooney and I…”

“Let me guess… you do the same”

Cate smiled again. But it was a cold, almost frightening smile.

“…and I… I love my career way more” she continued.

Joaquin mouth fell open and for a second he didn’t say anything, but just stared at her pale, beautiful face.

Then he smiled, showing her teeth like a wolf.

“Then I suspect that you and me are gonna become very good friends, aren’t we?” he said outstretching his hand.

Cate took it without hesitation.

“Yes, I guess we are”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! I know this chapter is short, but it was just to let y’ll know that I’M BAAACK.  
> Yep, I’m not dead.. I’m just reaaaally busy at university since I’m currently in my fifth year of med school and it’s not easy (: But yes, I’m unforgivable for not having updated for all this time, so I apologize, guys. By the way, I also wanted to say that:
> 
> Your constant support and kind words are one of the things that keep me going, so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU (a special thank you goes to Aslania, who recently commented on my work, and reminded me how important this story is to me and how important also you guys are to me <3)
> 
> P.S.: my heart is doing kinda fine now, thanks for the kind words and concern.
> 
> P.P.S: some of you have asked me if I have some kind of social media, I actually have an instagram account with my real name but I don’t think it would be a really smart move to share it here publicly (call me paranoid but that’s how I am ;) )


	36. A deal

 

CANNES, 2018

  
Cameras were flashing all around them. Cate smiled convincingly at the photographers, while smoothing with her hands the lovely pink suit she was wearing.

She was so proud of being President of the Jury, particularly this year, when so many changes were happening especially regarding women. But the thing she was most proud of, was the gorgeous group of women she managed to have next to her.

She turned to look at all of them and she felt such a sense of empowerment and strength coming from them. Like a refreshing wave of change finally running over the Cannes film festival.

Her eyes met Kristen’s, and she smiled warmly at her.

She was awfully aware that the young woman couldn’t take her eyes off her. And that stare. _That_ stare. It reminded her dangerously of Rooney’s glance when they were promoting _Carol_.

Oh God, she was missing her so much. But it had ended. She chose acting and she wasn’t regretting it. They were just not meant to be together. She felt tears filling her eyes. She quickly blinked, before anyone could see that.

She smiled again.

 _Stop thinking about her. You won’t bear the pain if you don’t stop_.

But how could she stop, when everything on that fucking Festival reminded her of Rooney?

_Just stop. You did what you had to do. She is happy now, happier than she would ever have been with you._

She felt an arm circling her waste and a hand firmly setting on her side.

For a sweet moment she felt like she was back in time. Back at three years before, when there was only Rooney next to her. When it was only the two of them.

She turned, half expecting to see her goofy smile and the dimples in her cheeks that she loved so much.

But she only found Kristen Stewart’s timid smile and her cat eyes staring deeply into hers.

 

 

CORNWALL, SUMMER 2017

 

  
“He is two tables behind you” said Rooney looking discreetly behind Cate’s shoulder.

Cate sipped her beer with a neutral expression on her face.

“Sure it’s him?” she replied nonchalantly.

“Positive. How can I forget the face of that son of a bitch?” Rooney replied drinking her beer as well.

Cate finished her drink, lost in her thoughts.

Then she got up abruptly.

“Okay, I guess it’s time for us to go”

She turned and walked directly to him.

Rooney got up as well, and for a moment she didn’t exactly know what to do. Then she followed Cate.

The gorgeous blonde in the meantime had bent towards the men and Rooney heard her whisper:

“Put down that beer and follow me out. And don’t you dare say a word or I swear I won’t answer to my actions today. We don’t want things to get ugly, right?”

The face of the man went horribly pale, but he did what she had commanded.

They went to the deserted parking lot and Cate stopped in front of their car. It was the middle of the afternoon but the sky was getting really dark and it looked like it was going to rain very soon.

But nothing compared to the storm Cate had in her eyes when he turned to face the ex-cop.

“How much did my dear husband pay you? I’m very curious”

“Ms Blanchett, let’s not…” the man said trying to calm things down.

“I said _how much_ did he pay you to ruin my life? It’s a simple question, Mr Adley”

The man didn’t say anything for a minute, then he sighed:

“Nothing”

“Mh, I thought my life was worth a bit more” she replied sarcastic.

“Look Ms Blanchett, I’m just doing what I’ve been told and Andrew is a very good friend of mine”

Cate just looked at him for a long moment. Her face was like a mask of stone and Rooney was starting to feel afraid of what she might have done.

“Do you even have the slightest idea of what this will mean for my life, my career, my family if it comes to the press?” she said eventually.

She wasn’t shouting, on the contrary, her voice was low and controlled. And that was even more frightening.

“This is only for your husband, Ms Blanchett, he will decide what to do” he replied calmly.

“Give me whatever you have against us, or I swear I’ll make sure to make the retirement you so much longed for, a living hell. Don’t forget who I am, Mr Adley” she hissed, barely controlling her voice this time.

“I’m afraid it’s too late now, Ms Blanchett. I’ve already sent everything to Andrew”

The harsh slapping sound echoed in the deserted parking lot.

The man almost fell to the ground with a grunt, a hand to his already reddening cheek.

“What the fuck!” he managed to say still shocked.

“Cate, let’s go” Rooney said frightened grabbing her hand, scared that she might actually punch or kick him. She didn’t move an inch.

“Well, say goodbye to your old life, Mr Adley. I’ll make sure yours will be as ruined as mine” she said. Her face distorted by pure rage and contempt.

Rooney got nearer and whispered smoothly in her ear:

“Let’s not make things worse. He is not worth it”

Cate’s face relaxed a bit and she seemed to come back to her senses.

Then she slowly turned her face towards Rooney.

Her eyes were full of tears.

Rooney lightly caressed her cheek before leading her towards their car.

She turned towards the man for a moment.

“You disgust me”

 

 

L.A. NOVEMBER 2017

 

 

“So what do I have to do?” Cate asked sipping the tea that Joaquin had so kindly made for her.

“I want my girl back, that’s all”

Cate looked at him deeply in the eyes, without saying a word for a moment. He shifted position, feeling uncomfortable at that stare.

“She loves me” Cate said matter-of-factly in the end.

“She loved me as well” Joaquin replied.

“Yeah, I guess she did”

“Do you love her?” Joaquin asked sipping his whiskey.

“I do” Cate replied without hesitation.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you, I love my career more. Acting is my life, my priority. Over everything and everyone.”

“Then it’s all very simple. Just give me her back, and nothing will hurt your fame”

“I’m not doing it for the _fame_!” Cate snapped “ I just want to keep on doing what I’m doing: art”

“Give me her back to keep your _art_ , then” Joaquin said with his wolf-like smile.

Cate sighed and leaned her back against the armchair.

“You are talking about her as some kind of piece of furniture I can trade or give back to the previous owner. She is not. It’s much more complicated than this”

“You’ll just have to break her heart” he said nonchalantly, looking inside of his glass.

“And do you really think she’ll run back to you, after all you’ve done to her? To us?”

“That will be my problem, but don’t worry I will get her back. The only thing I’m asking is for you to break up with her”

“How? She will understand something is wrong. She is not stupid, you know”

“Oh, I know… she is not stupid but she is a _woman_ ”

Cate had to suffocate the urge to get up, go to him and punch him in the face.

“…and you all have one little weakness” he continued with his wolf-like smile.

“And that is?” she replied ice cold.

“ _Pride_ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back already! It’s all thanks to the Cannes Film Festival that gave me inspiration this week (:   
> I hope you like this coup de theatre and you all know by now how much I love a bit of drama..  
> Please let me know what you think in your comments!! I’m so sorry if I don’t always reply to them, but I always read them and they give me the strength to go on <3 (but I swear I’ll try to reply this time)
> 
> P.S.: I’ve just created an insta profile so go and follow me if you like (I haven’t posted anything yet but I will as soon as I have some followers ;) ) or you cam message me! The name you have to search for is la_bellesauvage! 
> 
> Waiting for you guuuuys <3
> 
> QS xx


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